I've left

[plantlife]

I just thought I'd let people know because I know I wasted so much of people's time and I refused to listen to advice.
I feel I need to be honest. In a refuge in another area and everyone's been so nice and kind. Although I'm just waiting for everyone to get angry with me. I'm angry with me! I'm really struggling with it especially all the virus fears and don't know if I'll manage to stay but I wanted people to know I've tried. I don't want people to think I've posted to get people telling me to stay. I know I need to try. I just wanted people to know because I know it looked like I'd never leave. I know I'll let everyone down again if I can't stay but even if I go home I've thought through options and will look at safety measures if I'm home. Thank you for all the support you all gave me when I first posted. It really helped me slowly get go this stage. It's very hard and I'm missing him so much and it doesn't seem real yet but I'm trying to keep going with it.

I ended up turning to him for help and realise how lucky I am to have someone who loves me. The professionals don't care at all about me and I think they're angry with me as well and I think I need to stop hoping for help from anyone. I feel so worn down from trying and trying to get help and being tricked or let down or lied to. I don't think I should trust anyone again. The social care was so upsetting. I tried again and the man was so nasty. I'm telling him how I can't cope and the violence and he's saying why do I want help and to just leave. I asked for help to leave and he acted like I was mad and making up the risks. He was horrible and said he was one of the team leaders so I guess like the manager so if anyone says to speak to manager obviously that's no good. I don't want anything to do with the council again. I had one tiny hope and it's gone. Somewhere had said they'd contact me if a flat was available. Then a flat came up but they changed their minds. Said I was vulnerable and flat had antisocial behaviour neighbours. Then they said to apply to council as homeless. The homeless accommodation is s million times worse and lots anti social stuff so obviously they just decided they don't want to help me. Now Shelter have said council may not even accept priority need for me so I realise I was very stupid to risk my safe home by going to a refuge. It was the biggest mistake of my life and put me at so much risk. I hope he's forgiven me as I need his help. He's the only person willing to help me and I feel so bad for betraying him. I don't ever want to deal with the outside world again. I don't want to go on but there's no easy way out. I felt so desperate until I asked him for help, I es even thinking of trying to catch the virus. I'm so terrified of it but at least it would alll be over in a few weeks. I hate myself for making him sound bad. He's so good to me and I was ungrateful. I'm sorry for all the stupid posts here. I don't belong here. I'm sorry. I know people are fed up and don't believe me. I felt so desperate to be believed but I can't try anymore. I wish it didn't have to happen to other women but I can't stop it. I'm sorry to them.

I don't understand why there's campaigns and stuff saying there's help to leave when places like shelter and my council's social care act like I'm mad for needing help to leave and telling me to just get myself somewhere like I haven't tried loads. They shouldn't do campaigns telling people to leave if there's nowhere safe and no help. Why is there campaigns and domestic abuse services if all people have to do is just leave. I feel like they're lying and tricking people into being homeless.