Gin and a moat

[paxillin]

Not by one of the Queens this time... But we can drink here.

Dirt coloured.

I imagine they need to be bleached first. I am currently on the laptop so no auto-correct, my typos are all my own. I would have wondered about a device auto-correcting pork and gift shop for prok and giftsgop.

Well I'm not bleaching a moose, they're considerably taller than me and one of them looks quite angry.

Are any of you lot academics?

I suggest we pour bleach into the moat and chase the meese in for a bath. I'm an academic in RL, where we'd have to have a home office licence for that sort of thing. Plus god knows what agricultural and environmental licences...

Luckily we've got no regulations on moose bathing since you stole my pen so that could work.

I had the above my station but RL idea of trying to get a review published. Now I'm bricking it. Is it difficult? Are academics scary? Will they laugh at me? should I gift them a moose?

Do we dye them in the moat, too? I'd hate to be left with a pink moat, maybe Schadenfreude can spray- paint them with a fire extinguisher? We do have fire extinguishers after the last place, don't we?

Reviews should be fairly straightforward. Check the submission criteria of the journal you'd like to publish it in. Are you associated with a research institute? If not, could you try and find someone from your field for co-authorship, this could make things easier?

#inevernickedthefuckingpen #itwasmineallalong #gotitfromtheviagrarep

I quite like the idea of pink gin. Does that count as a cocktail? Is pink an ingredient?

Thank you, that helps Is single authorship frowned upon? Does the other person need to be competent known?

#Istillwantitbackyouthievingwaitwhatwehaveaviagrarep?

Pink is a lifestyle around Mortificado these days.

Nope, single authorship is fine. If you run into trouble, find a well known prof (even a retired one) and ask them. Who'd turn down authorship for a few tweaks and a name stamp?

#theyonlyalternativepenwascanesten

you can ask people to make you look good and they'll actually do it probably?

I wasn't intending on so much pink but quite a lot of other colours clash with it so its just sort of worked out that way.

#thatsnotapen

Are academics scary?

Pooh!

they spend all their time fighting over chairs. "He's got a chair and I should have got it. She's got a chair and i should have got it."

FFS - have they never heard of Ikea?

#itwasmypentoubuggersandineeditformyresearch

#thepenisinalockedcupboardinmyshedguardedbyacoyote

#typingthepenisisnottobedonewithoutcareulforethought

I've mixed a vat of Schadenfreude's Fishplop Moose Dye (pat. pending). At the moment the only colours I can manage are teal and egg-yolk yellow.

They'll go with pink won't they?

who's penis have you locked in a cupboard with a coyote?!

Teal + Egg yolk yellow = Dirt coloured. Might as well leave them.

The coyote's penis.

Safer than it being locked in a cupboard with the Princess, O Queen.

You don't have to have teal AND egg yolk yellow, Pax. It can be either/or.

I'll take one in teal.

I want one that produces ready-made moose milk cocktails with cinnamon.

Well need to get them on a diet of white russians and spiced rum then bring the temperature down a bit.

Do you want the extended warranties?

They are covered by Schadenfreude Enterprises (TM) own warranty until the dye has set dried (approx 20 minutes) but after that you will be responsible for all parts and labour if anything goes wrong. e.g. dye poisoning, death by coyote etc.

Also, there is a delivery charge.`

The cinnamon-cocktail one it one of the top models and only available in egg yolk yellow as it is an exclusive model and I've got gallons of the bloody stuff to use up.

Extended warranty??? The lifespan of a moose is 20 years. I expect to be sloshed on moose milk for about 18 (meese don't do menopause, do they?).

Wel, you don't want to risk anything going wrong with it over the next 19 years and 40 minutes do you?

Also it will need to have a mooselet every year to produce moosemilk. I have a boy moose you can borrow for a small fee - I am working n genetically modifying him so the sires different coloured moose lets, based on the Dulux colour chart range, rather than just 50 shades of Dirt.

I will take the moos lets (aka mooselings - it's a biological term - you won't know it) off your hands at an appropriate time for a small fee.

I've mastered the cinnamon and am now working on hazelnut flavour, and the dragon put in a special request for a turmeric and harissa model.

I'll eat the boy mooselets. Girl ones depending how much booze I need, eat or grow up to be milked.

Now you mention breeding fees, I will let the first boy mooseling live. Nice horns for buttons and coat hooks every year, too.

I'm not sure you've considered the amount of poo a moose can make.

I have considered it. We'll build our castle from it. I'm done camping.