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Original poster

SAHMs - Why don't you work?

160 replies

discordia · 27/04/2004 15:09

The "Why do you work?" thread was very interesting (and it helped me with an essay I'm writing!) so I just wondered about SAHMs - did you choose to stay at home, is it impossible for you to work, is being a SAHM enough fulfilment for you ... etc.

I am a SAHM myself although now that both my kids are at school I'm studying part-time, planning to work part time from Sept. I found being a SAHM hard but glad I did it.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 27/04/2004 15:11

SAHMs do work, don't they? I'm not one because I can't face the work involved.

Original poster
discordia · 27/04/2004 15:14

OK, bad choice of words, just too lazy to type "Why are you not in paid employment?"

OP posts:
misdee · 27/04/2004 15:14

I am SAHM mainly not because i want to be, but because i have to be. i actually really enjoy it tho. dd1 and dh have health issues so i stay at home with them. had a bit of a panic the other night over dh swollen ankles.

muddaofsuburbia · 27/04/2004 15:25

I'm looking after ds because I want to be there for him while he's little. For dh and I it was really important that he was brought up by his family. To be honest I resented having to pay someone to do a job I can do better IMO. I don't want to miss any of the "firsts" and I love being the one who helps him with his first words and encouarages him with all his first discoveries. Selfishly, I suppose, I couldn't share that or give that privilege to anyone else - however competent a childcarer they may be.

It's very tight living on one income, but I wouldn't change our situation until ds (and whoever may follow) is at school. It's the most fulfilling work I've ever done and I love waking up every morning knowing I get to spend the whole day with ds.

Janh · 27/04/2004 15:27

Love the title, discordia - cries out for "you lazy sods" after it!

(That's why I am SAHM btw.)

Original poster
discordia · 27/04/2004 15:28

m of s - that's lovely! misdee, hope dh is OK.

OP posts:
oliveoil · 27/04/2004 15:28

This thread is going to make me fed up, I WANT TO BE A SAHM . I only work 3 days but still.......

Oh to win the lottery. Or rob the natwest.

Original poster
discordia · 27/04/2004 15:29

Janh I was hoping the title would encourage SAHMs to wade in and defend themselves.

OP posts:
muddaofsuburbia · 27/04/2004 15:29

Should also add that it's actually ds who is the lazy sod. He sleeps from 7pm till 8:30am so I couldn't really work even if I wanted to - shame to wake a sleeping baby an' all that

louee · 27/04/2004 15:30

Hi I'm a stay at home mum because me and my Dh both agree its what should be done.My Dd is 3 and starts nursery this year and my Ds is nearly 8 months so I want to be there for them.
Also I'm at home because Dh has a well paid job and i don't need to work!!!!!LOL
must admit I do love seeing everything the kiddies do!!!!

Easy · 27/04/2004 15:30

Before ds was born, dh and I ran our own I.T. consultancy. After ds was born we tried to carry on, sharing the tasks of earning and childcare. But we both travelled the country, and trying to manage our diaries around each other was a nightmare, and our customers just wouldn't co-operate .

So, as DH's skills bring in more money than mine, it made sense for me to stay at home. From last year, I've had health problems, so it's really good it worked that way really.

I am looking for work now tho', ds starts school this year. Shame really, as I think childcare gets more interesting from 5 years on, proper conversations etc.

I have to say that there have been times when I found being a SAHM boring, almost to the point of depression. I did always promise that my baby would be cared for mainly by his parents until school tho'

summermum · 27/04/2004 15:48

I am a SAHM and love it and hate it. I am one because my DH does not want me to return to work whilst ds is so small. Before he was born I could not wait 2 b a SAHM, I thought it had 2 b easier than work, how wrong I was, beside not getting any breaks i miss the socialising of the office and i miss adult conversation. I venture out 2 times every week usually to meet dh for lunch once and another just to stay sane, thankfully ds seems to enjoy going out for a coffee (juice and banana in his case)he likes to see people and always smiles at everyone so i suppose the socialising is good for him. We are fortunate enough that we can afford to no longer have my income but i do miss some of my little luxuries ( ido have a shoe & handbag habbit that has had to be curbed a bit). The other reason i am not returning to work is that our nearest family is 200 miles away and in a way i also feel i do not want to leave ds with a childminder/nanny/nursery. Having no family around is really hard, especially when DS was ill for 2 weeks (not stop sickness & diarohhea, spelling??) I never got a break as dh was at work and very busy so that is very hard as it is very demanding and some days by 4pm i just want to curl up and sleep and that is stillnow when DS is 9 months. I like being with him and enjoy seeing all the 1st but it is bloody hard work, at least dh at work can have a tea or coffee break in peace, usually when ds is sleeping I am running around like a blue arse fly doing what housework i can squash in to half an hour nap times.

sorry about this being so long but now i feel better and as you can gather from this being a SAHM is also a very lonely job.

Original poster
discordia · 27/04/2004 15:55

summermum, I think you've expressed what a lot of SAHM's feel! I think toddler groups and nct groups can be a lifesaver - company for the little ones and adult conversation (even if it is all about nappies, etc) for mums.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 27/04/2004 16:02

I believe that childcare cost would eat up whatever money I earnt. DH earns enough for me to be at home so what is the point? I would go to work if I could find a job I loved which was worth doing despite any financial considrations though. I would also have gone back part time if my job hadn't been relocated several hundred miles away but I took voluntary redundancy instead.

Freckle · 27/04/2004 16:05

I originally became a SAHM because I felt that, having worked for 16 years and done my best at that role, I wanted to do the best at being a mum and, in my view, I couldn't do that if half my time was spent doing something else (I was a lawyer, so not always a 9-5 job and quite stressful and demanding). I wanted to bring my children up myself, not pay someone else to do a large proportion of it.

Now that all my children are at school, I still won't go into full-time paid employment because I want to take them to school and pick them up, go to their shows and concerts, not worry if one is sick because I can stay home with them, not panic when the school shuts with no notice because the heating has packed in, and don't want the worry of what to do with them during the holidays. Having said that, I do need further stimulation which is why I am about to start training as an advisor for the CAB and I also do a small part-time job for dh's firm. When the youngest (nearly 6) is at senior school, I might look further into full-time work, but that's a few years away yet.

Nutcracker · 27/04/2004 16:07

I couldn't get a job that would pay enough for childcare. In september i am either going back to college or going to get a job, as dd starts school so there will only be ds at home. Will only work part time though.

Hulababy · 27/04/2004 16:08

summermum - you are in Sheffield aren't you? Do you go to any of the groups or activities there?

lou33 · 27/04/2004 16:17

I'd get the sack from any job, due to the amount of time I would need off for ds2's appointments.

Sonnet · 27/04/2004 16:20

IME: When they go to school it is harder to get a job - school hours and holidays beware!!

Original poster
discordia · 27/04/2004 16:22

You are right sonnet, where can I find a job that starts at 9.30, finishes at 3 and gives me 13 weeks holiday a year?

OP posts:
Easy · 27/04/2004 16:27

Discordia

I think there should be a rule that school administrators and teaching assistants jobs should ONLY be available to parents. After all so many of us are fighting for them. When I was a nipper (yonks ago) our 2 school secretaries were single, middle aged ladies. They must have become soooo lonely in the summer hols

Hulababy · 27/04/2004 16:31

Don't forget that even school based jobs often finish at the same time as your children - so you need someone to look after your child whilst you get to them. And holidays can be different between schools (even within smae LEAs), and more and more school admin jobs include working in the holidays as well.

alexsmum · 27/04/2004 16:34

We desperately wanted to have children(ds 1 taking a LONG time to concieve) and I didn't see the point of having them and then giving them to someone else to look after 5 days a week. This way, I get to watch them grow and develop and I see all their firsts and they learn the things that I want them to learn rather than learning what the childminder teaches them. Being a sahm is the hardest job I have ever had but it is also the most satisfying.My boys do something new or something that makes me laugh every single day.Ok so we don't have all the spare money that families with two incomes can have but I think it's worth it.
We have a neighbour who is always telling me how lucky I am to be a sahm and it absolutely infuriates me...they have two cars,a much better maintained house than us, more holidays etc. I know how much they spend on childcare for their kids;if they stopped paying that , I am sure she could use that money to stay at home if she really wanted to. She has made the choice not to, I have made a different choice.Luck doesn't come into it.
Sorry this is so long and ranty but I feel quite strongly about it.

alexsmum · 27/04/2004 16:37

Plus if I wasn't a stay at home mum, who would accept her parcels that the courier couldn't deliver, because she is at work

sobernow · 27/04/2004 16:47

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