SAHMs - Why don't you work?

[discordia]

The "Why do you work?" thread was very interesting (and it helped me with an essay I'm writing!) so I just wondered about SAHMs - did you choose to stay at home, is it impossible for you to work, is being a SAHM enough fulfilment for you ... etc.

I am a SAHM myself although now that both my kids are at school I'm studying part-time, planning to work part time from Sept. I found being a SAHM hard but glad I did it.

well when dads do it after work, apparently it is not work, just part of being a parent and why did they have kids if they didn't want to get involved?

according to this thread

hmmm, now is this subject my peeve of the day or is it angel children in restaurants?

I am a SAHM, DH and I decided that I would take a year off work once our daughter was born. I took almost a year off and decided to go back to work part-time when my DD was 10 (ish) months old. DH and I arranged childcare and I went to work (my own choice).

To cut a long (and frustrating) story short, I gave up work upon discovering that my wages were barely covering DD's childcare, and we also realised that we would be losing money come the summer holidays as we would also have to find childcare for our 2 older school-aged boys. My wages would NEVER cover it in a million years ! When I say losing money, I don't mean benefits, as we don't get anything apart from the minimal tax credits due to my DH's income. It just meant that we were paying out more in childcare than I was earning, so it made sense financially for me to be a SAHM. Plus the fact that I love being able to be with DD for a large proportion of her life.

well said beccarollover post of 10.26....I agree wholehartedly, that post alos brought tears to my eyes.

Should read further...
Well said too Popsycal - I feel the same.

Baldrick, I think you need to butt out of everyone elses business ! Your assumptions are frankly ludicrous !!!!!!

Plus your comment re getting a job in the evenings, surely that would sacrifice family life/stability further as you would not see your partner much, and your child would see much less interaction between adults ?! I dunno what goes on in your head sometimes, love.....

Baldrick, I think you need to butt out of everyone elses business ! Your assumptions are frankly ludicrous !!!!!!

Plus your comment re getting a job in the evenings, surely that would sacrifice family life/stability further as you would not see your partner much, and your child would see much less interaction between adults ?! I dunno what goes on in your head sometimes, Love.....

Lol at Baldrick - so you'll get the "bigger job" that pays all the money when children are at school eh? - Schools start at 9am and finish at 3.15/3.30 they alos have 13 weeks holiday a year - how is the "big job" going to work around that then?
oh forgetit - can't be bothered, you work anyway, Dh wnats you to get a better paid job so you can move to a bigger house - so where does that fit in with your grand plan of being at home for the children and making sacrifices?. You are very inconsistant with your postings...or does that depend what is in your head?

WSM - if her postings are all true she left her kids with DH in the evenings who was blind drunk - so who's putting the kids first.
I really shouldn't let her rile me - but she is off her head...

apologies for the emphatic double post !

Oh I know, I've been keeping up on Lavender's vaguely schizophrenic postings !!!

I don't need to work as DH has a good job but even when he didn't I was a SAHM as I wanted to bring them up myself and would've needed to pay for childcare even if I didn't. It takes me all my time to 'sort of' run a home now and I just don't know how working mums do it? But I know plenty who do

Is lavendar back then?

I think that balrick is lavender in disguise, am I right ?

I think that baldrick is lavender in disguise, am I right ?

I don't know WSM the english and typing are so much better?

yes girls - Baldrick is Lavender. She freely admitted this - can't remember which thread was a couple of weeks ago I think!!

Cods, by 'help' I mean family nearby to provide a bit of respite, a supportive husband who ideally doesn't work 14 hour days etc - and a cleaner in an ideal world. I personally wouldn't enjoy having only a two year old for company 24/5 iyswim. I think actually being a sahm by choice or working by choice is often less about the needs of the child as the needs of the mother. It seems to me that some people feel anxious and upset if they can't be with their kids most of the time, and some people feel happy as long as they are satisfied that their kids are OK.

you've made me thing aloha - needs of mother...
thanks I'll ponder on that in respect of my own situation..

This is a sore point with me at the mo. I work full time and I would like to drop a day. However, as the major earner this is going to take some working out money wise.

However, DS seems to be very happy at nursery 4 days a week and with grandparents the other day. So, do I want the day at home for him or for me??

My ideal would be working 3 days a week. I think being a SAHM or a Full time working are both equally difficult, so I'd rather do neither and get the best of both worlds... roll on that big win on the lottery.

BR

I planned to go back to work part time when ds1 was born, and then when he was I just couldn't do it. So I didn't. Pleased I didn't now as things have panned out. I have done odd bits and piecs from home over the last few years, and when in London used to work at my old work place on Saturdays. Although it left us short of time it did mean that dh became good at childcare......

Now need to earn some proper money again. Am doing various bits and bobs from home (has to be from home- everything is too up in the air with ds1, and anyway I like being available for both my children) and this week have just started working with another mumsnetter

I know I am crazy but this htread kept me awake last night and has been on my mind most of today - nothing to do with baldrick/lavender....just the comment I mentioned yesterday evening at 10:30 or so about 'giving away' ds during the day.

Maybe it is a sore point but it seems to me that even in this modern world, working mums are still looked down upon by certain areas of society. That makes me very sad.

They are only looked down upon by idiots, ignore them. Who wants to listen to anyone that judges anyone else, i don't want a bigots opinion.

I was thinking that today as well popsycal. A lot of what I said infered that the only reason mums go to work is because of the money but I actually think there is nothing wrong with going to work by choice rather than finances.
I'm sure it makes a lot of people much better parents and it is rather old fashioned the idea of the mother staying at home.
Surely in todays society women going to work should be as acceptable as men going to work.

say what you think ff

Sonnet, dh wants me to get a better job so that we can actually buy a house...we don't own one btw...did stay at home for 5 years so a little sacrifice I guess....again I am really really sorry if I have upset anyone here, perhaps the way I say things doesn't come out the way it should...all was trying to was say that if you can be a sahm and have less things (like giving up pension for 5 years...it's good) but if you can't then it doesn't matter in the long run...sorry