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Original poster

This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

1014 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/09/2006 20:40

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

OP posts:
MABS · 13/09/2006 21:58

Counto10 - no, he was never caught , tho i have done many id parade over the years. It was 17 yrs ago, in London, and ended up on crimewatch. The police initially, and latterly were truly appalling.

CountTo10 · 13/09/2006 21:58

notoldbefore that is awful

morningpaper · 13/09/2006 21:58

nottoldbefore I'm so sorry

brokendoll · 13/09/2006 21:59

Sorry for name change.

I was sexually abused by a family member from 6/7 until i was 17, including rape.

Was raped by my then boyfriend on my 18th birthday because i was too drunk to push him off and music too loud for him to hear me saying no.

one was a "friend". He worked as a pastoral leader in the church i went to and i stayed after youth group one night to talk things through with him. he made up a communion table with the bread and the wine and it turned into it being my fault that jesus died,i had killed him by making those men do those things to me.He made me take his body as punishment, on the communion table. I was so scared of him that when he later made me 'attend' to his friends i was too scared to say no. i was 14.
Found out later that he had been grooming 2 others before i met him.

Am sat at my keyboard in tears, have never told anyone that before and really needed to get it off my chest. Sorry.

You wouldn't believe how long it has taken me to press post either.

NotAnOtter · 13/09/2006 22:00

scared of being recognised - you mustn't leave them with your abuser.

morningpaper · 13/09/2006 22:00

brokendoll that's horrific

To all of you - I REALLY REALLY cannot recommend counselling highly enough for this sort of thing

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/09/2006 22:01

That was the nicer part of the day. Other bits of it included having to wait outside the court room (alone) with a group of his workmates, Being told by the CPS man before we started that this was a pointles excersize because he was going to get off with it anyhow, The lunch thing was bizarre, I was sat opposite him at the table, he was with his officer person and I was with a CPS guide person and they were chatting! There was no way I was going to move though. That day (other than having the kids) is my proudest day. I did not back down, I did not cry, I sat with his family in the spectator bit and looked him in the eye as he lied about me. It was obvious he would get off though - the police had no evidence to produce, it was either 'misplaced' or tainted.... My former school seceratry was on the jury so the jury had to be changed etc. I was 8 months pregnant. They let me sit down whilst giving my evidence - woohooo.

starshaker · 13/09/2006 22:02

this really shocks me. i used to think i was the only 1 who never said anything. i knew who he was and is still friends with my parents. i couldnt tell any1 cos i didnt think they would believe me

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/09/2006 22:02

Agree MP....well done for being brave. None of you have anything to be ashamed of - you have done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
imaginaryfriend · 13/09/2006 22:02

mp, I so relate to what you were describing as your worries for your dds. I worry for my dd to a ridiculous degree sometimes. Because of what happened to me I feel so aware of her 'total invulnerability'. The other day in a shop she was wafting her skirt up and down to show off some (rather fetching) flowered knickers and I was in a quiet panic about it. Then one day on the tube I saw a man looking at her in a way I really didn't like. I feel as though if anybody touched her and I knew who they were I'd kill them. Literally with my bare hands.

suburbanjellybrain · 13/09/2006 22:02

my mum was assaulted by her dad - i don't know how often but when she tried to tell her family they hushed her up and ignored her. I only found out after her mum's funeral (her father had died years earlier) - her relationships with herfamily and her whole life has been f*ed up by this and it makes me so sad and angry. I really think that the lack of support is worse than the abuse in some ways because it has stopped her getting over it.

I have been flashed twice once reported and once unreported and i probably have put myself in risky situations through inebriation several times while in my teens/ twenties but have been fortunate

Flamesparrow · 13/09/2006 22:04

thank you

CountTo10 · 13/09/2006 22:04

I can't get over the sheer volume of horrific stories on here. I've had counselling for my experience and i highly recommend it as sometimes its just talking about it to someone who totally isn't connected to your life in any way that is the therapy.

CrocodileKate · 13/09/2006 22:05

Morningpaper, I have seen a psychiatrist for depression that was caused by this. That was completely unhelpful.
How would counselling differ and what use would it be. Am interested but the psychiatrist actually made me feel worse.

CountTo10 · 13/09/2006 22:07

I'm not sure how it differs CK but I just felt I couldn't be judged - that everything I said was taken at face value and not given any opinion or slant.

Issymum · 13/09/2006 22:07

I am utterly shocked and saddened by this thread.

Me, never and nothing even close to it.

NotAnOtter · 13/09/2006 22:07

nottold before...lamb!!!

imaginaryfriend · 13/09/2006 22:08

I saw a psychotherapist for about 5 years which was incredibly helpful because he really just kept aiming me in the right direction and suggesting things now and then so I got the feeling I helped myself if that makes sense?

fattiemumma · 13/09/2006 22:08

my son has SN and i have just had a JAT meeting to talk about ways of getting him extra suport and help.
it was mentioned that maybe he woudl benefit from Art therapy or play therapy whichi owuld lve for him to do ( he witnessed all kinds of violance including the sexual whilst we were with his father)

It was then mentioned that maybe i would like councelling and do you know...i dont know if i do.
i am a survivor, thats what i do. i don't know how i could cope with the vulnerability with sitting and telling someone how i feel deep down.

is that strange?

sadlyreflective · 13/09/2006 22:08

have namechanged for this.

yes, three times, all unreported.

1 - elderly relative who knew when I would be alone and vulnerable - not raped, but scared me out of my wits and I could not trust my parents to believe me. There were several instances, one in front of my grandmother where he got my hand and made me touch the front of his trousers - she just told him 'not to'! WTF??? but the worst when I was 14 and when I realised what he wanted I screamed at him to get out and locked the house. It was a relief when he died.

2 - local 'respectable' person - a total creep and again, felt I wouldn't be believed, being brought up to not cheek adults, who always knew better than a mere child.

3 - at 17 in a park which didn't seem lonely, but I had to walk through it alone and when this middleaged man called to me I could see the past come back in flashes so I got the hell out of there.

You can't report if you feel you are not going to be BELIEVED. It makes you feel so much worse that you have to admit something happened which makes you feel totally awful, only for the person you trust with that information to help you. My gran didn't. I can't understand her reaction even now, decades later. I have always wondered how many others.......? I can't believe I was the only one for any of these men.

Didn't tell anyone for years and years, not even my dh until we had been together for many years.

CrocodileKate · 13/09/2006 22:09

Am crying now.

NotAnOtter · 13/09/2006 22:13

i just keep re-reading them all - i wish it was with disbelief but my own experience makes me see it all too clearly

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/09/2006 22:13

I waited about 4 years before I finally gave in and admitted that counselling would help. It was about this time last year actually that I started seeing someone. I was at a point where I couldnt sleep at night without getting up every few minutes to check under beds, check doors - and the loft terrified me. I would check every night that the spider webs around it wernt broken so that I knew it hadnt been disturbed. I would cry when H left for work and sit up all night with my back agaisnt the door. My children were only allowed to sleep in my room so I wouldnt have to get up in the night to check them. All the lights were left on etc. The couselling really helped and I can honestly say ive never felt better about it. (I think I did all that because in my case it was a work friend that hid in my house so thats where there checking the beds comes from) I dont do this anymore. Bit of a ramble but what I mean to say is that couselling really can help and you shouldnt be afriad to admit that you might need it. It doesnt make you weak or a victim, it makes you a strong person for admitting it and wanting to start living your life again.

CountTo10 · 13/09/2006 22:14

I have to go but if there's one thing I'm taking away from this thread is that we are not as alone and solitary in our experience as we sometimes feel x

imaginaryfriend · 13/09/2006 22:16

No, it's not strange fattiemumma, I felt the same. A kind of 'fuck them!' attitude really got me by, through university, MA, PhD, then at some point I felt if I didn't talk about it to someone neutral who wouldn't be in any way emotionally involved with my story I would feel more at peace with it. It did help. And I didn't feel vulnerable. I felt very in control, like I was sifting through memories and working out why it had produced in me behaviours I had and how I could redirect some of my energies. I was very young when my two attacks happened.

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