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Original poster

This is a VERY sensitive subject, I know, but I am curious to know just how big a problem this is

1014 replies

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/09/2006 20:40

How many people on here have been assaulted/raped and have either reported or not reported it?

I found out that the conviction rate rapes was just 6% . 6% of reported rapes. There are many many many more that go unreported. I want to know roughly what kind of figure we are looking at. Please change your name if need be, but do post.....

I'll start..

Me - unreported.

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 14/09/2006 21:11

sadforsolong - you are a hero. I love you, and i know nothing about you. i am sending you huge stiffling all engulfing hugs over the internet >

NappiesGalore · 14/09/2006 21:11

Point Of View

monkeytrousers · 14/09/2006 21:14

Oh, and my stepdad would try it on all the time, but never got near me the creep. I reported him.

NappiesGalore · 14/09/2006 21:14

bbc - its time you stopped feeling ashamed girl. you are allowed to be upset. give yourself time, you'll be ok.

and sadforsolong - words cannot express how wonderful i think you are even for surviving all that. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

sadforsolong · 14/09/2006 21:16

the worst thing about it all is that i feel i have to keep it quiet in real life, cos some people mistakenly think that if you were abused then you will go on to abuse, which is so not true, i am probably guilty of being over protective of my kids and i will not let them go to sleepovers, i could not live with the guilt if something happened to them

Bucketsofdinosaurs · 14/09/2006 21:17

I can see what Germaine Greer means but rape's not just about the sex is it? It's trauma and it's the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder that people suffer from, possibly worse than the actual trauma if you think of it in terms of physical scars etc. PTSD can come from any event that makes you fear for your life or the life of a loved one - I don't suppose anyone being raped doesn't wonder if that's all that's going to happen. Symptoms include flashbacks, underlying constant fear of repetition, anger, anxiety, depression, violent revenge fantasies etc.
I had PTSD from my first labour experience and I feel lucky enough to have 'cured' myself by having another baby the way I wanted. With rape you can't literally 'undo' it, that's why I asked about confrontation.

NotAnOtter · 14/09/2006 21:17

and what happened to him monkey??

Lio · 14/09/2006 21:26

Groped in the street, reported it.

Mascaraohara · 14/09/2006 21:28

Latecomer to this and not going to change my name but just wanted to add..

a few time, unreported. and probably some other sticky situations.

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/09/2006 21:36

Rape is often about power/control and not sex, as such.

OP posts:
Halster · 14/09/2006 21:36

Am shocked to the core. Much love to you all.

Me - I don't think so. I did have a very very unpleasant first sexual experience at 16 (put me off sex for years) where I just let the guy I was seeing have sex with me when I really didn't want him to. I think I thought he had a right to (FGS! - I had such a positive feminist upbringing too!). Thinking about it though, I was crying when he was doing it - that's quite a clear message isn't it..........

Re: Germaine Greer, no, rape is not just sex - it is about POWER and the abuse of it.

Blu · 14/09/2006 21:41

Nappiesgalore - very deeply sorry to hear about those years........
.............................
Yes, I survived an attempted rape as a teenager - didn't tell, (and how breathtakingly differnt the teenage mind can be) because me and my best freind agreed that we would never be alowed to go out again if I did. Our best male friend beat him up quite badly. Also, the survival of it made me feel somehow invincible. He had ambushed me as i was making my way back to the car park after a barbecue and 'disco' in a barn. I was a serious athlete as a teenager, strong and quick. I relaised what he was doing and i waited until he moved in front of me and then kneed him very very hard, and ran like the clappers to my freinds.

Then years later, a partner, both quite drunk, him on cocaine, I was consenting to sex, but we had always had safe sex. He started raving about a baby and fought for sex without a condom. I fought, but too late. Was pg. Had a termination. Not reported. I know firmly in my mind that I had consented to one thing, and any other did not have my consent. But never thought that would survive in court. plus too many personal and professional connections. And felt 'shouldn't have been drunk'.
.................

I was talking to a barrister friend at the w/e. He said he has never seen a rape victim in court that he didn't believe. All the cases he has seen,, he knows the woman is tellling the truth. he had just acted as defence for his first rape case as the defence barrister. he believed the woman - but his client was aquitted. He says he will never ever take another rape case for the defence.

juicychops · 14/09/2006 21:42

me 3 times by ex. un-reported from fear of not being believed. Wish i had now though

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/09/2006 21:46

Blu, Id like to say im shocked by what your barrister friend said, but im not

OP posts:
Blu · 14/09/2006 21:49

VVV, how do you mean, not ?

monkeytrousers · 14/09/2006 21:49

Notanotter, I told my sister, not the authorities. My mother kicked him out for a while but took him back before long. He did sexually abuse my older sister, and was violent to us all.

Original poster
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/09/2006 21:53

I mean "im not (surprised)............. "

Im not really on the ball, sorry.

OP posts:
Blu · 14/09/2006 22:00

It certainly explains one of the reasons women are so reluctant to report, VVVV. So hard to get a conviction. The defendant has to have defence, they have to do the job given to them, and the evidence is so often so hard to ac tually prove, but as for 'beyond reasonable doubt', not one person in the courtroom has any doubt as to what happened .
My friend was absolutely not celebrating.

Piffle · 14/09/2006 22:15

Apologise this could be very long :
the entire court experience is not one of seeking justice and closure for a victim of rape.
It is a harrowing time, with all your life history bared to open court, with a twisted sneery slant put upon your experiences. The lengths defence barristers go to to attain data on the victim to improve their clients case is unbelieveable
Certainly in my case, I grew up in NZ I left aged 27 with my son than aged 4.

I had met some friends over the internet, we all had a big party in Wales, this man was on the fringes of that group. He took a shine to me. He was to be quite frank, hideous, ill mannered and not my type romantically, but he was fun to joke around with in a group.

He got my number and address of another friend.

He then stalked me for 5 mths, forcing me to change jobs, change my car, have panic alarms at work and at home. It culminated in him following me home (despite an injunction barring him from my home town) after I had been out for New Years Eve with my dearest girl friends. They dropped me off in a taxi we all shared.
He was hiding in the bushes and stormed my house.
I'll not go into what happened from that point on as I'm simply not able to. Suffice to say I ended up pregnant and badly beaten. I terminated the pregnancy at 6 weeks as soon as I knew. He lied his way into the surgical unit on the day and had to be taken out by police.

When it came to court, his lawyer had researched my promiscuity in the early 90's (following a date rape aged 17 (which robbed me of my virginity) and the death of my father.
This ended when I met my ds's dad and fell pregnant (unplanned).

All this was used to show that I was used to playing and trapping men. they brought up their clients mental torment that his "longed for" child had been cruelly aborted. That I had lost him his job through my vindictive jealousy (wtf?)
What saved me in this case, was not my proof, not the injunctions, all the things he had done on record
It was a witness, who saw him storm into my house and managed (after getting some help) to break into my house after calling the cops and get this animal off me. He was the one thing that saw him put away.

The whole experience for me made it clear as to why most rapes never see court.
If my case was only just a conviction, how on earht is someone who is in the same house willingly or even the same bed, ever supposed to get a rape conviction?

ashamedshepherd · 14/09/2006 22:24

me - regular who has changed name. abused from about 4/5 years old by step father then finally raped on a regular basis until 11. I tied to tell my mum in a note and she didnt believe me.

Blu · 14/09/2006 22:26

Fucking hell, Piffle, fucking hell.
And thank heavens for the witness.
How often does that happen?
less than never.

winnie · 14/09/2006 22:30

this thread is heartbreaking

marthamoo · 14/09/2006 22:33

Piffle, I knew some of that from other things you have posted but not all of it - words fail me. All of these experiences - and they just keep coming - it makes for sobering reading.

I think this is one of the most important threads I have ever read on MN - good on you, VVVQV, for your bravery in starting the ball rolling.

notadmittedthistomyselfbefore · 14/09/2006 22:38

This confuses me about barristers. I thought that they were supposed to believe in their clients? How can they defend their client when they believe the victim to be telling the truth?

Piffle · 14/09/2006 22:39

Yes thank the witness - who was the local drug dealer just taking his 4 rottweillers out for a 3am walk... as you do. Any other man would not have had as many mates ready to help seconds away.

I did receive notice that arsehole had applied for early parole but was turned down. I did not even get told in time to make a submission, but they saud they could write in lifetime protection of me from him...

I've moved on, moved away - honestly I cannot imagine how I did so quickly - the love of a good ordinary (how under rated is the ordinary man) chap and a new home and new kiddies.

But there is part of me who will always need to look over her shoulder. Dp works away 5 days a week which I find really hard
I'm 13 weeks pregnant, knackered but find it very hard to sleep and am very jumpy being alone here.

Yes of course the worst is that I am not alone, not by any means, and even worse, my story is not the worst.

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