Child sex offender

[okeydonkey]

I can't believe Im actually writing this. I found out my sister, who has two children from previous relationship, has been seeing a man who is on the child sex offenders register. He was caught downloading child porn on a work computer. My sister is saying there's a fine line and he didn't know the girls were under age. I'm sickened. AIBU to feel like she's trying to pull wool over my eyes. As he's done so with her.

Your sister is a fool, and I feel very sorry for her DC. I cannot imagine what mental hoops a mother jumps through to justify having a man on the sex register around her children. I wouldn't have someone like that around me, much less my DC.

oh X post, don't bother investigating, that's clearly bollocks, and he'll just say the packages you can download have been tighted up after cases like his.

You aren't reacting like a Daily Mail reader, you'll acting like someone who cares about DN.

You won't change her mind, she wants to have a relationship with him, so is prepared to accept any lie that makes tht possible for her to mentally justify bringing a man like that into her Child's life. She isn't going to be talked round, no matter what, he'll have an answer for it.

I'd call your local social services department. Say you're worried she doesn't seem to think it's serious. She's not going to take this seriously from you because she thinks she knows better than you and you're overreacting. It sadly will probably take someone in authority spelling it out to her that she's officially being viewed as a bad parent if she continues the relationship and might lose DN. Again, prepare yourself that she might put her boyfriend above her child and continue the relationship. Would her exP take custody? I think a lot of Dads in this situation would step in and remove their DCs.

I said to her "that it can take a long time to go to trial it and doesn't mean he's not a risk."

It makes me angry that she's said that I'm making it a bigger deal than it is.

So in a nutshell, what actually happened, was that he didn't "accidentally" view images of child abuse on the internet, but actively paid for them (as has been rightly pointed out above, these wouldn't have been "slipped in" to the adult package - it doesn't work like that: why would the distributor do that?).

No you are absolutely not overreacting at all. Well done for pursuing this with the police. Unfortunately, your sister has been manipulated by this man - it's how they work - so am afraid that she may not be ready to take on board what you are saying. Do keep on doing what you're doing but try to remember that your sister has been groomed into believing him, she's not actively out to fall out with you, even though it will be a bit rocky between you for a while, if that makes sense?

Well don't want to drop feed but
The exP I can discuss with and meet with him and have his number etc.
but he was EA to her. And she spent years saying he's lovely etc etc and years making my mum and I sad and worried.

Thanks Onlly I need to remember that we will be rocky for a whole but in the end will once again be ok.

Please excuse my typos

Does he explain how he would have had to disable the firewal etc in order to get illegal images? Can you sister not be shown this thread?

Oh yes can u explain the firewall thing?
So can u download adult porn but to download child abuse pictures you have to remove firewall, am I right??
I'm going to show her this thread!

Someone mentioned it at the beginning of the thread about the firewall. I believe it said that offices would all have their systems protected. Obviously a company would get into a heap of trouble over this.
Your sister should know that the man I knew convinced everyone that it was a small matter and when he was caught the second time (after therapy) he had escalated to the worst level. These people lie and charm and then when they think they are safe, offend. Police simply don't have the man hours or budget to prosecute 'accidental' offenders...not that you can be.

He'll have an excuse, and she'll accept it. If she's had abusive relationships in the past, a man who treats her well will be forgiven a lot - sadly woman like this have 'victim' stamped all over them.

She's going to believe his stories.

Call SS. Her ExP might end up with DN, but at least DN will be safe. It might be that the fear of losing DN would make her realise, but sadly it's not always the case.

I understand that the police officer said that he can get the salient information to you by the end of next week, but does that mean that the police themselves will not know whether he should be around children or not until then either? If so, that does seem a long time.

It's terrible that your sister is so gullible, but it's downright dangerous when she has children. What a terrible worry for you. I'm sorry that this meant you've fallen out with your sister, but her children are very lucky to have such a caring and vigilant aunt looking out for them.

I think the police will know when they look at his records. The time taken is due to deciding whether or not a disclosure needs to be made and who to. I think.

I told her previously she could do with the freedom program. But didn't take it up.
The police asked me if I thought they were in serious risk now. I said no. I'm hoping I've made the right choice in saying no. I've said no because he is allowed contact with children unsupervised.

But it's got to be confidential and the request has to be genuine. As awful as it sounds they can freely give information out.

I just cannot believe this, he was convicted for downloading level 4 images and your sister believes the pile of shite he is saying! I'm so glad you are taking it seriously. Would you be able to have a word with your nephew and tell him that he can tell you anything and you'll believe him and be there for him?

Who said he was allowed contact with children unsupervised? Was that an official thing or something he said?

I was talking about firewall protection. Basically every company has firewall protection, which basically protects the company's intranet system from virus attack. The majority of virus attacks originate from porn sites, therefore when such sites are accessed it will alert the user and block the webpage. In order to access the site you have to override the firewall. I know all this because a guy at work was convicted of accessing child abuse images and I found out the process from talking to the police involved when they were building the case.

If we look at the guys story it doesn't make sense for a number of reasons.

Firstly, child abuse images are not included in adult porn bundles because of the risk of being caught. Basically any forensic computer tech could analyse the data, trace it back, find the IP address and locate the source. They can then either prosecute if its in the UK or shut the site down. Child abuse rings do not want to risk this so they use encrypted images that can only be accessed through certain sites. If he has accessed level four images then I would be pretty certain he is accessing these sites as an established user.

Secondly, adult porn sites make money, lots of it. If they include child abuse images then they risk being closed down and this effects their profit and potentially leads to prosecution.

Thirdly, the length of time it takes to prosecute an individual is based on an over worked court system not the degree of guilt of the individual. A suspended sentence means the court found him guilty. This means they had enough evidence to prove his guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. The fact he did not do time does not lessen his guilt.

Fourthly, if the guy innocently accessed these images as part of an adult porn bundle he would be able to prove this through his browser history. The police would have gone into the work computer and looked at exactly what he was doing. In order to convict him they would have proven that he deliberately accessed these images and probably on more than one occasion. Despite what he says you don't get convicted on accidentally stumbling across abuse images.

This guy is full of shit and IMHO the fact that he is lying and manipulating your sister suggests he is a very real threat to those children.

It's more than plausible that he is permitted unsupervised access to children but you need to check it out.

A young woman I know didn't see her Dad for years when she was growing up as he was in prison for serious sex offences against a child. She now lives with him and has a baby. SS and Police and her are all aware. He's not allowed to be unsupervised with the baby but as it doesn't meet his 'victim profile' they can all live in the same house. And he's a convicted schedule 1 offender on SOR for life so more than plausible someone convicted of possessing images has few restrictions but definitely check it.

Okeydonkey, I'm glad it's progressing officially. Next week feels a long time, but as long as you keep your own children safe from him in that time, it's not very long for officialdom to heave itself out of torpor and act on your request.

In the meantime, it will be scurrying aout deciding whether your sister's children are at rosk and she needs to be seen and spoken to - that will happen more quickly, or should do.

Personally, I would still contact SS. They, I imagine, will be able to get all relevant information pretty well immediately.

The future of your nephew is a difficult one. A father who is EA, or a stepfather who is SA, and a mother who is apparently ineffectual when it comes to protecting him.

I'm not sure about the wisdom of showing her this thread, tbh. This is your place, and you may have need to keep it to yourself.

I simply cannot understand how any mother could put giving her new boyfriend the benefit of the doubt over something so very serious above the safety of her child.

I'm sorry Op but this makes me question your sisters fitness to actually be a parent and have custody of the children. She doesn't sound like she's in her right mind. Whilst the ex might have been EA to your sister he might be the lesser of two evils right now.

The daily mail comment sounds like it came from him not her and she is repeating the rubbish he has spun her.

Playing Devils Advocate: Is it impossible to accidentally download it? I know sometime it's emailed attached to other files/etc and if his job was sorting emails for example, it is possible. In that scenario I imagine the police would record his name somewhere... one could be an accident... twice not so much, so they'd keep an eye. Of course I'm not saying "do nothing" but check with the police and they'll be able to take action, or put your mind at rest either way.

I'm not very 'techy' - more than possible to stumble across images of child abuse on the Internet. This idea that it's all really hidden isn't true IME but I think 'downloading' means you've seen it and clicked 'save' doesn't it?.

Any 'techy' and more knowledgeable people around?.

Thank you boomerang, that was just the information that the op's sister needs to read. I also know that offenders are not convicted either on one download or on flimsy evidence. It takes a long time for police to get all their information together. The offender I know got a few months for his first sentence. He was still a serious threat.

Thanks boomerang. I'm going to copy and paste that to use to put my opinion across.