So DONE with MN ablism / stereotyping

[AffIt]

I'll start:

Problem = X
Solution = "They must be autistic because..."

They don't like wet food
They don't like wearing socks
They shout when I'm in the bathroom
They cancelled a trip
They sometimes look to the left when I'm speaking to them

Please feel free to add your own 'FFS, really?' here.

And that desired effect be to upset the autistics and make them realise they’re not welcome here.

Well, we know we're not welcome here. We know where we stand. Has it gone now? I can't see it anymore?

Anyone who makes up threads to wind any group up is a sad and pathetic person. They're a bully as well. I'm glad I'm not a NT if that's how they get their kicks.

I find a blanket rule is to assume they're all fake and not even bother reading them. They have no relevance.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

I must admit, I wouldn't be on MN if there was an alternative. If anyone finds an alternative then please let me know. This place has been having a detrimental effect on me for quite some time.

If you are wanting a forum just for autistics, Wrong Planet is decent. They have a womens section too wrongplanet.net/forums/viewforum.php?f=27

I'm on wrongplanet 👍🏻😃

Can I join wrongplanet given that I’m not diagnosed

That thread is gone for doubts about the op. After I reported and got the reply I quoted above. So patronising. It was clear as day what the point of the thread was from the very first post.

@AchillesPoirot

Can I join wrongplanet given that I’m not diagnosed

That thread is gone for doubts about the op. After I reported and got the reply I quoted above. So patronising. It was clear as day what the point of the thread was from the very first post.

Yes you can

Thank you @ofwarren

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Anyone who makes up threads to wind any group up is a sad and pathetic person. They're a bully as well. I'm glad I'm not a NT if that's how they get their kicks.

I agree. This place is full of spiteful keyboard warrior bullies who, no doubt in real life, are just fucking saddos who need to actually 'get a life'.

Only a bully would taunt, mock and hate to the extent some of them do on here.

They're beneath contempt.

Agree @Clarice99 - they remind me of the type of saddos who were the "cool kids" on the playground but their lives have gone to pot, and the boobs they once relied upon to get attention are around their knees, so they have to try extra hard and create some drama. Plenty of them in real life who live near me, it's all a bit pathetic.

The autism bashing threads are coming thick and fast. Is it because it's spring? 🤔

This is about the only place on mumsnet i visit now because i find most other boards have so much ableism and bullying that it gets me down. Aibu is the worst. I made a post on the relationships board months back about my poor relationship with my sister and the bullying I faced with her and I was blamed and told I'm "just as bad as her" and must have done something wrong to not be liked by her. I vowed after that not to bother posting again

Do you think people are bitter about having autistic children? Do they resent them? I've always just accepted my autistic and adhd kids and never considered the alternative, probably because of my own ND. I guess ND parents can relate to ND children and provide more tailored support.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation yes sadly i have seen a lot of resentment and a lot of mothers projecting what they want onto their children. I know one woman who constantly bemoans the fact her son will never have a relationship or children even though he doesn't want them and is quite happy, yet she feels bitter because it's what she wants for him

Yeah, they do seem to centre themselves in everything. I find it's better to treat a child as a separate entity and support them in their needs and choices without relating it back to what I might want. I can't really say I expect anything out of parenting apart from hoping they manage to be independent and not get into trouble or harmful behaviour. I don't see them as an extension of myself.

I never come across - in real life - NT parents of ND children. The friend I have is ND and has a ND child. Judging by the posts on here, NT parents appear angry and seem to feel cheated out of the usual parenting experience. I don't know whether parents of LD children or physically disabled children feel the same way. There seems to be a particular resentment and rejection of autistic people. Is this hardwired into NT people? Something of the archaic mind being triggered? Would NT parents benefit from education from ND parents to pass on insight into how to parent ND children or would they be unable to tolerate this? Could they sufficiently moderate their expectations?

I have noticed the same thing. The people I know who are NT treat their autistic children like they are an embarrassment or a failure. I think a lot of them probably could benefit from more education around the whole thing

I think you're spot on there @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Do you think people are bitter about having autistic children? Do they resent them? I've always just accepted my autistic and adhd kids and never considered the alternative, probably because of my own ND. I guess ND parents can relate to ND children and provide more tailored support.

I think so. I remember reading on one of the horrible Asperger-bashing threads that a mother wanted to tell her son’s girlfriend to “run for the hills”. That certainly indicates a degree of resentment to me.

I also think it’s interesting that NT’s are very quick to raise the “can ND people be good parents?” Question (I have personally witnessed Tony Attwood suggest this - no surprises) but I think we should be able to ask - do some (not all, I am NOT generalising) NT parents inadvertently damage autistic children (without learning difficulties) as they place huge societal expectations on them and do not understand autistic issues such as sensory overload etc. But of course we’re not allowed to say that - can you imagine the uproar if we started a thread in AIBU?

I think my (NT) parents put huge pressure on me to be social - to the extent it made me feel like a failure because i was so crap at it. They didn’t mean to - they were conforming, as many NTs do.

We’re going to be facing ableism for a long time. We just have to keep pushing back and challenging - tiring, demoralising but necessary.

@Scautish I wonder how much of the ND child's difficulties could be alleviated if the NT parent was open minded and willing enough to quit the pressure and expectations. I wonder why what we do causes them such a problem. Such conditions are placed on a child as soon as it's born. You read threads about 'my child is 12 months and can't speak or make eye contact', it's obvious what they're asking. It must be their greatest fear. How awful.

Can't drive due to adhd / yes I fucking can
Cant drive safely due to adhd/ yes i fucking can

If you can't "coordinate" enough to ride a bike due to your "difficulties" you can't drive a car AGAIN YES I FUCKING CAN

I have medical issues not related to adhd which mean I can't operate a push bike

But have you tried....FML

@Scautish I dealt with the same thing. I was always pressured to "be social" and even a so called therapist berated me for preferring to be alone over treated badly by dictating that we are "social creatures ". Sure we probably are social if we are lucky enough to meet people who accept us. Not always easy when you are ND

@Theunamedcat

Can't drive due to adhd / yes I fucking can Cant drive safely due to adhd/ yes i fucking can

If you can't "coordinate" enough to ride a bike due to your "difficulties" you can't drive a car AGAIN YES I FUCKING CAN

I have medical issues not related to adhd which mean I can't operate a push bike

But have you tried....FML

Ugh I've had this too. Rabid cyclist telling me there is no excuse for not riding a bike instead of driving a car, and wouldn't take disability as an answer. It is the one time I've wanted to tell someone to check their fucking privilege.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Yes - it is a huge fear for them. The number of threads where I’ve seen people warn off someone from dating an autistic person because of risk of having an autistic child. How must that feel for parents of autistic children who actually love and respect their children?

And then all the threads here, reinforcing the outdated, inaccurate and offensive stereotypes just keep that fear going.

I wish we could have a really honest discussion with MNHQ so they could really understand the damage that is being done by allowing such offensive threads/posts.

I know they would never allow conversations about Downs Syndrome or other disabilities that had comments like the ones we get for autism @Scautish!