So DONE with MN ablism / stereotyping

[AffIt]

I'll start:

Problem = X
Solution = "They must be autistic because..."

They don't like wet food
They don't like wearing socks
They shout when I'm in the bathroom
They cancelled a trip
They sometimes look to the left when I'm speaking to them

Please feel free to add your own 'FFS, really?' here.

@VerifiedBot2351

It’s really dismissive of the colleague. It makes me sad. I found it really painful to read because I know that’s how my colleagues talk about me.

Me too in previous jobs.

I’ve definitely thought that about people (generally men!) before, though. I’ve a very low threshold for people blathering on as I find large amounts of speech overwhelming. If it’s due to autism rather than ego I can understand it more - but it doesn’t make it easier to deal with.

@FieryPitOfMordor

I’m not seeing what’s so wrong with the work one tbh.

And I’m saying that as someone who is autistic - I think the OP is genuinely wanting advice.

The problem is the way the question is framed:

OP: I have an autistic employee who doesn’t behave in the normal way. How can I tell them this and help them behave in a way that neurotypical society currently expects?

It would be far better to say - I realise that autistic people operate differently - how should the workplace operate such that there is tolerance and understanding on BOTH sides such that we all - as far as possible- play to our strengths.

We need to be seen as equals, not deficient humans who are less capable.

I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one. I’m still not seeing the issue. I would want to be told if there are social rules I’m not picking up on. Then I can decide if it’s important for me to care or not!

The problem is the way the question is framed:

OP: I have an autistic employee who doesn’t behave in the normal way. How can I tell them this and help them behave in a way that neurotypical society currently expects?

would be far better to say - I realise that autistic people operate differently - how should the workplace operate such that there is tolerance and understanding on BOTH sides such that we all - as far as possible- play to our strengths.

We need to be seen as equals, not deficient humans who are less capable.

This is spot on @Scautish

The person who started that thread about their employee does not appear to want to support their employee; they want the employee to adapt to suit the job/the environment/colleagues making her 'less than'.

That's not how equality works.

If this were posted:

I have a black employee, she talks in a dialect the team have no experience of and struggle to understand. I've never managed a black person before. How can I get her to behave 'more white' like the rest of the team?

That would be deleted immediately (or I would hope so!). But judgements about autism, the woman 'droning on', that's allowed to stay.

I wonder why that is?

But why shouldn’t an autistic employee adapt to fit a job, if they are able to? I’ve certainly had to learn more skills to do mine successfully. I don’t do it in the same way as someone NT would, I do it in a way that I’ve found works for me. It’s not about making someone behave more neurotypically. It’s about helping them do the best job they can, working with their neurotype. I’m still not seeing that’s wrong.

And some people do drone on - autistic or not! You can’t just expect everyone to tolerate that. I actually can’t - it causes information overload.

ah, primary school summed up in one short post. Clever you!

NT parents inadvertently damage autistic children (without learning difficulties) as they place huge societal expectations on them and do not understand autistic issues such as sensory overload etc. But of course we’re not allowed to say that - can you imagine the uproar if we started a thread in AIBU?

and they get all pissy about it if we point out that they may be "torturing" their child by insisting on doing something...

I wonder how much of the ND child's difficulties could be alleviated if the NT parent was open minded and willing enough to quit the pressure and expectations.

funny, we are supposed to be rigid in our thinking but some nt people can not get past the need to adapt stuff for their child. (primary school again) They are still intent on banging a square peg into a round hole. to the detriment of the square peg.

sad but true.

(really impressed at your ability to write the autistic perspective and sum up so many things in a succinct way. )

I'm dreading sending my autistic child to school in September for these very reasons. He's in a free flow playgroup right now and it's perfect as there's no pressure to 'perform'. I can also keep him off for the day easily if he's not coping that morning or pick him up early.

I used to work in a school supporting autistic kids in mainstream settings and I witnessed other staff telling kids off for stimming rather than letting them be or finding a suitable sensory activity.

I am more than prepared to take him out of school if it's a bad fit as it breaks my heart to think of this happening to my happy little boy.

It's so rude to say so done is droning on. It's up to the listener to act in this case and say I'm sorry but I need to go and do xyz or whatever. Dd has a new obsession. Two actually and she chooses bedtime and waking anywhere to talk about them.

@SheldonsStainedSpot

“He doesn’t care about my feelings” “No empathy? Must be autistic!”

The no empathy stereotype drives me mad.

My dd is being investigated for Autism and this one drives me mad. Of my 3 dc she is the most empathetic and sensitive.