Support thread for autistic people in relationships with NTs

[IncompleteSenten]

I am autistic. (Diagnosed). I was DX as an adult after both my sons were DX and the professionals involved with them began to raise it with me.

Female autism typically presents very differently in women and is often missed and so we go through years of our lives feeling weird and confused and all sorts and just not knowing why.

My husband is NT. It can be really difficult. Its not his fault, it's just how it is but I thought maybe if there are a few of us we can have our own thread where we get to chat and talk about things we find hard and perhaps give each other advice?

Lovely!
I read Enid Blyton books to my kids every night. We are currently reading through the Barney Mystery ones and also read the Find Outers books. We also have a load of secret 7s we haven't started yet.

Secret 7. Such an amazing escape from reality for a kid who doesn't quite fit in. A lovely, safe and comfortable environment. Magic Faraway Tree is even better. So nice to be able to be ourselves

@AutisticLegoLover

I'll read properly later but I'm in my element today at work sorting out glasses into sets. It's very therapeutic.

This actually gave me a little shiver of happiness to read. Bliss!

@AutisticLegoLover

Here's hoping everyone has a better day. I was thinking of dates after looking at Facebook memories and remembered getting into trouble on Facebook being pedantic about what classes as a baby being x number of months old. Lots of people classed a month as 4 weeks but my baby could only make a month milestone if it was the say 5th of the month because months have different lengths so it has to be a calendar month. I got so upset because they were taking the piss and criticising but my brain just couldn't handle the lack of preciseness. Can anyone relate to this?

Yep! I get pedantic and argumentative about historical accuracy of the costumes in period dramas, correct usage and placement of different types of hyphen and dashes, accurate etymology, up-to-date depictions of dinosaurs in media, and other things that no one else gives a toss about but which bring me great joy and inner peace when they are correct.

God, I love my weird brain; yes it’s a pain sometimes but it’s fizzing with information and enthusiasm and facts and I wouldn’t change that for the world

On the subject of books, does anyone else ‘comfort read’? I have certain books that I read over and over and over again and the predictability and the familiar characters create a deeply soothing and safe mental space for me. I do the same thing with TV and films (much to DH’s bewilderment as he can’t understand why i’d rather rewatch something familiar than watch new things)

@KnitFastDieWarm

On the subject of books, does anyone else ‘comfort read’? I have certain books that I read over and over and over again and the predictability and the familiar characters create a deeply soothing and safe mental space for me. I do the same thing with TV and films (much to DH’s bewilderment as he can’t understand why i’d rather rewatch something familiar than watch new things)

I am so happy to have found this thread. Going to come back and read everything but my screen time is about to run out (ADHD oblige). But I had to say I also read books over and over. And films and TV. In sixth form (hated school so much) I used to come home to an empty house and would watch Pride and Prejudice. Every single day school day for two years and most days in the holidays. I wore the video out. Back to present day and I've seen all series of Portrait Artist of the Year dozens of times.

Never understood people who would read a book and then get rid of it immediately!

@KnitFastDieWarm I find a misplaced apostrophe or spelling mistake so jarring that I can't take in the message because my focus is on the wrongness and the universe being out of kilter. I try not to be an arsehole about it because it happens, but it does so get in the way.

[quote AspersionsNasturiums]@KnitFastDieWarm I find a misplaced apostrophe or spelling mistake so jarring that I can't take in the message because my focus is on the wrongness and the universe being out of kilter. I try not to be an arsehole about it because it happens, but it does so get in the way. [/quote]
Yes, this!

I have to proofread any documents people send me to review before I can actually look at the content or I simply can’t engage with it.

@KnitFastDieWarm you said "Yep! I get pedantic and argumentative about historical accuracy of the costumes in period dramas, correct usage and placement of different types of hyphen and dashes, accurate etymology, up-to-date depictions of dinosaurs in media, and other things that no one else gives a toss about but which bring me great joy and inner peace when they are correct."

Oh yes, I know that one too, I'm also a historical accuracy pedant: The only thing I watched in the last several years was Bridgerton, because it was pure fantasy, so I didn't shout at the tv, anything else, no, no, no, no. Sadly no longer dinosaurs, they were a happy childhood obsession.

@RainbowZebraWarrior Well, I had a good evening, of sorts. MIL not too awful (she never was pleasant even without dementia). I watched three of the monster tugs out of Clydeport turn and moor (park?) a large container ship from the breakfast room window (I also love bridges), so exiting (for me). Then after dinner watched Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom, lovely. Now for an early night as I have to face the supermarket tomorrow

aargh, that should read 'exciting, not 'exiting'!

[quote AspersionsNasturiums]@KnitFastDieWarm I find a misplaced apostrophe or spelling mistake so jarring that I can't take in the message because my focus is on the wrongness and the universe being out of kilter. I try not to be an arsehole about it because it happens, but it does so get in the way. [/quote]
I'm really lucky, doing this is part of my job 😊 so people think I'm pedantic because of that, rather than a nit picker!

I listen to the same audiobooks again and again - particular voices such as low deep female voices are really soothing. I get disappointed if I find one but its dramatised - I want monotone delivery

@EatSleepRantRepeat Sadly these days I find my own spelling and grammar sorely lacking - but I welcome corrections!

I am a pronunciation pedant, my particular bugbears being the word the mispronounciation of the word 'Nuclear' ( a BBC News reporter in particular is guilty of saying 'Nucular' - you might hear me shouting at the radio from England) and the the current BBC stylebook way (or so it seems to me) of mispronouncing 'Secretary' as 'Seckertary' - AAAAAaargh!

I suppose these may the the least of the BBC's faults at present...

Oh dear, I stopped making sense there, please delete / ignore the first instance of 'word' - many apologies.

After a minor meltdown. I'm currently sat by myself with noise cancelling on because DP decided to get the very loud keyboard out with our toddler. I'm going out in an hour but it didn't occur to him to wait. He told me that I have kids now and need to 'learn to handle' the noise. Which I know is ridiculous but I'm also feeling kind of guilty for the kid's sake that I can't handle this sort of thing.

Every time I forget something or act a certain way my husband says "and don't blame that on your autism" yet some things I do must be because of it.

He says there is a scale and I'm at the top end. Ok maybe but I'm still diagnosed autistic 😢😢

@bobbythevet

After a minor meltdown. I'm currently sat by myself with noise cancelling on because DP decided to get the very loud keyboard out with our toddler. I'm going out in an hour but it didn't occur to him to wait. He told me that I have kids now and need to 'learn to handle' the noise. Which I know is ridiculous but I'm also feeling kind of guilty for the kid's sake that I can't handle this sort of thing.

I hate the "learn to handle it" thing. How are we supposed to do that?? I've been trying for 42 years ffs.

Does he wear glasses? Tell him he needs to learn to see now he has kids.

Fucking twat.

Learn to handle.

Oh what wise words!
It's all so clear now
You need to learn to handle it.

Oh praise be Jesus you're cured.

If only someone had explained you need to learn to handle things you'd be absolutely fine by now.🤬

I've come back here to retreat from the rape jokes are funny shite being spouted on another thread.

I saw that thread. In the past 2 days I've saw rape jokes are funny and possible sexual assault by a massage therapist is also funny...
Mumsnet is bizarre at times.

Currently got my headphones on listening to Disney music while my autistic 19 year old son is 'singing' in his room. He likes that screaming type rock music and I go straight into meltdown when he starts.
Our autism traits seem to set each other off 😔

@BlackeyedSusan

Does he wear glasses? Tell him he needs to learn to see now he has kids.

Fucking twat.

Fucking brilliant retort Blackeyed.

They really don't get that it's like expecting someone to perfectly control asthma or such like. Being told / pointing out actually exacerbates things for me. Ultimately, this is why I've chosen no more relationships. As I was always waiting for the inevitable fucking stupid insensitive comments and it just made me feel exposed. And more likely to meltdown because I wasn't being understood or respected

Spesking of physical stuff, I have a tremor and varicose veins. My ex would go "Ooh, shaky hand" and "urgh, veins!" constantly. Yeah, mate, I fucking know!!! On what planet is it ok to say stuff like that to someone you supposedly love. The lack of awareness thing constantly amazes me with (apparently) NT people.

I have spent almost all day lying in bed, don't know why, I just can't get going. The DC are teens and they're both out later this evening, I can't wait tbh.

Can I ask a question of anyone who was diagnosed as an adult after many years of masking - did you find that you allowed yourself to "become" (I guess I mean present as) more autistic compared to before your diagnosis? And if so, was that good? Did you "allow" it or did it just happen whether you liked it or not? I am in the process of diagnosis and a bit all over the place, getting completely lost and I have got no idea what's me now.

@EatSleepRantRepeat I have deliberately sought out a career where my grammar pedantry is appreciated

@hoorayandupsherises I used to do exactly the same thing with the 1995 pride and prejudice! It provided teenage me with a calming escape.

Posting about being triggered by my autistic teen made me wonder, does anyone on here have friends who are also autistic and if so, is it easier than NT friends?
I have literally no friends whatsoever but the last friends I dis have were NT and it was so hard to deal with. I can't handle the expectations at all.
I do wonder if I'd find it easier with autistic friends or if I'd still struggle, like I do when I'm around my teen. He is quite extroverted though and I'm not at all.

@hopperrock I’m still in the diagnostic process, but definitely feel that I’m ‘allowing’ myself to be more autistic now, if that makes sense? I feel like that part of myself has been cooped up for so long that now it wants to run free. If my autism was a person, right right now it would be maria spinning around on top of a mountain in The Sound of Music

I also relate to the ‘bed as retreat’ thing. my default safe place if I’m overwhelmed is curling up in my bed in the daytime reading books. DH knows me so well that he’ll ‘send’ me off for a break if he can see I’m on the verge. Sometimes I put the hairdryer on for some soothing white noise and sensory niceness from the warm air. Bliss!