Support thread for autistic people in relationships with NTs

[IncompleteSenten]

I am autistic. (Diagnosed). I was DX as an adult after both my sons were DX and the professionals involved with them began to raise it with me.

Female autism typically presents very differently in women and is often missed and so we go through years of our lives feeling weird and confused and all sorts and just not knowing why.

My husband is NT. It can be really difficult. Its not his fault, it's just how it is but I thought maybe if there are a few of us we can have our own thread where we get to chat and talk about things we find hard and perhaps give each other advice?

Oh @Salaro that sounds amazing.

I think it's starting to make me feel really resentful because we can do it. If we couldn't afford a move then obviously I'd have to live with it but we can.

It does fall under the category of normal neighbour noise I think. They're not particularly antisocial like some of the horrors you read about.

@BlackeyedSusan I'm glad you see my point!

@watchtheglitterdustswirl

Honestly, move if you can. There is nothing more torturous than that horrible booming noise that people inflict on others.

I would in a heartbeat @BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation, it's convincing DH!

@watchtheglitterdustswirl

I was being bullied by previous neighbours. I couldn't cope anymore and told dh I'd have to leave and go live in a rental flat (I meant it) He then realised how much it was affecting me.

I'd live somewhere more remote if I could afford it. Noise is a terrible thing.

@BlackeyedSusan

move.

demonstrating autistic communication. (and distress at the thought of the noise and your dh's lack of care for you. )

I have now caught up on sleep so I can mask a bit and put some extra words in and waffle a bit before getting to the point.

not worth the distress to stay if you can move to a ddetached house. make sure you research properly though so you are not going to get some random other noise nuisance.

some noises you get used to. some are just torture. we seem to be the flat that is torturing everybody else though we seem to be coming through the blood curdling scream phase and the swearing is getting less often.

I feel worn down today by life lol, very dramatic sounding but so depressingly true. Can we start some island somewhere 😂🏝️

Can I come @Salaro? I'm just done today, completely done, and I am so sick of other people!

Yes ❤️🏝️ same same, just done, want some magical safe place that doesn't exist apart, sadly, apart from in my mind!
I would like a job on this magical island, I would like to work with animals if possible 🐶

That would be lovely, I wish there were more jobs with animals to go around. I'd be quite happy poopscooping all day long if it meant I didn't have to deal with people!

What happened to you today @Salaro?

I'd take any job tbh :( I'm in a bit of a Funk today as, I'm in the 88% (of unemployed ppl with asd) the only proper job I had (15 years ago) was very brief but the person got charged with the most horrendous crimes a year or two ago and now they've popped up again as an academic I found out today. And I can't even get a job pushing trolleys, that sounds dismissive but I'd genuinly love a job pushing trolleys, just having a life is unfair moment basically.
Starting to go out less and less too, like outside the house as genuinly what is the point!
Just life feels like a constant battle I suppose.

Urgh I feel I've probably brought the thread down with my pity party! Apologies everyone but feel better after the rant!

Rant all you want @Salaro. I'm having a pity party today as well. Pushing shopping trolleys would drive me insane - as soon as you've tidied them up all nicely some bugger comes and messes it up! The world would be a shitty place without trolley pushers and shelf-stackers, a friend did overnight supermarket replenishment work and it sounded like a pretty nice job because they can just get on with it.

Whats happening for you today?

Would love a night shelf stacking job, couldn't do a day time one too noisy. I never get through to the interview part though 🤷‍♀️ tesco's have some annoying pre questionnaire that I can never get right, just question me on all the brands in your store or something!

I have had a really shit day, got called an ableist on a thread earlier which really threw me. I have spent the best part of the day going over and over it in my head, but have no solution as the thread is gone now. I have never been affected by a post before and I honestly can't get past it.

DH isn't for understanding because it's just a random internet post 🤦🏻‍♀️

I saw that post cheeky I wanted to jump in as I agreed with your post, but I am crap at articulating my thoughts! stuff like this just wears you down. Try and do something you enjoy to take your mind off it if possible (far easier said than done)

Thank you! I'm also awful at saying things well but I just explain that now and step away. Before I would just rant and it would sound awful as an explanation but I'm learning

I'm OK @Salaro - I have a job that I'm good at but the team around me are constantly changing, so I finally get comfortable being myself around someone and they're off, and I'm stuck having to disclose my diagnosis and what my needs are again. I've also been dealing with cheeky fuckers all day trying to take advantage of my good nature which pisses me off. I'm ready to retire already but have at least couple of decades to go, I just want to drink coffee and get quiet time at museums while everyone else is at work/school.

Sorry to hear that @cheekychaplin, some posters on this site are just

Noise is a huge trigger for me. My neighbours really piss me off. I used to prefer working nights as a nurse. It's quieter, often peaceful, there's more time for one to one chats with patients, no relatives to comfort or explain to or calm down, no doctors and allied professionals bustling on to the ward to disrupt my rhythm. They were long hours though and played havoc with my digestive system. I prefer GP practice nursing now than the wards but for now I'm house clearing and loving it. Remember the glass sorting of weeks ago? Next up is china into many, many different patterns. Can't wait! And I've spent hours amongst books sorting and flicking through and admiring and donating or saving. And there's only me and the house owner. Bliss.

to all those having a shit day.

@AlternativelyWired the house clearing sounds amazing.

My husband once dropped his wee compartment case of screws. That was a blissful couple of hours of sorting and he couldn't understand my insistence on being the one to do it and my delight when he acceded.

@AspersionsNasturiums My five year old dropped her entire tray of aqua beads the other day. There were hundreds and hundreds of the little fuckers on my floor.

She was devastated at first (she is autistic too and the horror at the mess!) but once I'd calmed her and I sucked them up with the handheld we had an lovely hour and a half sorting them out all back into their own little colours and compartments.

@watchtheglitterdustswirl that sounds heavenly! (the sorting, not the mess!)

Kind of wish this place didn't appear in active! 🤐