Neurodiversity support thread for women with suspected, diagnosed or self-diagnosed autism, ADHD and other NDs #18

[PolterThreadStarter]

As usual, latest support thread.

Welcome

It's not just me 😀😀😀😀😀

Bloody hell, I wonder how that fits with DPA.

No idea and I don't know if the stuff I found is true.

cut everyone off completely, isolate self and wait until I find a whole new group of people

I've done this a few times in my life. I'm currently just coming out of it and building back up with some people who are ND or have good knowledge of aspies.

I had a massive fb cull after the referendum. DH hid almost everyone he knows so his timeline is pretty much blank.

Why do other people do it? For me it's a combination of:

• not liking phases of my life overlapping
• not being able to cope with being in more than one group of people (i.e. all the internal politics, remembering who's who, reaching out and maintaining relationships and chat, etc.)
• embarrassment at all the things they know about me, feeling I've messed up in some ways and wanting a fresh start
• the sheer effort involved in being in a friendship/college/other group and need to be alone without having to think about it for a while

A lot of it is the shame and embarrassment and knowledge that people almost certainly think badly of me - I'm arrogant, ungrateful, rude, crazy, manipulative, selfish, etc. - and my knowledge from experience that once people have known me long enough they don't like me. I pretend to myself that I can start again with new people and not make the same mistakes.

Mostly that ratty - and being with people who think badly of me (or who I think think badly of me) is a constant reminder to me of my bad points, so all I can think is not "I am having a coffee with this person who I like" but "this person has seen me do X, Y and Z" - the recollection of those social lapses makes me feel bad, therefore being with that person makes me feel bad and I don't want to see them any more.

I have one friend who is an exception to that. She gives NO fucks about what people think of her and has consistently behaved worse than me!

For me I get so far then I start to feel excluded, different, stupid and out of place. As I get closer into a group it becomes harder so I either withdraw or end up doing something stupid. This results in a natural distance that I then extend.

I constantly name change on here because I said something incredibly stupid by accident. I've now got a system where I use this name only in here then a variety of names in general forums. I wish I'd done it with my
Old name but never mind. I might go back to my old name in a bit once my stupidity in chat etc has timed out.

I did write a thesis, but not for a PhD! It was for what they call a Ma-na-Ma here. A master's degree you can only do if you already have a first master's degree in the right subject.

Hello all

Hello Bertie

I'm feeling generally crappy and emotional and irritable at the moment and pushing through any tasks is torture. But I've made a list of the things I need to do before it becomes too late to do them and I'm going to do as many of them as I can now.

Good luck, I've got loads to do to and it's like I just forget, even really important things.

I don't understand how I can plan and execute trips away but can take weeks to build up to going to the post office to post a parcel.

Snap, Bertie, minus the list of tasks. The are millions of things I could be doing (not least doing something about the shithole I live in) but none of them have yet acquired the necessary aura of urgency.

Had an interaction today and think my NDN was really rude but since I'm not very good at judging these things I'll ask here.

Bumped into NDN on school run. She said, 'Where's all your fat gone?'

I was rather taken aback but said I was ill a couple of weeks ago and lost a load of weight because I just didn't have an appetite.

She replied, 'You look much better now.'

That's rude, right? I didn't lose the weight intentionally (though, was a bit chuffed as I'm almost back down to my pre-kids weight right now) and will probably put it back on again and then I'll be thinking, 'So, do I look shit now?'

Yes, very rude.

ratty I did a big de-clutter at the weekend because my bedroom got so bad I got my foot caught between piles of clutter and really hurt myself

Breathtakingly rude.

That's weird. It is rude, but she probably genuinely thought she was being nice.

I'm not doing that well at my list but I'm trying!

Okay. I thought so. I bloody well thanked her, as well, because I didn't know what to say!

I don't know why I'm surprised. She's the one who tried to befriend me last summer but I was put off by the fact she looked down on another neighbour with dogs (I have two dogs!). The nail in the coffin of our potential friendship was her going on about how sorry she felt for us Brits with all 'the P*s' here.

And hi, Bertie! Good luck with your list.

Anybody willing to share experiences of meds for ADHD. Teen being assessed next week and I'm trying to prepare myself in case.

On cutting off from people - It's feelings of shame that make me want to cut off. Especially at work when I think I might have said wrong thing/too much. Ironically have worked in same place for ages.

Feelings stressed with DC doing GCSEs. Not sleeping well. Can't parallel park and I am getting spooked by roads looking different due to trees and bushes being bushy I think so almost not recognising where I am. Bloody exhausting.

BDH I think the polite phrase your NDN was looking for is "you look well."

Well I'd love to try medication so let me know how you get on if you get offered it :)

Here's a thread I saved from Reddit a while ago which is probably useful. It's this specific comment thread so read down before you click anything.

Um.

www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/449cfq/the_truth_about_just_got_meds_i_feel_amazing_posts/czom5h0/

I took ADHD meds, literally every brand available in the uk lmao, the first day I took them, I cried like tears of joy my brain was working, I could concentrate but they worked for no joke about 1 day - a week depending on which ones, then just nothing and docs put on higher and higher doses to find my dose, and a couldn't sleep and a picked my skin and just had basically a horrendous time and kept taking them and different brands recommended by the doctor for a year basically in the pursuit of that one day basically when I was productive, personally I wouldn't recommend, but lots of others have spoken wonders, so I'd say go for it, but be careful, listen to your body, don't let doctors basically experiment for a year if you really don't think it's working.