Neurodiversity support thread for women with suspected, diagnosed or self-diagnosed autism, ADHD and other NDs #18

[PolterThreadStarter]

As usual, latest support thread.

Welcome

Weaver you've used a real name in your post. I've reported it so it can be edited. I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed

Weaver take the help offered. It's ok to accept help. I'm sure they are happy that they can do something for you. You're genuinely in need and I'm sure they know that.

Hope the garage sort the car asap for you. Fingers crossed for a quick and bit expensive fix so that the car is more reliable, at least for the near future.

I keep forgetting that my hair is blue sometimes I look at it and think "yeah cool" other times I think "urgh, I look like a teenage boy!" I think what I want is the light bit washed out and more dark blue roots... but it's only had one wash so I need to wait and see.

I've no clue where I used a name but thanks. Managed to get this week done. Tomorrow will be a chill day. Friends are dropping us at church Sunday and hopefully car will be sorted Monday.

They said the glow plugs are shot so assuming nothing else is wrong it's a cheap fix that will be done Monday.

Today's appt was really intense. Home
Now though and just trying to chill.

Oh, man - it's DS1's school's Summer Fete today. I really, really want a quiet weekend at home after having such busy weekends for the last month or so but DS1 is desperate to go.

I should be back later to actually catch up on the thread a bit. Hope everyone's okay.

(I did catch a glimpse of awesome looking blue hair, though, so thought I'd quickly mention that. It's making me miss my green hair.)

Afternoon all, just wanted to check in as I am currently going through the cycle of feeling very disconnected from everyone I know, and that awful realisation that I have been in job for 1 year and still struggling to accept my position on the periphery, and feel envious of the social scene that has developed between some, yet conflicted as I know I wouldn't enjoy it anyway, as it all seems a little contrived and there is gossip and sniding...does anyone else struggle with this feeling. I have made 1 good trusted friend, who has a daughter with ASD and my insecurities tell me that is why we connect, but I am currently feeling very dissociated with people in general. I'm in that difficult phase whereby I feel lonely and misunderstood and yet I don't want to be with anyone. It's that deeply entrenched sadness resonating from school years, of seeing other people making friends and forming bonds (school gate etc...) and still I am feeling isolated, plus the trauma of being socially ostracised and bullied. I suspect I give off the F off vibe and I don't play the game (gossiping, chitchat and frenemy type crap) and I have form for turning down invites, but I am feeling increasingly isolated and depressed, and angry and embarrassed about my ASD. My darling little boy has ASD, as does my husband, so I feel trapped and frustrated, and extremely irritated by so many people and their behaviours that I cannot relate to...guess I am reaching out to try and make sense and not feel so alone with these confusing feelings:)

Fuck em.

Fuck the lot of em.

You're cool.

Bonstance totally get it. It's like there's this whole social world that everyone else finds so easy, and even though I don't really want to be part of it I would like to be at ease in the same way, instead of everything feeling so hard and complicated. I am so bloody grateful for the internet!

Sorry for the wafflefest without a proper intro...hope it makes sense.

Hey bon, in a similarish boat (husband and myself with asd) and we swing between shall we try and fit in? And just fuck the world and Urgh were so isolated and Urgh people are stressful and awful! I don't know the magic wand fix (if you find it please tell me!!) but you're not alone!

I've been offered a job and I'm not sure whether to be happy or take it or what or if I'm lazy to turn it down or what, confusion central.

Also I just this second pulled out a +2 inch white hair from my shoulder that I'm sure wasn't there yesterday. I'm turning into a yeti ?

And ignore the name switch forgot which one I normally post with on here

It's a bloody nightmare, as when we feel at peace with ourselves, we don't give a crap, but then I get tetchy and bored and feel like I'm missing out etc...I think it's the hurt and pain of rejection echoing from my past, whereas nowadays I know I don't fit, and when I have tried to fit it always felt wrong, somehow. My employment history is scattered, intense or amazing in parts and traumatic in other parts due to masking and being bullied. Having a label has helped me massively with job choices, as I draw strength, understanding and compassion from identification of my traits. I do feel very misunderstood at times when I'm not with my kind of people, as I am very literal and if somebody is nice and friendly to me, I assume they are exactly that! Then revelation that they are not who they present to be really fecks with my head. Still hurts when I am just getting to know somebody and have just been warm, friendly, natural and they turn cold suddenly, but I kinda suspect I know why now I know about my ASD and how I don't fit the mould playing the games people do! I'm a lot more confident in myself now I am crustier and creakier, but I still shed tears of sadness and frustration when I feel that familiar pang of loneliness of not belonging...but when I do get the odd invite, I bloody hate it and find the chit chat and drunken laughter so unstimulating and alien. Damned if I do, damned if I dont!!

Hi Bon. We go through the same cycle. ATM we are just starting to become a little more social. It's hard though.

Hi, Bon!

DH and I have had a really busy last few weeks with lots more peopling than we'd usually do (in-laws coming to stay, DS1's birthday party, my brother's wedding etc.) and I'm at the point now where I feel like I could happily lock myself away from everyone and just exist in a little bubble of just me, DH, DS1 and DS2.

But at other times I feel lonely and wish I was able to socialise more easily.

I like spending time with people...sometimes...certain people in certain situations.

But it also takes so much effort and takes so long to recover from.

Hi BigDamnHero,

Spot on about the recovery! I have had episodes of busyness and when I am with the 'right' kinda people, it is energising in small doses but then one tiny uncomfortable interaction on school run or 10mins spent in the company of a toxic gossipy judgemental MiL ''oh no such thing as ASD in my day, just people wanting excuse to be different or act out, attention seeking OR oh he never acts up for me, maybe you have spoiled him etc..'' can escalate in simmering old feelings and the anger of 'oh feck off, the lot of ya, I'm off to my coccoon' . I have found that going NC with toxic people has helped massively, and the guilt has been banished; I am now quite good at listening to gut feelings (much improved self worth) such as 'danger, run for the hills, this person is a delusional manipulative psychopath who will rip you to shreds' now which I disregarded for so long with 'oh but they are so friendly and I can't think of tangible reason as to why I sense they are toxic'. Fast forward few months later, licking wounds 'FFS, I knew they were a wrong 'un...why didn't I avoid?' Have a great Sunday, thank you for the warm welcome and words of support; hoping to participate a lot more and offer same to others

Bon totally agree with everything! It is hard peopling with the wrong people is the hardest thing. I find I go off people or take offence to something they do/have done and there is almost no going back.

We're lucky. DS is a pain but both DM and MIL have had similar experience with a son being hard to manage - although no diagnosis. One BIL was famously hard work as a child and still very much does his own thing.

I have blue hair at the moment... the bits that are supposed to have washed out still haven't and I wonder if I look like an odd teenager.

Anyway, we are at the PIL today (they are old) and we have a replacement car while ours is being fixed - someone drove into it, but it's a company car so it gets sorted out fairly easily- first thing MIL in said is "do you have a new car?!" she did eventually ask about the blue hair.

I know it's common in children but do any other Neurodiveres adults here have trouble with general bathroom stuff. I mean, i manage fine but i very much doubt i am as good at self care as others, I also tend to wait until the last moment to pee and have always had problems with constipation.

I don't know if this is 'normal' or not.

aspien I do at times. I get so focused on a task I won't pee until I've done a certain amount. I have IBS, food sensitivities. Usually more D but since I started SW that has improved.

Well I'm in hospital, on the other side for a change! The chronic abdo pain I experience ramped up this weekend so I've been admitted to see if they can see why. Most likely cause is gynae..

I don't wash much, if that's what you mean? Only when I'm going to be in close proximity to people.

Oh Faith

I would have 2 baths a day ideally, but have to make do with a shower or bath in the mornings as ds has a bath in the evening and me having one fucks with routines. I wash my hair every time. I brush my teeth twice a day and that's about it. I rarely shave and then only legs. Birthing a hugely headed child has fucked my pelvic floor so have to wee all the sodding time and have dodgy guts too. I cut my own hair and occasionally dye it.

Scan is booked for later this morning. Hardly slept, partly due to pain and it's noisy and there's an old lady who is deaf as a post who needed lots of care in the night!

I shower most days, I at least was my face and under my arms. I can be quite sweaty and I'm paranoid about smelling. Hair I do every other day (it's on the greasy side). If I do it more often it gets crazy. I also find drying it a massive bind.

I defo leave bathroom stuff to last minute of all kinds. I have suffered with utis before as well and even one which went onto my kidneys so I try to be more careful since then bit it just doesn't really occur to me until it's bad.

I have managed to get myself to a state where I want to brush my teeth twice daily or my mouth feels horrible and I think I'm getting there wit showering too as had been rehlarly when it was hot.

Can I ask if people have experienced/are aware of any down sides to an aspergers/ASD diagnosis? I'm thinking about making some big life changes soon and a diagnosis and hopefully some support would probably make life a bit easier. But I don't want to seek a diagnosis if it might hold me back/cock things up.

Not had any personally, but I'm in education rather than employment. It's been a massive help to me.

Thanks autisticrat, at 35 I'm wanting to do an access course and go to uni (which is what I hope a diagnosis will help with). I'm not sure what career path I want to go down yet, but I don't want to commit to something only to find out that a diagnosis precludes me.