Mumsnet shit tips of the day - come add yours

[whomovedmychocolatecookie]

Have your children delivered by caesarian on 29th February to save on children's birthday parties later on.

Print out this thread, bind it and sell at the school christmas fair. This years best seller, me thinks.

Reduce wear and tear on your carpets by:

1. Only stepping on alternate stairs eg. on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays only step on the 1st, 3rd, 5th etc stair. Do the opposite on the other days and on Sundays, as a treat, you can step on all of them.

1. Move all your living room furniture into the middle of the room therefore making people walk on the unused carpet thats normally hidden under sofas and bookshelves.

The day before you get a new puppy take a spade to your newlawn and dig some random holes
Saves your dog the bother
Oh and if you can chew some door surrounds or skirting board that would be good too.

keep your breasts warm at night by storing them in your armpits.

invite local dogs to come and crap in your hallway, will save on shoe cleaning.

LOL at Blinder!

By blinder Wed 11-Nov-09 11:54:24
keep your breasts warm at night by storing them in your armpits

Also:

Keep your tummy/knees* warm during the day by not wearing a bra

*delete as applicable

Get more use out of expensive disposables - simply turn inside out and use again!

To ensure children's school uniform is not chilly in the morning, have them sleep with their uniform in bed.
(copyright for this tip: DS1)

Also, never iron anything, unless it really, really, REALLY needs it (see above).

By DarrellRivers Mon 09-Nov-09 09:25:42
Get children into school uniform at bedtime

Wasn't there someone on MN a few years ago (yes I have been here forever in various guises) who actually did that? I do have a memory of it?

instead of constantly buying clothes your DCs quickly grow out of, dress them in the old clothes you no longer fit after pregnancy.

a quick rolled sleeve or trouser leg here and there and they'll fit as well as any new item.

don't depilate your facial hair. Save your money. Just make sure you never put on your glasses when you look in the mirror. You will never notice and no one will ever tell you.

If you make it to 90 you will have a moustache by then so just embrace it now.

Pre-pregnancy clothes a bit tight? Baby-belly/Muffin-top hanging over your waistband and peeking out from under your top? Just throw away your full length mirror and carry on dressing as if you are really a svelte, toned, 19 year old size 8.

(this must be what a lot of women I see have done, because there's surely no way they would leave the house if they knew all that stretchmarked flab was in full view, would they?)

Dont bother unloading your dishwasher, just get a 2nd dishwasher and move plates from dishwasher to table to other dishwasher - you can avoid the need for so many kitchen cupboards that way too!

*littlemonkeys", we do this [hide].
Soooo convenient !

PacificDogwood - I envy you!

DH not doing his bit around the house yet moaning you're not doing your bit in the bedroom? Stick his name on the bottom of your 'To Do' list, give it to him and watch him move.

ooh pagwatch - slight diversion - saw a woman plucking her chin on the train the other day

not just her eyebrows (which is pretty yuck anyway) but her chin!

though that could be a tip - save time in the morning by doing ALL your toilette while commuting - ignore any tutting about 'in the privacy of your own bathroom' from people who didn't get a lie-in through not following this excellent advice

By Chegirl: "Do you have small children who are constantly asking for things (food, pets, toys and attention). Just answer all enquiries with 'NO. I cant, its not allowed. Its against THE LAW and I will be arrested if I buy you a lolly/kitten/warm coat' Not only will this stop their demands it will also install a healthy respect for authority."

I do this

By AnyFuleKno Tue 10-Nov-09 23:34:49
Friends coming round? To tidy your house in a hurry, simply place all movable objects into carrier bags to be concealed in the basement* put dirty pots and dishes in the oven.

erm... isn't this vaguely common practise?

Avoid having to shell out on treats from the ice cream van by telling your DC that the music only plays when the ice cream man has run out of stock