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Mumsnet shit tips of the day - come add yours

252 replies

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 09/11/2009 09:14

Have your children delivered by caesarian on 29th February to save on children's birthday parties later on.

OP posts:
ChristmasMoon · 10/11/2009 14:32

I have loads at home from the toy kitchen set. I am going to send DS into school tomorrow with a plastic apple and see if he notices

flimflammum · 10/11/2009 15:03

Looking for a gift for your best friend's DS? Buy him a Lego set (preferably one with a recommended age at least four years above his own), and before wrapping it, remove one teeny tiny wheel axle. It'll make a great excuse for your friend to move all the heavy items of furniture in the house to look underneath, so giving the house a super spring clean.

StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2009 15:17

hate dusting and cleaning? fit low wattage lightbulbs, and there will never be a need to clean again

mrsshackleton · 10/11/2009 15:27

Why bother making the bed when you're only going to mess it up again later?

MorrisZapp · 10/11/2009 15:53

When watching a TV show you enjoy, keep the remote control handy. Then, should any of your female relatives ring for a chat, you can simply hit mute and ceefax page 888 and continue your enjoyment of the show via the subtitles, pausing every three minutes to say 'oh I know' and 'that must be awful for you' or your preferred variation thereof.

Megglevache · 10/11/2009 15:55

go and try for a tricky poo? when you really want you children's immediate attention.

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 10/11/2009 16:15

Avoid embarrassing elderly relatives by breastfeeding in front of them at Christmas by putting large christmas stockings over the head of every person over 70.

OP posts:
ActivityApple · 10/11/2009 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 10/11/2009 16:19

Struggling to find accomodation during the school holidays for a much needed trip? Schools are warm, dry and have crap security and your child gets educated by reading the walls in your 'camp' and learning vital life skills such as problem solving (lock picking) and resourcefulness (foraging for food in the cafeteria).

OP posts:
GentleOtter · 10/11/2009 16:34

Want Uggs but can't afford them ?

Simply step in road kill and squish your feet to fit.

pagwatch · 10/11/2009 16:42

When you go to the hairdressers and she asks how you want your hair just say
" please just do your favourite cut."
You will leave with a cut that does nothing for your features but you have just saved ages cutting out pictures you like and explaining in detail your negatives features and how to downplay them and the lovely effect the cut you admire will have on your profile. She gets to avoid having to nod and move around your hair creating the effect of this imaginary cut whilst privately planning what sort of sandwich she wants at lunchtime and notlistening to one single word you say.

The result will be exactly the same.

AbricotsSecs · 10/11/2009 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PopsyWind · 10/11/2009 16:58

Create a waterproof baby sleeping bag using a tescos carrier bag

posieparker · 10/11/2009 17:27

Tired of being addicted to mumsnet, need to get out more?

Simple just write an offensive OP, perhaps discussing SN, in your usual name. People will in deed tell you to fuck off and you must.

posieparker · 10/11/2009 17:28

Need a clean and well ordered house? Get yourself a spare room and simply fill it with all the shit you can't find a place for.

Not suitable for useless husbands.

BouncingTurtle · 10/11/2009 17:32

Want to create an interesting feature wall in your living room?

Put a high chair in front of wall to be decorated.

Place baby into high chair. Give them a spoon and a bowlful of Weetabix.

Watch them fling weetabix on the the wall to make interesting artex pattern.

Once dry, let your toddler loose on the wall with the contents of your make up draw.

Sit back and admire the results.

PacificDogwood · 10/11/2009 17:32

Fed up with Minimalist living?
Get yourself some DCs.
Worked for me .

posieparker · 10/11/2009 17:38

Fed up with a damp free house? Get your FIL to install your bathroom without sealing it, in a matter of months the wet will have penetrated four rooms, at least!

MmeLindt · 10/11/2009 17:49

Do you have excruciatingly irritating twin boys who can neither sing nor dance?

Send them to audition for X Factor, thus ensuring that the whole nation shares your joy.

IrritatedMe · 10/11/2009 18:05

Handbag space saving ideas Part II:

Still have that gym membership card in your wallet? Save space in your handbag by shredding it.

Its unlikely you have used it after the first months gym enthusiasm, so by removing it your have more room for useful everyday objects like chocolate and gin.

CUNextTuesday · 10/11/2009 18:15

HoochieMomma I AM going to do that oh that made me cackle out loud

PopsyWind · 10/11/2009 18:37

Can't be bothered to look for the scissors? Simply open the Karvol capsule with your teeth, for an unforgettable tastebud experience.


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smackapacka · 10/11/2009 18:52

Tired of clearing up baby's reflux?

Get a hungry mongrel!

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 10/11/2009 19:19

Want to go out for the day with the kids but worried they might get tired? Give them high sugar laden sweets and coca cola.

They will be wide awake and happy as larry for hours and hours and hours and hours...

PopsyWind - I've done that - YUM

whomovedmychocolatecookie · 10/11/2009 19:19

Got kids who get carsick - avoid having to remove stains and smells from your car by lashing their carseats to a trailer behind the car.

OP posts:
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