Mumsnet shit tips of the day - come add yours

[whomovedmychocolatecookie]

Have your children delivered by caesarian on 29th February to save on children's birthday parties later on.

Get children into school uniform at bedtime

pour the milk on the weetabix the night before to save time in the morning

Tie dusters to the knees of your crawling child to save sweeping your hard floors.

Never call your relation names during conversations with your DH in earshot of your children. The next time they visit your sister they WILL call her "Auntie Big-Arse"

Superglue lots of feathers to the guinea pig's feet and it will soon clean all those hard to reach corners.

Buy onions instead of apples... they're cheaper.

at this thread.

Don't bother cleaning your house, just move when you have to wade through the sheer amount of crap.

Seal off really untidy rooms with crime scene tape over the doors.

when your son introduces you to his girlfriend just imediately slap her. It will cut to the chase. She's going to hate you anyway whatever you do so you might as well get a free hit in.

Put your baby in a padded suit, spray polish on the laminate in the hall and play "hurling" to while away the dull winter evenings.

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When making a nutritious meal for your family, bypass the face pulling and complaining and just empty the plates straight into the bin. It saves time.

Keep the guinea pig in the fridge and then you will not have that problem with the half eaten cabbage or mouldy tomatoes. Easy to clean out too.

Indulge your inner 'Stepford' Mummy and make your own biscuits. And then misread the ingredient measurements and make 4 times the amount you want. And then burn them to save everyone having to eat them.

Feed your new hamster straight to the cats. It'll save heartbreak in the long run.

The very first time you make a raost dinner try and massively undercook it. You will never then have to do it again.
(copyright Pagwatch @1989)

Every time you are asked to load the dishwasher, break something. You will soon find you are not asked anymore
(copyright Pagboy @ 2009)

ROFL at "it'll save heartbreak in the long run"

Never iron. Clothes will only end up creased anyway. Never make the bed for similar reasons.

When your lovely offspring does a poo, smear it all over the floor/your hair/clothes to save them the bother.

If you're not sure if food has gone off, give some to the cat. If it eats it, it's probably ok.

Don't waste time putting a bra on , they're gonna head south sooner or later!

used tampons rolled in glitter make delightful christmas tree decorations

Paranoid, have you been watching me?