Most bizarre conversation you have had with a toddler lately?

[peppapighastakenovermylife]

This morning on the way to nursery / work we were discussing how it was not a good idea to bite your tongue

We then criticised the cows for not being up yet (were not in their usual field) and how they must not have gone to bed at their usual bed time and how they would be very tired today

As random as they are I am really going to miss these conversations when they grow up

My DS has said that about snot on his top too.

Last night we had this convo...

radio...and next up is Lady GaGa..

DS..Lady GaGa...who what is lady gaga??

Me: she's a lady who sings songs on the radio.

DS: Does she do Songbox then?

I did chuckle at the thought of Lady GaGa rocking up to DS's nursery to do a songbox session!

He also calls Dizzee Rascal, Dirty Rascal.

Last weekend he announced out of nowhere 'Jazzy (our cat) has grown some cheeks.'

typing through tears

Yesterday
DD: What would happen if you didn't had a mouth (a bit of a theme at the moment)
Me: I wouldn't be able to eat
DD: I could help you
Me: That would be nice darling
DD: I could put food up your nose!

Today
DD: I've got a feeling in my leg
Me: What sort of feeling?
DD: There's someone inside talking
Me: Who?
DD: Rosie! (her friend)

She also went through a phase of "don't hit me mummy!" at the top of her voice - I've never hit her!

Conversation with DD (21 months) on the way to her Nan's the other day:

DD: cars go fast!
Me: they do, yep
DD: Me go fast!
Me:
DD: I love cars! I love Aunty Suzy!

Ok then...

yesterday, rushing like a loon around the living room: it's so fun, it's fun, it's fun (repeat ad nauseum)

ds (4): when I grow up I want to ride a motorbike to work
me: ok but you have to be very careful when you ride a motorbike
ds: why?
me: long explanation of why motorbikes are more dangerous than cars
ds: I will be VERY careful mummy. I will do wheelies and jumps and if a car is going to crash into me I will just jump right over it!

I commented on dd (4) sleeping in till late this morning. Her response

"I couldn't get up early because my dream was running slow and I had to finish watching it"

Early spiritual adventures:

DS: We don't need the post lady any more
Me: Don't we?
DS: No.
Me: Who will deliver the letters then?
DS: The wind.
Me: How will it know where to send them?
DS: There are addresses on them silly.
Me: But the wind can't read.
DS: Yes but God made the wind and God can read so we don't need the post lady.

DS1 was obsessed with death when he was 4. After listening in on a mammoth Q&A session on a long drive, DS2, aged 2 3/4, piped up:

DS well I'm going to die when I'm three.

Me I do hope not!

DS why?

Me that would make me very sad

DS I wouldn't be sad because then I would find the key to unlock this cage that I'm kept in.

He is now 8 and, thankfully, still very much with us!

We were on the motorway, stuck in traffic & dd1 (aged about 3 at the time) decided she needed the toilet. I told her I would stop as soon as I could. In a distressed manner, she demanded I called an ambulance immediately!

I had a long and distressing conversation with DS (3.5) the other night. He was crying because he thought Daddy was going to die. Cue long converation about people mostly only dying when they are old, peppered with loads of crying when I said the wrong thing. In the end we settles on us all (everyone he knows) dying all together when DS is very old, and going to heaven, which is just like going on holiday (said that bit because he thought he would have no arms and legs there?!?!). We're taking everything with us, including DVDs. Makke Pakka however, is not coming because "he can't come out of the telly mummy, he's not real!" The next day, during a chat about something totally mundane he announced in a cheery voice "I'm still not keen on heaven Mummy".

My DS was talking to my sister a few days ago and said the conversation went like this:
DS: S go to work
S: where do I work?
DS: Cleaning
S: Cleaning what?
DS: Carrots. (and walked away to play)

Both DH and I keep hearing from DS (2 1/2) 'I see dead people'!
We really do not know what he is saying but he says this when he plays with his stick dolls....(I think he is to young to understand death as a concept?)

Great thread, been weeping with laughter at some of these.

DD spoke very fondly of the 'dinner hole' after her first day at school. (we do live in the North East so that might explain it)

She also commented that 'it is very rare for a girl to have a willy Mummy'

Yes dear,

'And it is very rare for a boy to have a normal bottom!'

Fab thread.

Walking past a church.

DD: what's that?
Me: it's a church.
DD: what do you do in a church?
Me (atheist): it's where people go to sing songs about Jesus

DD breaks down in hysterical laughter.

Me: what's so funny?
DD: people singing songs about cheeses!

Makes me laugh even now.

Before DD was born, DS was asked 'Where's the new baby going to live? In the shed with the lawnmower?' Ds replied 'Um... I don't know. Mum, do we have a lawnmower?', as though having enough room in the shed was the key thing about keeping a baby there. And he was 5, so not even a toddler anyway.

DD is 21 mo and just likes claiming that all animals that aren't a cat or dog is 'Daddy'. Not very flattering to poor DP.

DD (4 next month) came out with a great line today - we walked outside the front door and she took a long sniff of the air and said "Mmmmm mummy, can you smell the nature in that breeze?"

Literally crying with laughter now!

At the age of 4, DD had guilt down to a fine art as every time you told her off, or even said no to her she would pretend to cry and declare "you are breaking my heart"

She's now 6 and still very skilled at martyrdom!

During the one of the ashes tests recently DH and I were checking the score and talking about it when DS1 (4) decided to chip in.

DS: How many goals have England scored?
DH: It's not football, Darling, it's Cricket.
DS: Oh. How many Cricks have they scored then?

Brilliant thread I've got all this to come, so thanks for sharing!

DD (4) told her pre-school teacher that when you die you go up to heaven and don't need your legs anymore so leave them behind on the floor.....not sure where it came from!

She also regularly demands that I play "the lobsters and unicorns game" and proceeds to get furious with me when I tell her I don't know it.

Ooh just remembered another one!
DD's pre-school had building work going on, so invited one of the builders in to see the kids so they could learn about what they do.

DD stood up and asked him very loudly (and accusingly according to teacher!) "Are you God?" Poor builder went scarlet and looked confused. DD said "God was a builder cos he made the whole world. I thought you might be him"

Today as we were driving past an Esso petrol station.

DD: why do they have a tiger wash there?
me: it's called a tiger wash but it's really just for cars, that petrol station uses a tiger in it's adverts.
DD: but they must wash tigers there cos if they just washed cars, it would be called a car wash, not a tiger wash.

this went on for quite a while until I got fed up and put the radio on - loudly!

DD: Mummy, how did the baby get into your tummy?
Me: Daddy helped me put the baby into my tummy (glossing over details!)
DD: Did he dig a big hole in your tummy and plant a special begetable to help the baby grow up?
Me: Em, yes, something like that...

You know the sun right? Well it's a big ball of fire and lava and it's so hot you sizzle like this (does squirming eyes closed sizzling) if you get close to it. It eats fire which is why when things are burning on earth it's important to put the fire out in case the sun tries to collect it.

DS1 currently having hysterics because "today's weather is... Missed!" which means throwing supper all over the floor.

Not so cute, but I love that Planet Protector Reef lives in his hair and they chat. And whenever he sees water, he uses a special voice to say "Look, DS1, water! I loooove playing in water!"

DS2 (aged 2) likes saying UPside Down Giraffe. I don't know why.

Did a run yesterday but was trying to explain to ds1 that my painkillers made me very sleepy but at least no tooth pain. He suggested I had a very hot coffee so it would hurt my teeth so much I'd wake up and run