Most bizarre conversation you have had with a toddler lately?

[peppapighastakenovermylife]

This morning on the way to nursery / work we were discussing how it was not a good idea to bite your tongue

We then criticised the cows for not being up yet (were not in their usual field) and how they must not have gone to bed at their usual bed time and how they would be very tired today

As random as they are I am really going to miss these conversations when they grow up

DS is 6, so also not a toddler, but anyway... In the car recently with him and DD (11). DD and I were talking about something one of us had been reading (I think), when DS suddenly pipes up, "Is that a non-chronological report?" DD and I were speechless!

I LOVE THIS THREAD!!!!! Such a feel good factor. I was feeling crap today but now I'm smiling. Particularly love the Electric sharks and Grandads trousers.

Here is a conversation I had at the dinner table with DS1 when he was about 3.

DS1: I've finished!
Me: Well, you haven't eaten very much.
DS1: Yes, I have but you can't see what I've eaten coz it's in my tummy!

And on the more random side, he (now aged 4) announced to be completely out of the blue the other day....

"Mummy, Ornitholestes was a carnivore"

I have no idea if he's right (or how to spell Ornitholestes) but I was frankly rendered speechless!

spicemonster I would interpret that as RAW egg. But I wouldn't give him a raw egg.

We call breastfeeding 'nums.' DD1, upon seeing DH without his shirt on: "Don't worry Daddy, your nums are still growing."

On a busy train yesterday morning:

DD: Mummy, I think I'm going to marry Michael Jackson

Me: Errrmmm, I don't think so darling, Michael Jackson died, didn't he

DD: Yes but I will just open up his eyes. He will be a skeleton now though, won't he mummy? Just a big load of bones, cos that's all people have when they die, isn't it? A big load of bones and a brain, has Michael Jackson still got a brain?

Me: Umm, I'm not quite sure. So, I wonder what you'll be doing at nursery today?

DD: Just thinking about marrying the Michael Jackson skeleton, I suppose

Me:

DS (3 and a half) last month "Mummy, what's the difference of God, the Government and Santa" - oh where to begin on that one...

Love the Michael Jackson one below.

My DD (5) appeared to have absorbed some of the news coverage of his death as she informed DH when he came home that Michael had died and that "it is very very important never to put chemicals on our skin " (just wait til she wants to start Fake Baking that lily white Celtic skin...)

Spicemonster - DS didn't get a Roary Easter Egg?

DD(3) - Has Grandpa got a beard?
Me - No.
DD - Will Granny knit him a beard?
Me - No, you grow beards, you don't knit them.
DD - Did Grandpa grow a beard before?
Me - Yes he did.
DD - Did Granny Put Her Foot Down because there was too much gingerbread in it? And she took it off?
Me - Erm, well not quite...
DD - And now poor Grandpa has only got a moustachio?

Last week was the first time for this one - now, of course I know what she's on about...

DD (20 months): Mummeeee. I put pen in bucket. (DD holding several pens and waving them in my general direction)

Me: Darling we don't have a bucket because Mummy left it in the sand pit at the park.

DD: Noooooo. I put pen in bucket!!

Me: But I don't HAVE a bucket DD

DD: (Quite agitated) Put pen in bucket... there!! (Points to me)

I go down to her level with the intention of explaining the 'no bucket' situation again, when DD, triumphantly, sticks all the pens down my cleavage.

DD: Mummy there! I put pen in BUCKET!!!.

My cleavage = bucket.

Apparently.

Whilst I've always been well-endowed I do rather think that's pushing it...

All sorts of things go into the 'bucket' now, at regular intevals.

db
xx

My DD broke off her milk drinking the other night to tell me quite earnestly she had eyebrows. Well that's good then!

At breakfast a few weeks ago:

dd(7): why does it say "badges" on the fridge?
me: to remind me to sell Sports Day team badges in the playground before school
ds1(4): oooh! are they real ones?
me: (trying to think what a pretend badge would look like) - yes, they're real ones
ds1: oooh (unfeasibly excited)

long pause

ds1: you will need cages to put them in, otherwise they'll run away

long pause

me: no, badges not badgers

But the image of me standing in the playground with cages of freshly-caught badgers and a collecting tin just won't go away

Spicemonster Can't help you with a Roary Egg, but I thought that fried eggs were called Andrew Eggs until I was 14 and on a residential school trip. My mum used to cook them for my DB weekends, and they just got called after him. He is older than me and it was family folklore by the time I came along. I spent 14 years thinking it was coincidence!

When I asked DD what she wanted for her 4th birthday, she replied "Can I have a horse on top of a chocolate tree, please?"

No. No, you can't.

I've posted this before, but a couple of years back, ds was about 4, sat in back of car
ds- Is God real
me- Um, yes,to some people he is (not sure where conversation was leading)
ds- I know he is real.
me- (distracted by driving) great
long pause
ds- yes- at school, the bible is in the non-fiction section. That means it is true. So God must be real.

Excellent logic, I think!

I love this thread

Not quite a conversation but I'm still smiling about this interchange with 19month DS this morning. We were eating pancakes and DS went to pour his cup of milk on his plate. I said 'no, we don't put milk on our pancakes'. At that he looked me pleadingly in the eye, and said 'sauce?'

They are clever little monkeys.

dd2 age 3: mummeeeeeeee can we go to the similar and get popcorn and a drink?

me: Similar? oh Cin E Ma

Me: Which doggy are you talking about littleBotty?

LittleBotty: the one with eyes!

LittleBotty: is that a dog's poo?
me: Yes, it is
LittleBotty: is it dead?

LittleBotty: Look Mummy, I've found a fairy.
It was a feather

walking around the natural history museum when dd1 was 5 and dd2 was 2- Mummy is that dead?(pointing to stuffed foal) yes darling it is. Mummy is that foals Mummy dead?(pointing to stuffed horse) Yes darling it is. Who killed it Mummy? Why did they kill it?

Followed by 20 mins of DD1 and DD2 looking at everything in the sodding place saying DEAD TOO in very very loud voices.

DS aged 2, accusingly, yesterday morning: X (our dog) has got a digger and he wont share it!
me: um, i dont think he has. being a dog
DS: he has! has got a digger!
me: ok, so where is it?
ds: he keeps it in the clouds.

wtf.... the dog slunk off looking guilty, so maybe there was something in it after all...

When my dgd was 5 her homework was to ask a grownup to take her outside in the dark and say what she saw and heard.My oh volunteered to take her.It was a lovely November evening and when they returned I heard oh saying,'What was the most interesting thing R was it the stars or the lights on the cars?'
R;'It was the dog poo because I saw it and smelled it'.

Love the dog poo and badgers one. Selling badgers...

Me - See that butterfly ..
Dd - Yes, that was a catterpillar ..
Me - Yes, now it's a butterfly
Dd - I don't want to be a butterfly, I want to be a little girl

She's 3.5yo today

This has to be quote of the week!!

"Mummy, what's the difference of God, the Government and Santa" - oh where to begin on that one...

In John Lewis toilets, DD with me in cubicle...

"Mummy, look, you've got such a hairy bottom! Why?"

And it's not like she'd never seen it before!

oh yes, a toilet one - picture very busy loos in busy shopping centre - peak shopping time -

DC1 (very loudly): Mummy, why have you got a piece of string hanging out of your willie