Excruciatingly awkward misunderstandings

[kpnutts]

So It’s late at night when your brain reminds you of those awkward moments from your past...

Back at my first year at university it was a girl in my halls birthday and she was having a gathering of about 30ish people in one of the communal kitchens and I knew say about 5 of them. I arrived and had a few drinks, the music is playing loud and at some point noticed a girl on her own in the corner who happened to wearing a jacket I also owned.

So to make conversation I said something along the lines of “nice jacket, I have the same one”. I realise now she must have completely misheard me and she gave me a very odd look and said “err yes it’s mine”. A bit confused by the response I said “oh I just meant I have the same one, it’s from Zara right?”. Backing away slightly she laughed nervously and replied “haha no no it’s definitely mine, I don’t know Zara”. It’s pretty awkward now so I try to explain I meant Zara ‘the shop’, it doesn’t matter, let’s talk about something else, but she’s only getting more confused.

Suddenly her tone changes, she smiles at me sweetly and slowly says “ohhh I don’t know ‘Zara de-shop’ she must be your friend, is she looking after you tonight?”. In my awkward 18 year old way of trying not to embarrass her and the ridiculousness of the situation I stupidly grin as I think of a way to extract myself from the conversation. She takes this as a yes and continues “Isn’t it great you have such inclusive friends, are you living here by yourself?”. Arghh, feeling too far down the line to correct her and fearing someone I know may overhear, I quickly excuse myself to the bathroom and scuttle back to my room. None of my hall friends ever mentioned it and I never saw the girl again!

It plays over in my mind every now and again how a simple mishearing resulted in someone thinking I had a learning disability and talking to me like a child! She was (admittedly inadvertently) incredibly patronising even so, although I’m sure her intentions were good.

I do wonder if at some point in the next few years she walked past Zara and the penny dropped! I do giggle at the thought of her in a shopping centre having a complete Oh. My. God. moment.

Tell me mumsnet, have you ever had similar awkward miss understanding, or maybe you had a weird conversation about Zara many years ago.

These are hilarious and made me sit laughing out loud to myself.

When I was at uni I applied for a job in a betting shop and got it. On my first day there I went in and told the manager I was there to start my first day. He turned to me and said did I know I had to be 18 to work in a betting shop. I replied yes, I’m 23 so old enough! I was mortified.

Later in the same job I took a bet from a customer. I was still learning the different types and he asked for a particular horse on an each way bet. I looked up at him and replied a bit too loud ‘each way? Won’t the horse be really tired having to run there and back again?’ I would constantly get reminded of that by the customers.

Another time I was invited with my 16 year old son and my 14 year old daughter to my sons best friends mum and dads wedding. As we entered the hall for the reception the grooms sisters and their families turned to my son really loudly and in front of everyone.... oh A*n you have brought a girlfriend with you. They then grabbed me and gave me a hug and my son is stood there bright red in the face saying ‘it’s not a girlfriend it’s my mother’ 😂

A friend of my mums went to see a doctor about a reoccurring sore throat she had been having on and off for a while. The doctor had a very strong Indian accent (relative to story) and went through the necessary checks, temperature and listened to chest etc.

The doctor then asked my mums friend 'Please take off your knickers' Mums friend confused asked a couple of times 'are you sure?' 'Do I need too?' The doctor nodded and said she couldn't complete her checks properly if not.

Cut to my mums friend walking over to the doctors bed pulling the curtain and beginning to remove her trousers. Doctor rushing over confused gesturing for her to pull her trousers back on.

'Your necklace your necklace please remove your necklace'

So not knickers at all I mean imagine

The doctor had wanted to check her glands not her nether regions

One that I’m still cringing about from the other day...

My dd was doing a zoom call with her teacher and classmates. I pop into the room she’s in and ask her a quick question. Her teacher then says, “oh hello wondertime nice to see you, so nice you are joining us.” I feel quite touched as tbh I don’t like her teacher all that much and have always found her to be quite uninterested and dismissive of anything I’ve ever approached her with. I start gushing slightly, “oh hello (shoving my face in the camera) how are you etc...etc...”
My daughter looks up at me with blushed cheeks. “No mum not you, she’s saying hello to wondertime from my class!” (She had apparently just joined the call) I realise they had been talking over me all the time I had gushed my response 😄

The shame...the shame...

Years ago I was at a very posh NYE Dinner Dance, the type with dicky bows and long evening dresses.
I’d not felt well all day but went along as my then boyfriend had bought tickets and we were meeting about 8 of his friends there.
Halfway through the evening I began to feel very unwell and thought I’d better go to the Loo.
As I was walking quicker and quicker down this corridor, I could feel my stomach lurching and knew I was going to be sick.
This guy was walking slowly in front of me and I couldn’t get past him but the Loo was only a couple of feet away, I pressed my hand over my mouth to try to hold it it but just at the door of the Loo, it came ....... and sprayed through my fingers, all over this guys back, I literally pebble-dashed his suit.
Luckily before he had chance to realise what had happened I dodged through the door and sorted myself out.
Ten minutes later I emerge and he’s waiting there, I just smile at him and start walking away, when he says, is there anyone else in there.
Quick as that, I told him that there was a girl still in there being very sick and was it his girlfriend.
He just said never mind, it doesn’t matter!

On my first day at uni, many moons ago, we were invited to afternoon tea at the conservatory of the hall of residence.
The accoustics were terrible, it was full of people but very echoey.

I was talking to another new student, she was standing and I was already sitting on the bench which ran the whole length of the room. Seeing that she had finished her tea, I suggested she put her cup and saucer down on the bench but she couldn't hear me. I tried a few more times but it didn't click so I patted the bench which she took as an instruction to sit down next to me.

So we ended up sitting shoulder to shoulder, side by side, our faces about two inches from each other, trying to carry on a conversation. I was too embarrassed to move.

A foreign language misunderstanding:

I went on an exchange with my Spanish pen friend in 6th form and went to school with her. I tried to join in all the lessons despite my somewhat shaky grasp of the language at times.

In her Spanish literature lesson they were studying love poems by some famous Spanish poet and the class were tasked to write our own inspired by the poem.

I decided that I would write about different kinds of love not just romantic love. I wanted to say something about loving your friends and family and even yourself. I was quite pleased with my effort but rather surprised that the teacher wanted to read it out to the class.

She must have been a sadistic bitch or just wanted a laugh at my expense. The whole class burst into hysterical laughter and I had no idea why but wanted the ground to open.

Later on my friend explained to me that rather than writing 'love yourself' my shaky grasp of reflexive verbs meant I had written 'make love to myself'. Yes I had written an ode to the joys of masturbation!

Some of those are so unkind/vindictive -- for instance the misunderstanding in Spanish, that makes me angry on your behalf @WokeUpSmeltTheCoffee

Aw no sissy poor mini you! I can imagine that happening when we take our Beavers out, we'd tell you to keep it I think!

@travellingspoon

Mine is very similar. When I was 17 I had a newish boyfriend whose older bro was in his late 20s I only met him once. I also went to a church youth group and there were some new people at the church who were getting involved in the youth groups.

Both BF bro and this new guy at church were similar ages and both bald. That is where the similarity ends!

Saw my sisters best friend and her brother talking to the church guy in town and went up to them (he had left) saying omg how do you know my bf brother?? That's nick, he's bf brother!! They looked at me like I was crazy and we all walked our own ways. I literally realised 2 mins down the road!

At 17 this was really mortifying and I actually cried and my sisters friend took the mick out of me for weeks after and each time I felt like crying lol so ridiculous

When I started teaching at my current school I was 32. On my first week a music teacher asked me where I trained. As an experienced teacher that's a weird first question. Then she asked me why I had chosen a part time job...because I had 2 children. She was like 2 children already???!!

Erm....I'm 32!

10 years later and this never happens....so sad

DD used to visit her orthodontist at Addenbrookes, and was usually dressed in business smart as per Sixth form dress code. The number of people who mistook a tall teenager for staff proves that doctors really do get younger as you get older.

I make Greetings cards in the spare bedroom.The computer is there and not being technical I used to get my son to take photos on his phone and upload them- he said if I had a small digital camera - it would be easier. So off I went to the local camera shop with his instructions firmly implanted - mom you want a basic camera- they will try and sell you accessories that you don’t want. Saw a cheap basic camera - asked to see it- kept being asked if I wanted an extra case, bigger lens etc etc - in the end I just said very loudly...No thank you the camera is strictly for bedroom use only. I will only use it to take photos in the bedroom. ( It made perfect sense to me if not to the red faced young Saturday assistant)

No thank you the camera is strictly for bedroom use only. I will only use it to take photos in the bedroom.

😂😂

Many years ago I was working at a veterinary practice when a regular client comes in with his dog. He doesn’t speak much English at all, but we normally always get by with no problem.

On this particular day he comes up to the desk, points at his dog and says “needs snip”

Me: snip?

Client: yes, snip snip (makes scissor motion with hands and points at dog)

Me: (notices dog has two large testicles) Ahh, he needs castrating?

Client: yes! (Big smile) you do now?

Me: oh no, we can’t do it now, we’ll need to book him in for the day.

Client: (looking confused) why?

Me: he’ll need to have been starved first and then need to stay with us for the rest of the day to recover

Client: (looking horrified) starved?! Why?

Me: for the general anaesthetic

Client: (looking more and more horrified) general anaesthetic?! Why?!

Me: It would be very painful to do it without a general anaesthetic

The client agrees to book the procedure (still looking very alarmed) and I give him all the pre-op instructions to take away with him. He goes out to the car and we watch him having a conversation with someone in the passenger seat. He then comes back in 10 minutes later, and starts laughing.

He walks over to the desk, picks up his dogs foot, points to his nails, and goes: “Noooooo, snip snip, see?”

He’d only wanted a nail clip. No wonder he looked so alarmed that I told him the dog would need to be starved and it would be very painful without anaesthetic!

Mine is from
When I was about 10. Walking along the street in a historical city with my grandparents. I had a lovely new outfit on with a really cute hat, I was dressed to the nines (really I looked like total 90's flowery grunge with my little bowler hat)

We stopped to admire some chalk drawings and I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn and there is a man holding a camera up and smiling at me. I strike a pose because I look so cool and his smile instantly disappears as he gestures to the chalk drawings on the floor.

I know it's just childhood embarrassment but in the dark of night it makes my toes curl.

I've remembered another.

I'm not really a girly salon going type and don't understand the terminology about various treatments. I was treated to a pedicure with gel nails for Christmas. I had to go back a few weeks later for a 'soak and polish' to remove them.

I turned up mid January in thick socks and big boots. The therapist asked if I had my flip flops with me. 'Yeah - and my bikini!' I replied as I looked outside at the horizontal rain and she gave me an odd look.

She soaked off the gel nails and got me to look at nail colours while I waited then chatted to me about my favourites. It was only when she started putting nail polish on my toes that I realised a soak and polish was not about buffing my toenails to a high shine. She wanted to know about flip flops so I could get home without smudging the new colour.

I only had my boots and when she had finished I had to leave straight away as all of the treatment rooms and seats in reception were busy. They sent me on my way with post-its on the soles of my feet to get me to the car.

I've never gone back as they probably have on my notes 'idiot who turns up for a pedicure in hiking socks and leaves bare foot.'

@DorisKarloff that is such a funny one. Most pf these arent so bad really but i can imagine playing back what id said and missing a heart beat!!!

Years ago I adopted a cat from the Cat's Protection League. I knew the lady who ran the branch and she brought the cat to my home. I already had a cat and she came over to give the new cat a sniff. The CPL lady said "Well, does she pass muster?" I was very young at the time and, not having heard that expression before said "Oh no, she's been spayed!" 🙈. Didn't even realise the woman was talking to my cat, not me! I've had loads of other cringe moments but I've buried them deep 😂

This isn’t mine, but my sister’s.

Years ago, she and her partner were delivering a tv to someone’s home. Whilst setting up the tv, they asked the occupants of the house to fetch them a “kettle lead” 5 mins later, one of the occupants brings them a kettle base.

My sister and her partner were dying with laughter, The occupants of the house just looked at them like they were crazy. 🤣

My sister and her partner were dying with laughter

I just had to google kettle lead as I hadn't heard of it. I daresay there's plenty of phrases your so delightful sister and partner haven't heard of too.

I've never heard of a kettle lead.

I've heard of a kettle lead.

I've heard of it but don't know what it is.

@SunshineCake @IhateBoswell a kettle lead is what connects a tv to the mains.

@EatsShootsAndRuns excuse me? Is My sister not allowed to find things funny? And from one message you assume they don’t know phrases? Her partner is on 53k a year, I’m pretty sure he knows quite a few phrases to be on that wage!!