Excruciatingly awkward misunderstandings

[kpnutts]

So It’s late at night when your brain reminds you of those awkward moments from your past...

Back at my first year at university it was a girl in my halls birthday and she was having a gathering of about 30ish people in one of the communal kitchens and I knew say about 5 of them. I arrived and had a few drinks, the music is playing loud and at some point noticed a girl on her own in the corner who happened to wearing a jacket I also owned.

So to make conversation I said something along the lines of “nice jacket, I have the same one”. I realise now she must have completely misheard me and she gave me a very odd look and said “err yes it’s mine”. A bit confused by the response I said “oh I just meant I have the same one, it’s from Zara right?”. Backing away slightly she laughed nervously and replied “haha no no it’s definitely mine, I don’t know Zara”. It’s pretty awkward now so I try to explain I meant Zara ‘the shop’, it doesn’t matter, let’s talk about something else, but she’s only getting more confused.

Suddenly her tone changes, she smiles at me sweetly and slowly says “ohhh I don’t know ‘Zara de-shop’ she must be your friend, is she looking after you tonight?”. In my awkward 18 year old way of trying not to embarrass her and the ridiculousness of the situation I stupidly grin as I think of a way to extract myself from the conversation. She takes this as a yes and continues “Isn’t it great you have such inclusive friends, are you living here by yourself?”. Arghh, feeling too far down the line to correct her and fearing someone I know may overhear, I quickly excuse myself to the bathroom and scuttle back to my room. None of my hall friends ever mentioned it and I never saw the girl again!

It plays over in my mind every now and again how a simple mishearing resulted in someone thinking I had a learning disability and talking to me like a child! She was (admittedly inadvertently) incredibly patronising even so, although I’m sure her intentions were good.

I do wonder if at some point in the next few years she walked past Zara and the penny dropped! I do giggle at the thought of her in a shopping centre having a complete Oh. My. God. moment.

Tell me mumsnet, have you ever had similar awkward miss understanding, or maybe you had a weird conversation about Zara many years ago.

@RoseLavenderBlue not Glan Llyn by any chance? I went there in 93!

I’d got to work early one day, not many people in. One of the very senior managers came in to my office with a young man who for some reason I assumed was her son, I don’t even know why. She was thanking him for solving a problem she’d had, and I said something along the lines of him being well brought up, and they both smiled politely.

I just cringe remembering how weird I must have sounded, I mean why would it be her son?? And why did I need to chip in and comment?

angua no not Glan Llyn, but i did go there with secondary school in around ‘86! It was Glynllifon, so along the same lines.

Several years ago, I think I was about 22 (relevant as it makes this anecdote even more embarrassing for a grown woman) and me and my mum went on a day trip and did the usual lunch and shopping trip thing.

We went into a shoe shop which I have always found a somewhat awkward experience since I was a kid and usually avoid until I have about two pair of suitable shoes left and desperately need some. I also have quite wide size 7 feet so feel like I am wasting the assistant's time frequently when they spend ages looking in the store room for a specific shoe only for them to not fit me at all.

Anyway, I digress. So, I see some shoes I like relatively quickly and the assistant is being lovely and helpful and it's not too much of a traumatic experience thus far. The assistant returns with the shoes and it comes to the obligatory uncomfortable moment of her standing there waiting whilst I try the new shoes on.

I try one shoe on and it doesn't fit so I just declare to my mum and the assistant that although I really like them unfortunately the shoe doesn't fit. "That's the right one." the assistant says adamantly. I respond "I know it's the right size for me but I don't feel like it fits properly." "No, that's the right one", she continues. My mum just stands there in silence looking at me along with the assistant. I respond again, trying to be polite but firm this time as I think this woman is trying to coerce me into buying shoes which blatantly don't fit, "It really doesn't fit, it's actually hurting me a bit". Possibly this went on for one more exchange in the same vein until my mum says exasperatedly but also slightly amused "The lady is saying you've got the right shoe on your left foot!" I'm literally mortified at this point as I thought the woman must've been on commission or something and was just trying to force me into buying shoes that didn't fit!

My mum still brings it up to this day and finds it funny but I still think the assistant could've been clearer in her communication! I realise she was probably just trying to be polite and do her job without making me look silly but a bit of directness on her part could've cut this painful encounter short.

Also, I live for threads like this, loving all these awkward stories. Misunderstandings and people going to great lengths not to address the misunderstanding are the basis for some of my favourite classic sitcom episodes but some situations in this thread are actually even funnier than anything anyone could script!

Some of them have made me shake with laughter. The great British habit of trying to style it out while digging yourself in deeper!

I was only about 12 when this happened, but it's haunted me throughout my life.

I was at an Indian restaurant with my parents. When it came to ordering, I said to the (Indian) waiter, "I'll have the chicken Madras please."

He tilted his head and went "Maaahhhh..."

I thought he was teaching me the correct pronunciation of "Madras" so I mimicked him:

"Maaahhhh..." I said again.

With an almost imperceptible frown, he repeated it. I also repeated it. Finally, he tilted his head again and said:

"Maahhhh... I think a Madras would be too spicy for you."

The sound was clearly just his version of "Errm..." He must have thought I was taking the piss out of his accent. Mortifying.

Just remembered another one. Woman I had just started working with was showing me her wedding photos on her phone. "Thats a nice one of you and your dad!" I said.
Actually it wasn't her dad, her husband was much older than her.

I have an acquaintance - parent of a friend of DC's. We don't see each other very often but when we do, we exchange basic pleasantries. I messaged about a week ago to ask how they all were (He, wife and child) and got a message back saying "I miss my mum."
So, I replied to say that yes, it was awful not being able to see family in lockdown, etc.
Of course, she had passed away after a period of illness.

I didn't know this, and very embarrassed checked his social media but saw that there was no mention; I still felt awful.

Funeral Bunny inspired me to nominate this for classics.

cms *What really gets to me is that in my drugged state I couldn't put my finger on the cause of the obvious tension in the room"

What an appropriate turn of phrase

Many years ago I went to France for a holiday with my DH. On arrival at the gite where we were staying we were greeted by the owner (and a rather large dog). She gave us instructions/information about the gite in French. She didn't speak any English but my DH could speak a bit of French. I listened and tried to understand but she spoke very quickly. When she had gone my DH said "she has very kindly invited us to a steak dinner at her house tonight". She hadn't said a time so we turned up at 7pm. She answered the door and looked very surprised to see us. It turned out that what she had said was something along the lines of "make sure you shut the door to your house or my dog will come in and eat your steak dinner" Slightly embarrassing but she did find it funny.

Oh god acat that is bad. Mine is similar but not as bad.

In my early twenties I went to a trainee solicitors Halloween party. I worked for a small firm so was the only trainee everyone else worked for large firms so went in big groups I went on my own. I went for it - dressed as a witch broom green face black cloak. Arrive - everyone else in suits 😮. I then drank a spirit I never usually drink and fell into a hedge on the way home. I moved to London shortly after that. Trainee solicitors in the provinces are the dullest group of people alive.

These are great

I just thought of one when I was at university. I used to work in the Student Union bar and was working one busy Saturday night when I served a fit bloke who was a friend of a friend and quite clearly giving me the eye. Or so I thought. I served him for the third time and when I was handing him his change he had a bit of paper in his hand with his phone number on it, pre mobile days. I gleefully took it and put it in my pocket. He looked very surprised and said, "erm, can I have that back please?" I immediately handed it back only to see him pass it across the bar to the person he really was giving the eye to, looking at me like . I laughed it off making out how funny I was for doing this but inside i was dying

These are brilliant. I was 6 months pregnant with DC2 looking for a new maternity bra (in a general underwear department not specifically maternity wear) I was in a rush that morning so didn't have time to put any make up on but thought sod it.. Shop assistant comes over and asks if I need help. I had a big coat on so I begin to explain I'm looking for a maternity bra taking off my coat as we are talking to reveal my bump. She looks me up and down and I can see she is horrified but carry on chatting about pregnancy she keeps making odd comments about what do my parents make of it etc and then I mention DC1 to which she starts lecturing me on teenage pregnancy and I'm too young to be pregnant. I then explain how I'm a married 27 year old.. She doesn't believe me and carries on saying she would help me still but I don't need to lie... Despite protesting it takes me getting my driving licence out to prove my age.. She goes bright red and apologises over and over. I didnt know whether to be mad or flattered.

@Toomuchtooyoung01 That happened to me and my ExH, who's only actually ten years older than me, but I used to look young for my age so I guess the gap maybe appeared to be larger than that.

When DS was small and we were living in the Far East, we went to a Christmas Day lunch for expat families. I didn't know many people there but ran into a woman and her DC whom I knew from my mums & babies group. None of them had ever seen ExH as he worked away mostly.

So anyway I’m chatting to this woman, and ExH comes over with DS, who was at the toddling around the room stage so he'd been following him around. She saw them coming, recognised my DS, looked up at ExH and said, in that big gleeful baby voice (you know the one), 'Oooh, and is this GRANDAD??' I thought it was pretty funny but I don't think he was impressed! The poor woman was clearly mortified when I corrected her, because she said something very defensive and never spoke to me again after that!

@HelloBambinos That's terrible. Even if you had been a pregnant teen, it's not a shop assistant's job to lecture you about it! I'd have complained, I think!

@turquoise50 I think I was in shock mostly.. That and I had hypermesis all the way through my pregnancy and i just wanted to get my beige unflattering yet supportive bras and get out of there before I vomited over the floor.. Suppose that would have been karma though.

I love SO MANY of these, Funeral Bunny, K-Dog as the street name, the newborn/vasectomy confusion. Brilliant.

I was a barmaid when I was 18, and we got a new male manager who was friendly and nice. One day he called me over and said "Birkenshock, are you.... available at the moment?"
I assumed he was asking me if I was single because he fancied me, and I said quite patronisingly "Oh, gosh, no, I'm really sorry, I actually have a boyfriend"
He looked blankly at me and utterly baffled and said "....... I was going asking if you were free to go and buy some ice cubes because the machine has broken". Mortified.

@acatnamedfox this thread has given me some laughs but yours wins 😂

FuneralBunny reminds me of the time I gate crashed the wrong funeral. I was driving to Northampton to my elderly auntie’s funeral and my parents had given me the most awful directions. So I pulled over near a little shopping precinct and phoned my dad, who basically hissed “it starts in ten, where are you.” I did my best to explain the shops etc and he said “for Gods sakes you’re basically there, it’s just round the corner.”
He says they are in the chapel, sitting on the front row.

At that exact moment I see a hearse and coffin and a group of mourners outside a church. It’s clear that most of the mourners have already gone in and a few are waiting to follow the coffin in. I thank my lucky stars and make my way over.

I don’t recognise anyone immediately but I’m so overcome with relief I assume all the family I recognise have gone in and these are my aunts friends. So I mingle in, and follow the procession up the aisle of this busy church.

You can see where this is going, can’t you? We get to the front. I. Recognise. Nobody. Not a single person. And I’ve followed the deceased’s immediate family right to the front row.

I stand there for what seems an eternity as the front row slowly turn to look at me. Clearly all thinking WTF?

So I ....

Oh God I’m cringing.

I BOW slowly to the coffin and do a weird reversing job, walking slowly backwards out of the church. Every set of eyes is on me.

When I get outside I mumble the name of the place I’m meant to be to one of the hearse drivers and he says “yeah that’s the crematorium...it’s a mile that way.”

I make it in time. Just. But somewhere out there is a whole family wondering who the actual fuck I was, and why I followed them into the chapel, bowed to the coffin then reversed slowly out again.

Shred! Bowing to the coffin has made me chortal.
Yours and the funeral bunny one are the best.

Chortle, even

When I was about 10, I was in a large park and there was a fair few people other kids on swings etc. A nice lady came out with a tray of ice creams and shouted 'Come and get them!' Which obviously I thought was great. So I ran over and grabbed one from the tray, and then over to my mum who was mortified and explained they were just for the kids she was with, she was a teacher on a school outing thing. My mum made me go back and put it back on the tray while all the kids pissed themselves at me.

Oh God another one I'd buried deep in the depths.

Came out of the pool at centre parcs . In the changing rooms there was a big body drier thing that you stood in to get dry. How novel, I thought, as I discarded my towel and squeezed in with a family of four, closing the door behind me. My husband walks round the corner and looks mortified. When i got out (the family had all stopped talking to each other at this point and were just stood staring at me while we all got dry)
When I stepped out, my husband pointed to the sign outside it that clearly stated it was a paid machine. I'd thought it was just a free, communal thing, like a hairdryer. Oh god I can still see their faces.

Oh @ShredMeJillianIWantToBeNatalie this has to be in the top 10, if not the winner!!

Has anyone mentioned, 'your minge'? It is in classics somewhere.

I have shared this on here before, but anyway... years ago, in my twenties, I had a job interview for a senior admin position in local government. The interviewers were a penal of five who obviously had a set script to ask questions from.

At one point in the interview, one of the panel smiled and said they wanted to know more about me as a person. I happily obliged, then they had obviously moved back to questions about the job, but I hadn't noticed this shift.

Another guy on the panel asked me about training and if there were any skills that I would like to acquire. Still thinking they were talking about me as a person, I happily stated that I would like to learn to make balloon animals from balloons.

I will never forget the look of horror and bewilderment on the panel member's faces.