I have loads.
A girl I sat next to at my last charity in the office came in wearing a nice dark blue suit.
(She had opinions as did I, and we got on rather well though everyone thought we didn't.)
"May I say," said one of our elderly female volunteers nervously, "You look as though you're dressed for St Trinians?"
H glared daggers at her then retorted, "Good, that's exactly the look I was aiming at."
She never wore the suit again and I don't think she ever spoke to that volunteer again.
(She'd merely say to me in front of her, "Could you ask K if she would do so-and-so..." Luckily K was rather deaf.)
I once tried to give a homeless chap a sausage roll and a bottle of mineral water on a hot day, before I learned the city homeless were given daily free food etc by local charities.
"Oh, I'm sick of people giving me sausage rolls" he grumbled, "And that water is fizzy. I want still. Don't you have any still?"
"Sorry, I'll see if the lobster bisque is still on," I said offhand then stalked off in a mood munching the sausage roll later.
At a job interview for the civil service (Environment) I was asked what difference the Channel Tunnel, then finally being built, would make to Britain. I was still nervous.
"I have absolutely no idea," I said. "It will make no difference to me personally, I assure you."
Recently a girl, blonde as it happened in an interesting outfit, approached me on a bench in the city and started complimenting me on some little trinket I was wearing. Then said, "So, have you considered changing your energy supplier?"
"Oh, no, that's all my landlord's business," I said. "Sorry. I thought you were trying to chat me up?"
She turned red, mumbled something, then rushed off.
Also at work people used to ask me: "How are you?" "My life is a tragedy waiting to happen," I would say, "And now I have you to put up with to boot."
They seemed to think I was being serious. They were right.