DH's obsession or whatever. It's not normal is it.. what should I do?

[NewSchmooo]

Today there was a mix up at work with my shifts and I came home from work only 45 minutes after I'd left.

I found my DH of 7 years naked on the bed surrounded by all the stainless steel kicten implements that we possess and rubbing a knife sharpener gently up and down an intimate area of his body. He was very aroused. He even had pot pourii candles burning and soft lighting.

I knew something was amiss as soon as I came in because it was so quiet and I just had this intinct but I had been putting the bin out for tomorrow so came in through the conservatory and he didn't hear. I just opened the bedroom door (we live in a bungalow) and there he was.

I know its not another woman but what do I do about this. And the softlighting and stuff; he hasn't made that much effort with me for years.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone ever heard on this? A knife sharpener for goodness sake. I feel sick. Have obviously changed my name for this.

No tarpaulin?

My mum bought the throw back from Mexico cappincino seeing as you asked. I think it was from a local market. I don't tell her what we use it for. or used it.

I don't know what he is doing. I have just seem him walk from the kitchen to the lounge and back again three times. The cat is just watching him.

oh oh oh oh nearly there

How is it better to wash a throw than wash the sheets?

is it a Velux?

My eye swelled up like I'd been punched and I started to gabble "maybe we could pretend we were having a food fight - I'll chuck some chocolate mousse at you.... you chuck some spinach roulade at me...".

To which he said "don't be so ridiculous" and walked out of the room. Leaving me alone in this room coated in spunk...

Why is the cat watching him?

PMSL Capuccino

It bloody stings when it goes in your eyes.

Is the cat a metaphor?

I'm really hoping that 'the back door is open' is not a metaphor

perhaps the cat is watching out for his stainless cat bowl?

the cat is thinking 'Nice socks. Calvin Klein?'

I've never had it in my eyes. I put tablespoons over them.

So I get to the toilets, somehow. I clean up as best I can. Everything's ruined. Mascara all over my face.

Then I go into the bar area of the party and there he is talking to his mates... loudly saying "...came in her eye!"

What did you say to your mum Special?

Message withdrawn

Oh goodness. Do you think I should go in?

Then you can all carry on laughing without me that will be nice for you. But your company has been better than none.

Oh God I have just seen him bring the blue marigolds into the kitchen and he was carrying the garlic press I think.

I am looking out of the skylight on and off because I want to see what he's up to and I am in the office/garage in the garden. He's wearing his hopsital pyjamas and he never wears them! Well not sine he had his haemorrhoids done.

What should I say to him?????

rofl at tablespoons

Message withdrawn

Noooo. Come on NS - tell me this is a wind up - am feeling sooo guilty about laughing.

It's all too much...the husband was wanking over the milk pan, there was no mexican throw on the bed to catch the spunk which now I reaise I obviously need, mum may want a vol-au-vent so throw some spinach at me, the cat is watching the wanking husband pick out a utensil and now theres effing spunk over suede shoes.

Purple suede shoes? Really? Brain is having trouble computing...

Best not to say anything - just hand him a whisk and wink

Lol @ special.

I was more shocked about the semen on shoes than by your BJ next to the buffet table

NS - I dont get the cat bit ?

Schmoo, if you have a punchline to wrap this up I will start a fanzine.