DH's obsession or whatever. It's not normal is it.. what should I do?

[NewSchmooo]

Today there was a mix up at work with my shifts and I came home from work only 45 minutes after I'd left.

I found my DH of 7 years naked on the bed surrounded by all the stainless steel kicten implements that we possess and rubbing a knife sharpener gently up and down an intimate area of his body. He was very aroused. He even had pot pourii candles burning and soft lighting.

I knew something was amiss as soon as I came in because it was so quiet and I just had this intinct but I had been putting the bin out for tomorrow so came in through the conservatory and he didn't hear. I just opened the bedroom door (we live in a bungalow) and there he was.

I know its not another woman but what do I do about this. And the softlighting and stuff; he hasn't made that much effort with me for years.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone ever heard on this? A knife sharpener for goodness sake. I feel sick. Have obviously changed my name for this.

Feck me, this thread moves quickly

Message withdrawn

Well, it will vibrate

Pelvicfloor do you not think a tea strainer doesn't address the mess on the Laura Ashley? May I suggest an egg cup?

"steel yourself" NSF

Oh please stop folks.

Oh my god, imagine what you could do with those tongs...

Message withdrawn

Don't you get semen on your bedding during non fettish sex?

Because how can you pleasure yourself with an electric knife sharpener! It's not stainless steel for a start. Or else the toaster and EVERYTHING would need replacing.

I have enough to replace as it is. I am no the Lakeland website. I see no reason for this tawdry business to force me to downgrade to a lesser brand. Even though my life is in tatters.

Oh God the back door is open.

Oh specialmagiclady do NOT click on pelvicfnm's link. It might prove too much for your weewee.

Weebleswobble-Egg cupnot sure he would get the same patterned effect?

'back door' - please clarify ... is this an analogy?? I'm already quite lost...

unnecessary details

like the brand of bloody equipment for starters and the make of your kitchen

and then just as we might be getting bored, you bring in the garlic press

keeping the readers' interest, v good

have you been on a course?

Thinking of you schmoo...

Quick get the cling film out - don't take any chances with your back door!

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No we DON'T get semen on the bedding! We have a throw we use for that kind of thing if he is not planning to ejaculate inside me. Don't other people??!

But I can't think about that now. Clearly I am surplas to requirements. And oh God I think we'll have to have a new bed. Or I will.

The back door is still open and the cat is sitting in the door way. He is no longer in the bedroom but I can't see him in the kitchen. I am standing on the filing caninet looking out of the sky light

Sorry, baby cried.

Right so anyway I get down to some action and "le moment juste" arrives. I pull my head away and the gentleman's "gentleman's relish" goes in my eye, onto the shoulder of my bolero, over my shoulder onto my new purple suede shoes.

Did I mention that my mum was at the party?

a throw?

from the White Company?

heehee, bolero

Heavens to Betsy!!! Not suede!!!

lol @ special. semen on suede is not good. did it stain?

NS - a throw? to catch semen? I just wash the sheets

You sucked someone off next to a buffet at a party that your mam was at? I have a strange admiration for you

Why you lookin' out of the skylight, schmoo?