Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

They just turn up every week

Oh. My. Days. You still have weekly rubbish collection?

Point out to them just how darn lucky they that it's collected weekly and not every two or three weeks!

I would take it to the local police as "you've got two weeks" sounds like a threat, albeit a vague one. The police will probably know who it is as they've probably got form for nutty letters.

That looks like my nanas and neighbours hand writing. Both older ladies in there 70s.

Oh - vicinity - I get it now! I thought that 'fascinate' must be an archaic word and couldn't find a matching definition.

But, wow, they've certainly given themself away with the handwriting!

I think I'd blow the letter up and post it n the village noticeboard. Half the village will know who that is.

Hahaha this is bloody brilliant! The spelling is shocking though

It looks like a child wrote it given the handwriting and spelling!

Yes they turn up every week and take as many bags as you put out , no wheelie bins either!

Also if you are on the housing register they give you a little typed card and you have to take it to the council every year and get a date stamp on the back to say you still want to be on it. We’re old school around here

If rubbish is dumped on your land you are responsible for dealing with it. But if it is dumped in the middle of the road highways have to come out and remove it.. Bloody hate fly tippers and why it's our responsibility to clean up after them!

Have you checked the cctv?

The village bobby will enjoy this! She can turn all ace detective!

Village noticeboard is controlled by the parish council, would have to ask them first

Same as the village newsletter which vets submissions

There is a man on the farm who looks after the CCTV, I’m waiting for him to come in and check it

Please correct it with red pen, laminate it and stick it up underneath a large sign warning fly tippers of the CCTV!

Flybird, don't forget the pub, church, Post Office and shop too - if they have notice boards.

'measures to make you think!'
Oh flipping heck, now you've had it, op.

Wow that letter! It's def written by one of the "this village is for local people" brigade!

Check the heavily vetted Parish Noticeboard to see if the handwriting matches up to the 'certain villagers'.

This is a very strict Parish! :-D

OP, please tell me you own a Peace Lily!

May I offer everyone a Cornetto?

Please correct it with red pen, laminate it and stick it up underneath a large sign warning fly tippers of the CCTV!

^^this

I would have to correct that letter. It's so hilariously badly written.

Can't wait to hear what the local bobby says!

I would enlarge the letter stick it on a bigger piece of paper with a headline like - Anonymous Bully in Village - write your explanation underneath the headline, laminate it and put copies of it up all around the village in key places: trees, noticeboards, bus shelter, lamp posts, local shops etc.
Or is that something someone in your fasinate who writes notes like this might do?

As an aside, your watermark isn’t going to stop The Sun :o

Please definitely do what @Soupdragon said. The spelling, grammar and punctuation were terrible in that letter.

I think the Village bobby will be helpful with regard to the fly tipping but given that (I assume) that's what you'd rather have help with make sure she doesn't get distracted by the harassment/threats side of the anonymous note.

Good luck!

I have to say, it looks like a bunch of older citizens got together and crafted a semi-threatening over a pot of tea and a Victoria sponge.

Best crack on and get those wheelie bins to avoid their wrath.

OMG a copy of the letter is being kept
Bet that out the wind up you OP?
Anyone else have a picture of the letter writer in their head? Certainly voted “leave”, the misplaced indignation and ignorance is a dead giveaway ( joking)