Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

How is she going to get WI woman to admit to being the letter-writer though?

Waterboard her in a vat of jam?

Ooh this should be good

Interestinger and interestinger!!

So, farm rental man, whilst a bit cheeky, might not necessarily be a total flytipping git. Although if he was, he now knows you've got the measure of him. So I expect you scared the bejabus out of him now!

Blue car folk - well, you've got to be damn clever to chuck stuff out whilst in motion. They've clearly been doing this for some time. Perhaps, as a PP said, a full size cardboard cutout of a Bobby right by your verge (but clearly not Julia, as she appears to be sunning herself in the creek!)

"...she thinks she knows who it is, a woman from the WI who does volunteer litter picks around the village and has form for anonymous letters". Love this! After all, any long standing residents should recognise that writing and spelling. Are you/we nearly there?

Sorry but how do you get black bags collected weekly round here?This week is a recycling week in the rest of the Area. And only three bags when they do collect. Asking for a neighbour.

Battery operated camera placed on a tree, further up the road, should catch the fucker in the blue car next time. It can be pointed towards the front of the car. One further down the road on a spot where they’d have to slow down, just for extra measure. They’re very discreet.

This cardboard cutout might scare them www.amazon.co.uk/Chewbacca-SW-TFA-Lifesize-Cardboard/dp/B0191N1KVE/ref=sr_1_24?keywords=cardboard+cutout+life+size&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1530204561&sr=8-24?!

We have a fly tipping problem too and security camera is practically useless as they either drive too fast, or at night drive with full headlights so you can’t make out the number plate.

Perhaps if you can track down nutty-letter-writing-woman you could persuade her to stake out your gateway and tackle the offenders. If she’s a well established villager she will probably recognize the culprits and can send them anonymous letters too.

The cheeky git that's renting your unit! "Oh I only do it before collection day" - so he knows when it is then!

Ooh a WI suspect, this gets better and better...

DaisyMay1, is your neighbour in the C* area? If so they are under a different council to us. I know they have strict rubbish collection. We’re still old school

@Alanamackree

Like that suggestion. If this was a movie, this would be the 3/4 plot twist, where the assumed villain (whom the audience has watched at play this whole time and were misdirected into false conclusions) turns out to be a great side kick and the real villain chase can begin.

How will it end?!

In response to pp who asked what I replied to my anon letter I was a bit panicked as I don’t really like confrontation. So I took the wuss way out (although it did have maximum effect)! I spoke to said nn without letting them know I knew they were the letter sender and basically expressed how only someone ridiculously stupid would think they could have access to someone else’s garden! I also may have lied that I’d spoken to some other neighbours and we couldn’t believe someone would be so rude! —i also may have said I often sunbathe nude with hubby— Weirdly she pretended to agree with me....I no longer live there but a friend lives on the street and she continues to send not so anonymous letters!! All from ‘the street’ of course!

Oops strikethrough fail! I can never do it 🤦🏽‍♀️

Well it's easy then isn't it? Wait till the summer church fete, go to the WI stall and there, on the jars of jam, will be handwritten labels...

With any luck some of them will contain 'Servile Mamalaid'

I live this thread so much. I hope I’m local to you 😁

This gets weirder and weirder!

I think you need to go around the village and take note of all blue cars.... or sit out there in a high vis with a hair dryer....

black sax servile mamalaid Find out if anyone does javlin fly or someone with big guns/gym bunny cos someone is strong ti manage that out of a car window.Plus a weedy looking female driver poss called Madge or Mavis....

Madge/Mavis being the accomplice of course. Sorry to ask mid-investigation but what does it mean when someone posts a or two? Don't get it as fairly new on mn (thanks to whoever answers)

I am planning on making a load of jam this weekend...I will happily supply a vat or two for the potential WI jamboarding interrogation

The two biscuits upthread were creatively used a la Belgian buns in Calendar Girls, I believe Biscuits are generally doled out when a poster "takes the biscuit".

@BoreOfWhabylon - I laughed out loud at waterboarding in a vat of jam. Kind of horrific in the style of Spooks' deep fat fryer really.

This thread is planning out to be like Murder on the Orient Express. They're all doing it!

@Snoopysadog - a biscuit is a MN insult. It originally meant "no comment" owing to the Gordon Brown thread a while back (he was asked what biscuit he liked, didn't answer, MN were outraged and biscuits were endlessly discussed), but it's morphed more into "your post was twattish and so I am giving you the finger biscuit", though the more polite am sure will still use it to mean no comment... HTH!

Panning out, not planning out - sodding autocorrect

How will it end?!

Obviously with a shoot out at the rubbish dump.

Juliet will come good, pick up a vital clue. Hot foot it to the refuse pit without alerting the parish council. She's confront the letter writter, alone without calling for/waiting for back up.

Letter writter will pretend she's going come quietly, but then ... bouf, bouf, bouf. It's all over and Juliet'll done in with a failed victoria sponge to the back of the head.

I'm a bit shocked at the latest updates.

I had this idea that the WI would have Standards when it comes to writing. I mean, maybe not as strict as for cakes and jam and embroidery and stuff, but still.

I may have to review my whole understanding of life. Or at least the WI.

As an aside - I am in a weekly bin collection area. I live alone and rarely have enough to put out every week.