Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

And there’s a old tale about a farmer banging himself from the oak tree** 😬😆😳

Bloody brilliant thread. But @FlybirdFly tell dd it's not acorns it's PINE CONES that predict rain.

Good that the fly tipper has been identified. It does occur to me though that ‘certain neighbours’ have got what they wanted and given the threatening tone of the letter they don’t really deserve it.

On a brighter note I’ve throughly enjoyed this thread.

Ha you're back Tatty - thought Janet had eaten you or something! Thing is though JB would still be covered in dog poo given that is what one of the bags is filled with wouldn't she...though...she could get her teeth round the toothpaste tubes! I do agree you should let the farmer know though FlyBird and let him sort out the unit rental!

Thought I was reading the sex Hedge thread when the banging trees farmer was mentioned 😂😂

Well that thread has just reached its hilarious climax @northernlites!!!

SassyAssassin Janet tried to eat me! She actually did. She was veeeery weird, who walks around with a taxidermy squirrel? Janet bloody does. I think I've shaken her off. I hope she's not related to Juliet 😳

Why would there be a bag of empty toothpaste tubes?

FlyBird open the other bags! What's in them?

Slime!!! Someone is making slime! If I wasn't sure you weren't my neighbour I'd be questioning my DD. She's the child version of Breaking Bad.

Is it doggers? 🐕
There has to be a link between dog poo and toothpaste?! FlyBird are you sure it's dog poo? 💩

There has to be a link between dog poo and toothpaste?! FlyBird are you sure it's dog poo?

Oh my god, is he LIVING in the lock up? And cleaning his teeth and shitting in there.....??

Oh shit! 😁 I think AlphaJuliet has got it! But ... a tube of toothpaste would last one person 4 weeks? Going on an average of one poo a day, a bag of poo might be 30 pops 💩 but there would only be one toothpaste tube? I think he's making slime/crack. FlyBird we need to know what's in the other bags before they're collected in the morning.

I am agog

He's going through toothpaste cos he hasn't got water in there to rinse with! He's living in that bloody unit - why else would he be there at stupid o clock to dump rubbish! Bet it's cos his wife threw him out for shitting in little bags!

OMG! We had someone who rented a garage near me... he had been thrown out by his wife.... he ended up living in said garage and was eventually found out/evicted when he had left the door open one morn and was seen squatting on a bucket! So yep....unit rental guy could be living there...and, as he's moved on...it could even actually be the bucketshit crazy guy!!!!

What a weird development! Although it doesn't get you any nearer to finding out who the letter writer is.

I'm still laughing at "farm house style house"

So do you think that he just thought his rubbish should go on the pile in the field to be burnt? And then when you put the locked gate on the field he thought that he should chuck his rubbish on the verge - and hadn't realised he has/should have his own bins?

You'd have thought he would have asked the farmer what he should do with his rubbish once the field was locked off and no more bonfires.

Gosh. I suspect he is living in the unit too. How are you going to broach this with him?

SassyAssassin it would be a strange turn of events if your garage man was FlyBird's farm nan.

If he were her DGM it certainly would be Tatty!!!

I agree with the PP who suggested that the note must have come from someone from the new builds, given they seem unfamiliar with the area (the name of your lane) and unaware that a 200 year old farmhouse isn't a 'farmhouse style house'!

How many new builds are there? Could you make copies of the original note with a response to the effect that it's not your rubbish, you are being plagued by flytippers, but as you have CCTV at the farm you are trying to discover who the flytipper/s is/are. And then post it through each door at the new builds?

Yes Sassy that would be a strange twist 😁💩

Farm man Obviously not nan.

PanPan the dumper may be aware of what he should be doing with his waste but is unwilling to pay council charges for it. Now his little scam is going to come back and bite him in the arse, hopefully.

Toothpaste is sometimes used to clean car parts - is the dumper in that line of business?

Boak at latest suggestion that dog poo is not actually dog poo...

The rubbish bags round mine when we had garage dweller were full of similar...and it def wasn't dog!

Ah, yes, Sharpie. I hadn't thought about that, re the unit renter dumper

The OP said he rents plant machinery, so that could be possible re the toothpaste. Why is toothpaste used to clean car parts ?