Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

Absolutely loved reading this thread. Just what I needed :)

Well there you go, OP, DH is the perfect agent because nobody would believe for a minute he’d be at all suitable!

This thread is about to fill up - just saying

There once was a woman on MumsNet
Whose death tale we shall not forget
Her untimely demise came as quite the surprise, as we see that she’s not that dead yet.
It’s such a fab story, and so it begins
When Facebook condolences come flooding in
In utter shock to what’s just been read,
She pinches herself
And goes back to bed
But wait, dear reader - though this deaths fake,
She wants to hold a sodding ‘fwake ’
And so, back to where it started
Some digging’s done - all quite lighthearted.
The culprit is found - we’ll call her M-Zero
Who turns out, quite fancies OP’s Viking Hero
She tells a tale from quite some time,
Of the sordid affair of year fucking nine
The thing made me chuckle more..
‘Forgot to tell the mother in law’
God love her, our foot-thieving Sadist.
Fly high our angel - you’ll be sorely mist.

RIP

How does it feel?

Hooray MandaPanda, a fitting eulogy!!

Mandapanda, that is fabulous!

OP, my DH is an amputee (motorbike accident age 17) and he - and I - have no filter when it comes to his leg.

He delights in stapling into it, or easing it off and turning it 360 degrees if he knows someone isn't aware he has a prosthetic.

He jokes that the church wanted to gather funds to raise the roof and he 'gave them a foot'.

He says that our house (purchased with the compensation he received) cost "An arm and a leg, well a leg..."

If the kids stubbed their toe, he'd tell them (ever so straight faced) that that was what had happened to him as a kid too.

And I'll never forget the look on DD1's face when she was a tiny toddler. She'd watched him remove his leg. Then he told her to take hers off too. She pulled and pulled and pulled then cried that hers wasn't detachable like dadies.

As PP said, best thread in years. it also sounds like a possible side-benefit of this silly woman's trick is that OP gets to reconnect with some old school pals (I think the various 'you will be mist' posters on her FB feed were people she's not really been in touch with for ages)...

But, yeah, I can see the possibility of it getting less funny if silly woman doesn't retreat. Hope it doesn't get that bad OP.

(Oh, and I knew someone at uni with a prosthetic leg, too. He used to take it off at parties and then come hopping round the next morning to ask for it back.)

Is it all possible that someone has catfished her with your DHs photos?

It's probably simpler than that and she's batshit... but if that had happened it may explain her sudden interest in him via fb

What a brilliant read. I want to be your friend !!! As a side note...now you're dead, can I have your username??

Great thread.

I'm imagining the séance:

"I've got a... Big...Fat...Fanny. Can you take it luv, can you take it?"

Well this thread was like MN of old, well done OP
Thanks to you I now have in my head...BigFatFanny can't come to the phone right now wait for it because she's DEAD!!
Can't beat a bit of Taytay to go with a literal spoof death metal

Oh and for all Adam Hills fans out there...he was born without his right foot.

My last wheelchair services appointment I'd a wee lad meet me as he was proudly marching along the corridor testing his new prosthetic leg & I could see his DM tense when she realised that we were at eye level as I was in my chair so whatever I said in reply to "look at my new leg!" was going to have that much more impact. Genuine smile & "that's so cool - it's the same colour as Spider-Man [who was on his t-shirt] wears: definitely a superhero leg!" was apparently totally the right response. (Really sucks that clearly people didn't always respond positively. People are The Worst.) I wonder if his parents also have a collection of limbs building.

Could you maybe pile the limbs up & enter the Turner Prize BFF? The prize money should [help] fund a shiny (possibly literally) new prosthesis.

I hope you haven't called 111..... £16 that...and you are quite clearly dead!

Just RTFT . Desperate to find out what you got for Valentine's day.

Morning all

No further M0 updates I’m afraid but I have discovered DH isn’t on shift today so he has approx 12 hours while I’m out of the house in the office today. This is always dangerous as DH has a unique set of skills tailored for tomfuckery.

I’m not northern Irish but DH’s mum most certainly is She moved to England before DH was born but her and SiL both have very strong accents still.

I’m not worried about being outed, I don’t post anything confidential generally and DH is happy to be on MN too, he got his own account last night

Please tell me his username is 'fatfannysfoot'

Welcome to MN MrBFF! Look forward to hearing about your tomfuckery today!

Glad M0 hasn't spent the whole night messaging!

I’m not at work this week but I asked DH to make sure he woke me and brought my iPad up when he left for work this morning so I could catch up on poor dead BFF and the one footed Viking hero.

Well worth missing a lie in for.....