Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

Oh perfect Convivial!!

I actually stopped making pancakes to finish reading this

Been reading on and off all day and it's properly cheered me up.

OP I luffs you and DH.

I also love hairy vikings, death metal and weirdos like me........will you please, please let me come and live with you???

I'm only 6 years older, you could still adopt me, yes??

You sound like my kinda people.

As for WF (Weirdo Fucker) I have no words.

She is clearly not well, and probably bearing some sort of mad ancient grudge.

But please, please can I come to the fwake??

I've been cursing having so much work to do today, ended up taking more breaks than I should have done just to catch up in here.

This whole story has had me roaring with laughter but also just at the fact she must have thought she would get away with it.

My DH's ex spread some awful things about us when we got together (they'd been split up for a while but I think she thought they would get back together), but I don't think even she would have gone as far as telling people I was dead.

Would you send Messages to dead person? Whoever did it must have thought about? Surely you wouldn’t be able to check your messages when you dead:/

Eric the viking from The Last Kingdom would have to play DH surely? Can totally see him being in a death metal band.

On a separate note I am longing for him to write a song called The Tragic Demise of Big Fat Fanny. Could be their breakthrough hit and dedicated to M0.

Yay! So glad you, your Viking DH & his foot/or lack thereof have made Classics! we'll ignore M0 & her batshit part in it

I spotted this story just before my migraine kicked in this morning. My how it escalated!

There really isn't much more you can say to her and tempting though some of these responses might be I think you're right to not poke the hornet's nest.

Best to get it out of your system on MN where we can enjoy your and your DH's oneupmanship humour

Brilliant! Kept me entertained throughout the day,
You and VDH (Viking dear husband) sound lovely and she sounds like trouble.
Another one here wanting to come see a gig next time!

I’ve been following this thread all day and it has completely cheered me up.
You and your Viking stud hubby sound amazing! (Waves if said hubby is reading) After reading about his previous Valentine’s Day present selections I am intrigued with what you may get tomorrow.
Enjoy your caterpillar cake and, you know, being alive!

Just got to the end of this. How my wine has managed to not escape through my nose is beyond me. Enjoy the Chinese OP!

I am full of Nutella pancakes and just caught up with the last bits of the thread while sitting on the sofa lamenting the fact that I don't have a tall, Viking musician of my own, I'm quite good at flat pack, so self assembly doesn't deter me.

If your DH does decide to release his debut single "The Tragic Demise of Big Fat Fanny" I for one would buy it. I would also like to come and see him perform it live.

I had a flat mate at uni who had a prosthetic lower arm,wrist and hand. when he was asleep we used to swap it for anything we could find that would screw onto the socket.

soup 😂

This thread has made my day

Screeches We love you MrBigFatFanny faints like a fangirl

And MrsBigFatFanny of course

Ryan Reynolds is the only one could pull off the humour.

I think margot Robbie should play op.

Xx

soup prosthetics are oddly fun aren’t they??

DH has had a number of different feet, but always the SACH type (solid ankle, cushion heel) due to cost.

The weirdest conversation you’ll ever have as a couple is ‘we can either afford a new kitchen or a functioning ankle, what’s it going to be?’... needless to say we went for the kitchen

We’ve saved up again now to get DH a foot that has a moving, working ankle which has a microprocessor so it adapts to slopes and terrain and stuff. It will mean he’ll be able to buy shoes with differing heel heights for the first time ever instead of having to stick to the same shoes all the time... I’ve promised him a pair of 90’s spice girl worthy platform foam shoes to really test out the gadget foot

See I'm thinking very tall, beardy, viking-esque metal musician DH and thinking even though he's not an actor surely the only person to play him on screen is Zakk Wylde?

illinoisentertainer.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/ZakkFeature_2.jpg

Brilliant. RIP OP.

I’m a little bit in love with you Mr BFF.

M0 sounds deranged. Best ignored I think.

Great thread, enjoy your cake and wine.

You both sound like truly lovely people (you and your DH, not the crazy lady who invents affairs and deaths ), I’m very glad you’re not dead.

Your DH should post his old school photo from yr9 on her wall, saying how handsome he was back then, and it's no wonder she fancied him.

Kristofer Hivju is a great suggestion.

Surely, Fake Death would be a great song title for his band.

See, I’ve always thought he looked like a younger, slightly beaten up tormund from game of thrones which is a miraculous transition from looking like the Weasley brother they chained up in the cellar and never talk about when he was a kid

Gadget foot sounds good. DS2, in Hamleys, walking upstairs behind a man with a gadget leg: "THAT MAN'S GOT A ROBOT LEG!"