Embarrassed myself during cervical smear

[cunningstunnt]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the female version of Mr Bean. Went for a smear today. Nurse tells me to get undressed, lie on the bed and cover my modesty with the sheet. no idea why they tell you to cover your modesty when they're going to see everything anyway

She opens the curtain, looks at me like and says 'no you need to lie the other way'. Ummmm thanks for telling me! Cue me, legs akimbo modesty in the bin trying to swing myself round on my arse and getting caught on the paper sheet on the bed.

Literally every time I go for a smear something daft happens like this. Does anyone manage to sail through the experience with grace and dignity??

The last one I had was incredibly painful. I'm usually good with all of it. So don't know if she was no so good at it or me post menopausal.

Hi have a fabulous male Doctor that I'm sooo relaxed with that we are usually joking about something at the time but I've had him 30 plus years and I know how lucky I am

OrangeFluff

I think you and HelsinkiLights have the same nurse lol!

As others have said, a smear is already about 9 on the scale of undignified and embarassing - I don't think being the wrong way round and bum swivelling makes it any worse (and I'm sure they've always told me which way to lie, I probably look like someone who'd get that wrong!). I thought you were at least going to say you farted during the procedure .

I have had tests where they can't find my cervix, and rummage painfully (and a couple of time have had to go back because there weren't enough cells after all that). But there's a nurse at our docs now who does the whole thing in about 20 seconds, no hunting around, no pain, plenty of cells - so I think that is her superpower, and am going to make sure I get her for tests in future!

Just remembered the Mner who had a bit of an awkward one...

She hopped on the bed with knickers off, dropped her knees apart and said "Sexy time" as the doctor approached her

Can't remember her name but was written in a v funny way

I read years ago (on t'internet, so it must be true...), that a woman had a quick wash , grabbing a flannel by the sink, before leaving home for a smear test.

The doctor remarked near the start, that she'd 'really made an effort', and she thought it a bit odd, but she decided to just ignore it.

When she got home, she found lots of glitter in her knickers - it turns out she'd grabbed a flannel that her DD had used to wash her hands after an enthusiastic art session...with a great deal of glitter scattering !
I think I'd drive myself mad wondering why the doctor thought I would have done that!

My lady garden resembles an overgrown meadow (not green) in the 70s style.

The gynaecologist snagged a stray hair with his finger and, rather than pretending it hadn't happened, he apologised, saying. "That was a long one!"

I still when I think about it...

Thanks for the laughs.

I've reported to MNHQ as I think it should go in Classics so as not to be lost.

Very funny thread!

I'm an ex HCP and know my PN through work. At one test the PN asked me about going on an upcoming course during the critical part of the procedure.

My usual concern though is whether the surgery blinds are tightly closed. For some reason the business end of the examination couch faces the car park.

I'm absolutely loving this thread. Brilliant!!!

Yeah. In Classics.

Mine isn't fanny related, but it was soooooo embarrassing! I cut my finger on a broken glass while washing dishes, and four hours later, the cut still hadn't stopped bleeding, so my late DH took me to A&E. Cue a tall, very good looking black African doctor (not sure why this mattered so much, but at the time it did - I am originally from SA, so that's perhaps why), starts cleaning out the cut with a cotton swab - rubbing against the raw nerve endings - it was excruciating, so I promptly passed out and fell off the examination table. Came to a few minutes later to find myself lying in a pool of blood and wee with Dr Dreamy staring down at me. Yes, I had only gone and lost bladder control and peed all over the floor . I was mortified, and then had to walk back through A&E with soaking wet trousers reeking of pee!

Ok, hopefully there won't be many people who read this now so here it goes.

One of my most embarrassing moments in life was at a smear test. She asked me to get undressed and cover myself and to lie on the "bed". So I did. She took her time a little and maybe from nervousness but I all of a sudden felt an urge to fluff.... Yeah not a good feeling when you are lying down waiting for the nurse to come around.
I tried to squeeze so it would stay in but then she told me to relax... And that was the moment I will never forget... Although she had a face mask on and it was a silent one I know she smelled it because she was trying to be very quick and you could see her eyebrows getting closer to each other (probably in discuss)

So yeah, I wouldn't really worry about your little incident OP, I'm sure these nurses has seen it all...

May have been my son! 😂 We used to discuss anything but since he qualified I get lost as he "shows off" his knowledge and all I want to know are the funny stories which he won't tell as "his ladies" dignities are worth more than my amusement 😐

Notsoyummi (sorry not adept at posting)