to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

TOGETHER AT LAST!

and as a special guest tonight ladies & gentlemen, little Thumbwitch on tambourine!

Holy crap, if it's a percussion free-for-all I'd better get my maracas out.

I think we have some of those made of bollocks...

Again. I wish I was joking.

God, this thread has taken right off since I last saw it. It's been highly entertaining and sort of horrifying in equal measure.

Not to mention educational. Spider poo, who knew?

The above link to the different species was too horrific to stare at in any detail but my lot (Stripus Bastardus) wasn't on there. I'm very worried about this new information relating to their fondness of diving into wine glasses. If they figure out the reliability of finding a half drunk glass lying around my house I'm fucked - they'll ALL migrate in from the garden.

Hudyer MN has FORBIDDEN me from posting more pics. Even when the Stripus Bastardicus have just woken up. It's like they WANT our wine ruined.

Your only hope is upturned cupcake cases on your glass pierced with a straw.

if they invade your straw then...then...heaven help us all.

Maybe you're actually just freaking out MNHQ with the pics? They're making me itchy and nervous. Our floor has been stripped in the living room and I know those massive biting house spiders (aka The Beast?)like to live under the floorboards..

I think I christened Stripus Bastardus in my first post.

We found what I thought was Aragog today at the IL's house but your spidderlies take the biscuit bess

Jorah is an excellent name for a spider, if you ask me

Jorah, I dub thee namer of the hoardes. Frankly I hope you're proud of yourself.

I think we've established that every venemous British spider lives in my wine. IN MY WINE PEOPLE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

See, wine invasion would be the last straw for me. Perhaps literally, if I decided to give the cupcake case/straw wine protector a go.

Don't resort to alcohol, I can't see that sauvignon problem...

Bess I love you.

This thread is like old mn

The spiders I don't love so much

Bloodylead. I am feeling very loving to everyone who has contributed or laughed at this. Have only been on MN for a week so maybe I'm all fresh and 'SMELL MY ARMPITS'.

Y'know. Like the...cool kids?

Smell my armpits is how humans make friends right? If not I have got this whole fooling the human population into coming close enough that we can bite them socialising thing all wrong.

Bess, you are my new very favourite MNer. This thread has been equally horrifying and hilarious. You have quite the way with words .

Please keep the wine swilling spider and bollocks maracas anecdotes coming, they are keeping me entertained while I drink wine and wait to take DP's work clothes out of the oven.

Shadows, I am all-a-flutter and conversely not surprised at all (had never heard of MN until last week when was told-off for not knowing what Lemon Drizzle thread was)

Are we cooking DP's clothes because of arachnid risk? Or worse?

DOES HE WORK AT JURASSIC PARK?

Ah, the lemon drizzle thread. Yup, that was a good 'un. You should have a browse of the classics topic, lots of fecking hilarious threads there.

Yes, DP does indeed work at Jurassic Park. He's actually Ian Malcom (a girl can dream ). Clothes are being cooked partially due to risk of arachnid attack. He washed his work clothes too fecking late on a Sunday night, and it's too hot to put on the heating and dry them on the radiator. And if hung on the line they are likely to become spider infested. So into the oven they went! There's a big fucking beast of a spider lurking on a web in the garden, and DP has spider ishoos. I daren't get close enough to ascertain what variety of eight legged motherfucker it is, but it's fairly hefty looking.

I hope Little thumbwitch entertained on the tambourine while I slept.

Been out and checked the glass with the white-tail under it - white tail still there. I can't quite work up the necessary to lift the glass and hit it with a shoe, and I don't want to spray it because it's actually a plastic glass and DS1's favourite one (minions on it) and I'm slightly concerned that the pesticide woudl stick to it and evade proper washing

Just been entertaining the toddler with videos of people trying to capture Huntsman spiders. I'd link, but you'd all freak.

Is that the video where a man is patronisingly trying to explain how to get a saucer sized spider off the ceiling, saying how you have nothing to be afraid of and then it jumps on his face and he screams and runs in circles?

I have new advice for bess - foster kittens from the Cats' Protection people. They like hunting creepy crawlies, can climb wallpaper and squirm into the smallest of spaces.

Your house will be a mess but a kitteny mess is much cuter than a spidery mess.

:D there's videos on YouTube of how to catch spiders!!!! I'm horrified as actually want to go look :O morbid creepy curiousity hahaha

Yes, airside, that's my favourite. Then there are the ones where the guy is trying to vacuum the spider off the wall, but it climbs out of the hole when he removes the hose! so he gets a Dyson, that kills it instead.

wheely - this is for you, so you don't have to Google. You don't have to watch either

I want to see that video but I'd have to work up to it. I encountered a huntsman when in Australia..

I'm also joining the OP appreciation group.

Surely this thread should be nominated for Classics?

Bess, you should be on the stage.

Yy to kittens chasing the spiders. The only problem is that they grow up and get lazy. Then you're stuck with a cat that will only eat the idiot spiders that literally wonder across her paws.

This means that it's only the smart spiders that breed and in a few years time they will have evolved and taken over the world. It's simple genetics. [wise]