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Original poster

to kill all the spiders?

997 replies

bessarabiantiger · 29/08/2015 16:17

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

OP posts:
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Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 18:09

I feel strengthened by the fact that you're all with me. I mean not actually with me, you're all sensibly far away clutching flame-throwers, but in spirit. I feel like a really, really, really shitty David Attenborough, bringing you all the best spider facts and being so wrong that it's possibly (hopefully) quite funny and endearing.

OP posts:
LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 30/08/2015 18:16

(Notes idea about hair spray instead of fly spray)

wheelycote · 30/08/2015 18:17

Bess have freaked myself out looking at spider species!!!!! Hahahaha been trying to identify the buggers that lived in the cellar...thy look like funnel web.....ewwww

And your aggressive one in the log pile sounds like 'the aggressive housespider /hobo spider' that are aggressive and like to live in logpiles, abandoned sheds etc..

My garden needs tidying....I'll be wearing my socks in my trousers and thick gloves after reading all that...

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 18:22

Take a flame thrower. It's the only way.

Found out I was also wrong about money spiders. Thought they were those cute tiny black ones who you let walk across your palm and then you get money.

They are not.

They are yellow and BITEY. We have those in the garden. Because of course we bloody do.

EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE IS TRYING TO KILL ME. BAH!

OP posts:
munkisocks · 30/08/2015 18:39

Yanbu. If it was my house I'd burn it down. I hate all spiders.

Youarentkiddingme · 30/08/2015 18:51

Is have scrolled down this thread soooooooo slowly as not to be taken by surprise by spider pictures! (I am more a scared at first sight sort of gal!)

But I have giggled at all the comments.

I have also loaded up right move - I may be a little too close to OP for comfort Grin

twinjocks · 30/08/2015 18:53

This thread is keeping me highly amused today (apart from the pics, which I am scrolling past v. quickly, with eyes half closed!) and I am giving you my full permission to annihilate all the spiders. My preferred method is scrunched up in a tissue, then burnt in the fire (to be sure, to be sure!).

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 19:01

Twinjocks, we've accidentally put spiders in the stove (and woodwasps, you live by the woodpile, you die by the woodpile) and am not going to lie - some make an amazingly satisfying popping sound.

youarentkidding - no need to move, apparently every fucking spider in sussex lives at my house!

OP posts:
Puffinsharon · 30/08/2015 19:11

Try laying a sheet of loo roll in each corner of the room. It sounds bloody mental, but MIL lives in a dilapidated old French farmhouse that was previously overrun with the crawly little bastards and swears by this.

I have no idea how it works

Youarentkiddingme · 30/08/2015 19:13

I don't live in Sussex - but I still feel too close Wink Grin

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 19:16

Puffin. Sold. So far it's magic earth, conkers and loo roll corners.

That solition may also encourage them to wipe their arses...

OP posts:
Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 19:17

Youarentkidding, Christmas island?

OP posts:
Puffinsharon · 30/08/2015 19:19

I tried conkers too, but it didn't seem to work. I've remembered that French loo roll is scented, so maybe that's the answer.

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 19:23

Puffin, do you think it works because they've read about what Twinjocks does to them? Are they becoming aware? Is the call coming from inside the house?!?

Dusk. They're on the move... toddling off with camera.

OP posts:
Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 19:23

I now need to know what french poo paper smells of.

OP posts:
Puffinsharon · 30/08/2015 19:31

baguettes

Puffinsharon · 30/08/2015 19:31

and spiders

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 19:33

Just to be clear, you want me to smear baguettes on my loo roll and wipe it on the spiders?

worryingly I am 100% up for that.

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Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 20:56

Stripus Bastardus.

Note the elongated front legs, which IN NO WAY ASSIST TRACTION as they keep falling off the ceiling into things that I like. Such as wine. Or my hair. Or my bed.

This is a medium-sized fucker. Approx size of £2 coin including useless legs.

OP posts:
Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 20:57

Stripus Bastardus.

Note the elongated front legs, which IN NO WAY ASSIST TRACTION as they keep falling off the ceiling into things that I like. Such as wine. Or my hair. Or my bed.

This is a medium-sized fucker. Approx size of £2 coin including useless legs.

update. MN says I can't upload anymore images today. So shall wake you all tomorrow with horrible spider pics

OP posts:
Puffinsharon · 30/08/2015 20:58

They are not falling in your wine, they're jumping in it.

The stripey bastards

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 21:11

Oh god puffin. Are they stealing my wine? Because that's the only damned Capital offense in this house.

well. That and improper triangle appreciation.

OP posts:
Puffinsharon · 30/08/2015 21:14

Have you tried wedging loo roll into your wine? Like a disappointing and unlikely Molotov Cocktail

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 30/08/2015 21:26

Puffin I think that only works with vodka buys vodka for science purposes.

OP posts:
Puffinsharon · 30/08/2015 21:29

vodka and science means only one thing.

Brian Cox!

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