to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

Going back to the dog. Do you think he's reading this?

BAG OF GOLD...WE NEED...A BAG OF GOLD. FIND IT! WHO'S A GOOD BOY? YOU ARE!

Thumb do you want me to send you The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady and a Vivaldi CD? You can sit in the fridge & pretend you're in jolly old England. From time to time you can turn the page, take a sip of tea and wistfully exclaim 'ah, a meadow pippit'.

Apparently they do have their uses though - they eat all the other bugs, so they're Charlotte equivalents. TBH, I'd rather have one of those than the cockroaches, mozzies, flies and termites so, y'know, so long as it doesn't crawl on me, I'm "happy". For a strictly limited definition of the word "happy", of course.

You are kind, Bess! I do actually have Vivaldi's 4 seasons, but I could probably do with a BBC CD of British Birdsong or something - we have some lovely colourful birds out here but I don't half miss the robins and blackbirds!

not that I'm suggesting you should send it to me, just realised how that read, sorry!!

I do love our birdy chatter, with the exception of "angry midnight duck" and bullfinches.

Bullfinches are the only bird that can reduce me to near tears. Sitting in bushes going "ARGH!" every second of every day in spring. And once you've heard it you cannot block it out.

I stand, exhausted and deranged, every spring, shouting at the fuckers to be quiet for five bloody minutes. They ignore me.

And they're pink. Nothing that colour should sound like bulldozer farts.

I totally will, if youtube aus won't let you listen to British birdsong.

I shall make my own remix cd for you, with DJ Midnight Shouty duck!

Hahaha - We have different annoying but just as - I give you . This goes through the night as well, quite often about 8 ft from my bedroom window. Gaaah!

Will also send you Debretts then, to hurl out window. It should manage about 8 feet
if you bowl overarm.

I've only been away 24 hours and I've missed so much! A new cat, leaopard print slugs, more horrific insects from your worst nightmares and some hilarious photo shopping!

I dearly love this thread though has anyone else noticed it's getting quite close to the maximum?

please don't start a new thread without telling me, plleeeeeaase

I wandered off for 4 pages to try and find fat Albert and come back to agapimous picture which actually MOVED as I looked at it
Need more sleep and less spiders in my life.

Albertwatch continues
No spiders found but a loooot of dead flies on the windowsill. There's been a massacre going on.

Fat Albert is still missing?

How long do they live for? He might be dead now. You can but hope.

He's lying in wait. He will pounce when you least expect it. Spiders are twats like that.

True. One threw itself at me from the laundry today.

Nothing else really spidery today. I am however happy to announce that the Southern regionals of 'Britain's got Owls' are happening in my garden...

SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL DEBRETTS THE LOT OF YA.

Not you lot. The owls.

The Hooty-hoo'ing wankers.

Why does every feathered fucker round here use my chimney as a megaphone?

Husband is shouting up chimney.

That Koel is REALLY annoying. I take your Koel ThumbWitches and raise you an Aracuã
Tell me you don't want to shoot it!

Actually I totally sympathise with you and having to cope with dangerous creatures but I have a fact about dangerous things in the UK where it trumps Brazil hands down....stinging nettles and blackberries. The nettles in Brazil are completely harmless and blackberries have no thorns this is a welcome break when everything else is trying to disfigure or kill you

A couple of summers ago we went camping in Dorset. DH born and raised here experienced his first stinging nettle sting. He spent the whole time telling the children not to touch the deadly plants. All the kids were like "yeah mate it's a stinging nettle" and the kids kept muttering under their breath "Go AWAY dad you're embarrasing us". Given all the deadly things here I thought that was ironic.

our kids not the kids

That's the kind of animal I like to follow around, mimicking it and then bellowing "how d'ya like THEM apples eh? EH?"

I don't know why I'm worried about fat Albert when the kids are far more destructive and deadly.
Especially snacksizedwonkas bum

For the past week or so DS has had a Charlotte living in his bedroom. Last night he shouted down the stairs "Muuuuum Charlotte is having dinner". Cue the rest of us (including almost 2 year old DD) legging it up the stairs to have a look. She had cocooned (?) her prey and was eating it. I haven't looked to see if she's finished yet. Her dinner was named Frodo.

Bess but...I am an owl
every what a fascinatingly gross sight
wonka fat Albert could have moved out thanks to snacksized not so snacksized stench?

I told you. Fat Albert has packed his bindle & is on his way here.

Yes you are fatty, but you don't shout down my chimney. If you did I would have no hesitation in tossing Debretts at you like a caber...

every did you all sing circle of life?

That's the kind of animal I like to follow around, mimicking it and then bellowing "how d'ya like THEM apples eh? EH?"

I have figured it all out Bess, you are a bird antagoniser.

What do spiders hate most in the world? .....birds.

They are flocking to Casa de Bess en masse because you are worshipped by them, they are on a pilgrimage, some may die but it's a risk they are willing to take. Your house is the Mecca of the spider world. Those little purple things are not poo....THEY ARE OFFERINGS!