to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

The advert at the top of the page is a duck staring at me.

Quack.

I had a Stripus Bastardicus try to dive into my glass a la Bess's wine intruders earlier tonight. Like a little spider bungee, suddenly dangling down right in front of me.

Not cool.

I sympathise with the duck bite pain. I have been bitten by geese as well. Lordy, that stings like a bitch. And not while trying to feed one, either, they just go for you and nip at will, the aggressive buggers.

hudyer - I beg to differ. I did type in Spider vampire though, rather than the other way round, and got this

The Swan Who Ruined Christmas - another chapter in your book, bess!

OMG! I'm so glad I don't live in the UK anymore. I live in South Africa and haven't seen a spider in months. Maybe they all went to England??

Well I've giggled and lurked on this thread a while. It's given me joy and a smugness at all your spider encounters. But ah ha, smugness prevaileth a mighty fall. Not one but 2 gallopy fuckers. One I'm bath, one jn sink. Contemplated grown up response of putting outside and freaked out at last min. Resulted in a horror film esque scene where one tried climbing out while I tried drowning the other, not to mention multiple resurrections. There was only one thing to hand, a child's teapot. It's been violated as a murder weapon. I'm excited now to have a part in the thread but I'd really rather not have more stories!

I've just found a dead Kingfisher. Am slightly worried the spiders are reading this and assassinating any other wildlife that steals their limelight...

Thumbwich
That's exactly the sort of pic I was looking for!
The disappearing/reappearing spider didn't look like that.

Welcome to the thread Cadenza, I was at "contemplated adult response"

That's always the exact moment they decide to charge at me.

Glad to help, Hudyer!

bess - sad re kingfisher. But prolly not spiders. More likely swan? Murderising Christmas-wrecking swan...

THE MUSICAL!

I see things are calming down a bit

Fatty, you cannot post a pic of a bra on a thread I'll see without a warning that it doesn't bloody fit, it gives me the rage!

I survived the decorating of the dining room, although I messed up my cutting in a bit after an unannounced flying critter landed on my hand briefly! There were at least 3 small Charlottes, one of which tried to bungee down and land on my face. I was composed enough to break the rope and let it fall. One has my grudging approval after moving to allow me to paint, waiting for it to dry and then returning to exactly the same spot.

I have no idea what the alien in the picture is, but it has a lower IQ than Charlotte and has therefore been stuck frozen in time until I can work out how to scrape it off without having to repainted the skirting board

What in the hell is that, married?!

I thought for a second it was a slug till I saw all its whiskers. Urgh.

That's the other creature we are forever being invaded by-slugs. Whole families of them squeeze through the tiniest gaps in our kitchen floor after dark. I swear they wait for us to go to bed - I've often returned to the kitchen to get something I've forgotten 2 minutes after retiring for the night and found one making its slimy way across the kitchen.

Did you paint that thing into the skirting?

Do you live in Manchester hudyerwheesht? We did for a while and had a major problem with slugs, as did all the neighbours. I once found DD, 12 months old at the time, eating one off the kitchen floor

We have Leopard-print slugs. because we're fancy.

I have bought a spider catcher. A nine week old kitten. Will let you know if it works.

Is it a silverfish maybe?

Considering gluing a blonde wig to this and naming it Bette...

married that looks like a great big NOPE.

fatty please call the cat Glencoco. Please. For me.

Bess I'm sorry but it is DSs cat (birthday present, for a birthday that isnt until the end of October ) and he is called George

You don't get many of these to the bugle.

You do not lemon. Blimey. I particularly like how you've captured the hairy legs in that shot.

fatty, can you please call it Glencoco, like, when everyone's out. So whenever he catches a spider you can whisper you go, Glencoco.

lemon that is gross. Is it bigger than the one on Steve's head?

I'm trying so hard not to pass on my fear to DS, so I had to stay calm while he was saying "mummy can I cuddle him? I love him! Can he sleep in my room?"

All the time this beast was galloping around all aggressive and bitey probably.
He's a speedy fucker too. Calmly calling to DH while still trying to convey a sense of urgency and avoid the beast.

It was a drama.

I tell my children that the spiders are lost and need to go back outside to find food.

I also tell them that if they return uninvited that is a clear fucking breach of diplomacy and they should be twatted with Debretts.

Manners.

Sod the children. I scream "SPIDERRRRR! And thwack the bastard while yelling " die you fucker". The kids are cool with it