to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

Yes

Wilhamena The worst thing would be to wake up tomorrow with Albert squashed into your pillow, legs akimbo. Not that I've ever had anything like that happen, oh no ...

I had a close encounter whilst unpacking my supermarket shopping recently.

My local tesco has a scan as you shop, so I'd loaded my shopping into my bags as I went round. When I got home, I reached into one bag (one that has a rigid flat base iyswim) to see an ENORMOUS spider running around in the bottom. About 3 inches across (including legs) & v hairy (is that a galloping fucker?)

Anyway, I of course screamed, and ran to the other side of the kitchen. When I had stopped shaking and gibbering I got the hoover, plugged in the nozzle thing, poked it at the bag and switched the power on. There was a most satisfying rattle as the spider vanished, although there was a nervous moment when I thought the suction wouldn't be powerful enough for the bastard enormous thing (sorry, any spider lovers, but I really am far too phobic to do the glass-and-card thing - even if I'd had a glass big enough!)

The worst thing was thinking about how it had probably been in there the whole time I did my shopping - it could have escaped in the car! And crawled on me! Or jumped on my hand and bitten it off in tesco!

bess, I couldn't live in your house. You are a braver women than me.

FFS....

there I was, goofering around on Gumtree, having a random squizz at the Hobbies and Collectibles section before turning in.

and I spy 'tarantula bag' (Glasgow)

I thought - what's that? a bag for collecting up spiders?

and I clicked.

I'd link, but you'd need a bit of a warning first....

Please link Clear, we're intrigued now!

Erm, don't know how to link

will try to put the pic on though?

ssli.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzcwWDYwMA==/z/2FIAAOSw9r1V-dHT/$_86.JPG

OMG, I DID it

DONT CLICK if you don't like big pic of tarantula with hairy knees.

Who the Jeff would want a bag like this?

(apologies to the seller, who clearly doesn't want it either but is only asking a modest £5 for it. someone should buy it and destroy it - or, give it to a spider loving person)

Well after that bloody awful bag , these look like nothing!

UK Spider Article

I used to be scared to use the glass and card trick on the gallopy fucker who nightly paraded down the side of the fire (initially thought it was a mouse) and across the floor - didn't think I could outrun him if things turned nasty and was a bit concerned he'd just fuck off with the glass.

In a moment of madness tried a skoosh of Jif kitchen spray followed by bashing him with a broom. Bad move. I ended up standing, trapped, on a chair as the Jif sent him into turbo mode and my efforts to bash him with the brush ceased abruptly when he ran up the brush shaft towards me and the whole thing had to be jettisoned across the room. What was worse it then went very quiet and the gallopy fucker had gone. Somewhere.

I no longer live in the same county!

at fluffy

I guess if you had a bag with a fuck-off big tarantula photo on the side, fewer people woudl be inclined to nick it, or sit next to you on the train/bus!

the MOST epic spider thread EVAH is no longer in existence thanks to the poster's sheer rudeness in posting it in Chat. This was the "OMG I've just literally twatted a spider to death" - she found a dead one in her knickers when she went to the toilet!

YESSSS! She might have posted it in Chat but it was turned into a Mumsnet Classic so - knock yourselves out! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/a1346161-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh-I-have-LITERALLY-twatted-a-spider-to-death
Sorry, not in knickers, on toilet paper. Close but, y'know, one likes to be accurate!

Off to read twatted thread.

But..... IF I bought that BAG could I whip it out when a gallop fucker appeared?

Are Spiders Scared of Other Spiders Pics???

FFS.
I looked at that thread.
About Twatting a Spider to death.
As funny, so far, as this one, which has been amazing.

But.

DONT click on the link posted by RushofBloodtotheFeet, on 18 Nov at 21.22

as it makes my bag pic look tame.

(it is a tarantula in someones knickers and the image of the cloth stretched over a sodding great lump of spider is really really horrible

I currently have 2 enormous gallopy fuckers trapped in Guantanamo Bath. I know I should put them outside but Im a bit worried they're so hungry now they might leap at me! Ive been having showers and trying to ignore them...

Argh, that Metro link! Why do I keep clicking on links, I can't stop myself.

Btw, this thread is the reason I was discovered talking to a Charlotte the other day. DH found me facing the corner of the room, pointing to another spider (not quite gallop fucker-sized but big enough) and saying "what do you call that? this was not the agreement! Your job is to deal with those!"

He's worried for me.

I'm horrified at fluffy's tale of the spider that went up the broom handle.

metro.co.uk/2015/09/11/theres-a-spider-that-disguises-itself-as-poo-to-attract-its-prey-5385049/

So maybe that spider poo...is actually a spider!! I read the name of this spider as bird-dung crap spider. Apparently - on re-reading it's bird-dung crab spider....I think my name is better

That Metro page has a birrova thing for spideys, doesn't it! Did you see this one as well? metro.co.uk/2015/09/14/enormous-tube-web-spider-found-in-kent-garden-5391175/
There's even video...

Oh and my latest spider story, (Warning this may cause nightmares) I got back late from work and couldn't turn the interior lights of my car off. When I turned to manually switch them off there was a camel spider right next to the light (don't google it if you are pregnant or have a heart condition). I jumped and whacked my head on the roof of the car. Jumped out ran In the dark I scrambled about looking for a stick hammer, opened the sliding door, I have a large family car bus and managed to push the spider into the doorway, then I let the sliding door crush it five times!

Argh! Why did I Google camel spiders?!

OH Fatty, I should have added...or just had a baby and think you are immune!

It's actually a good job I had an automatic sliding door, otherwise the inside of the car may have taken quite a bashing. I don't think "But look on the bright side, at least I killed the spider" would have eased DH's acceptance of it either!

A Whistable Spider?

I grew up in Whitstable

tomato I'm sure your DH would have understood. I would have

Great Scott! I feel I need to point out right now how much I am loving you all, this thread is fekkin hilarious!

Just to go back about 800 pages (someone asked), a discocism involves sitting upon one's Husband whilst playing Metallica at 800 decibels and screaming at him to renounce Boney M and all their works.

In other news, Steve is appropriately chuffed that a new measure of spider horror appears to be "Is it bigger or smaller than the one that landed on Steve's head?".

I have nothing interesting to report today other than have sealed off the crap room with packing tape and am taking an air rifle to bed just in case. Oh, that and the fact that Husband woke me up at 2am by deciding to watch a production of Macbeth in full fucking surround sound featuring far too many bagpipe-related plot drivers. This was bad enough, I then realised that for reasons unclear, the entire house smelled like a Lemon.

Turns out he was looking for something and smashed an entire bottle of Citronella oil, got bored cleaning it up and...somehow...decided that the best way to take his mind off the overpowering smell was a bagpipe-heavy Macbeth session. Because reasons.