Mumsnet Talk

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

<sits in corner rocking>

<pats Honey on the shoulder, whilst offering a medicinal >

Could the spider have been on the toilet roll, rather than in your pants? Even so.. <shudders>

Christ.

You need [brandy] for that. just isn't going to cut it.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Sorry, that's all I have to add.

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Also what TooMany said. Even though I nearly ate one last week.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooiiiiIIeeeeesss

No, I already had the paper in my hand iyswim?

Actually that would be worse, it would mean I'd smeared myself with spider <boak>

Have you counted all the legs on the corpse?

Nooooooooooo! That is truly awful, and I say that as someone who does not mind spiders.

Also, hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh Dragon... I've just nearly laughed this baby out!
Thank you... if you could elaborate and make me laugh some more I could actually have this baby some time this year!

Was it one of those giant mutant spiders? The ones that come armed!?

That gave me the lulz SueP

Well, quite. Imagine feeling a tickle later on...

<wonders off to check pants>

Sue you total fucker, I have just ran upstairs and nearly broke my spine trying to contort myself to look for errant spider legs!!!!!!!!!

I don't mind spiders....till they choose to die in my chuff

ohgodohgodohgod there isn't enough brain bleach in the world for this.

Mwahahahahahaha

Have you popped a conker up there now, to be on the safe side?

Sue

No!

Spikes on or off?

This is a horror film waiting to be made, surely

Off. The shells have no power and are prickly.

One word.

Nest.

You do know the conker thing is a lie don't you?

I'm all itchy and can't stop clenching.

GreenEyesandNiceHam

one word

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This is the best thread title EVER.

Did the cobwebs not give you a clue?

YY. What if Squished Charlotte left her egg sac behind? Lots of little spiderlings, making a run for the light. Some may not make it. Some may go north and no good can come of that.

I don't want spider babies!

oh god what if they pour out my eyeballs?

nooooo, that would never happen.

ears <nods>

Oh dear Honey- you are having a bad day aren't you?

<manly pat on shoulder>

Sue

You truely are an example of why Mumsnet is simply the best place to go for help in your hour of need.

Surely if my lady bits killed Mum they'd kill the babies. It was a quite large one does that make it a boy <hopeful>

LOL that the thread title demonstrates the correct usage of literally.

Silly, girls are always bigger. Think Black Widow.

<polished Happy to Help badge>

Girls are always bigger.

Brings a whole new meaning to 'checking for spiderlegs'

Incey mingey spider climbed up the muff
Down came the wee and washed the spider off

<sticks badge where the sun shineth not>

Nutty, after 24 hours of being vomited on my various family members you'd think the Arachnids of the house would choose another fanjo to perish in

Little Miss Muff
Was wiping her Chuff
With a sheet of Velvet
A giant great spider
Was nesting inside her
So she screamed and tried to kill it.

Oh, I clicked on this in a fury, all ready to point out that you did, in no way literally twat a spider to death.

I stand corrected

My deepest sympathies.

<snort>

Crying at the poetry

You do realise there are scores of MNers now crossing their legs and refusing liquids.

Tomorrow's "Happy To Help" advice - UTIs. Sales of cranberry juice go stratospheric.

Oh my good God <turns pale>

How's your pelvic floor? If you've been keeping up with the exercises, you should be able to expel any lingerers.

Was about to roll up my pedants' sleeves and go on about how people who say "literally" invariably go on to describe something figuratively.

However...hahahahahahahaha.

Just be glad you don't live here in Australia, that's all I can say.

Best thread title, after the one about the woman who told her husband his cock was small and now he wants a divorce.

Blast you, Psammead. You got there first.

It is fitting that the eulogy of the spider should take place on the web.

Oh great not only have I potentially got spiderbabies, I've got a thread title that is attractive to Pedants

<necks >

<am appreciating poetry, glad to see my trauma brings out all the artistes >

You could be a new MN superhero - Spiderfan!

I'm not a pedant! I'm just ped-curious.

I wonder how long it's been there? And was in it your knicks when you put them on this morning?

Spiderfans arch enemy - Dr Mooncup

Psammead I am trying very hard not to consider that question

Fiderer Good point if it happened to me it could happen to ANY Mnetter

Dame I am wearing DrMooncup now, clearly DrMooncup is fucking useless

Little Miss Honey
Sat on the dunny
Enjoying her afternoon pee
On the tissue to wipe her
She saw a dead spider
And wailed 'oh why the fuck me'

Please see my profile. There was an article in the paper recently. You may have given birth to a spider.

Honey at least it stopped it climbing too far - maybe it has a rubber allergy and that's what killed it....

Or was it, you know, inside a while? Scuttling and so forth?

Spider baby. Body of a baby - mind of a spider

Did you hear the pitter-patter-pitter-patter-pitter-patter-pitter-patter of tiny feet at all?

Oh dear god. You do know they come in pairs...

<clenches>

<still sniggering at ped-curios>

<remains clenched>

I am going to have nightmares for WEEKS! <shudder>

Holy Shit

Are you absolutely definitely positive honey?

Could it not have been a clump of pubes or something??

<<clutching at straws>>

Just the funniest thing I've read all day! Really cheered me up!

(gave my pjs a thorough shake before putting them on just now...) <shudders>

Did it have boxing gloves on? Boy spiders wear boxing gloves according to DD1

it was definitely a spider it had eight eyeballs and eight hobnailed boots and had been wedged in my fanj for a as yet unconfirmed time period.

I have had a bath and am happy to report no spider legs or babies surfaced.

but did you check thoroughly?

oh god this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. And I also openes the thread because I wanted to see how anyone could possibly LITERALLY twat a spider to death...

Honeydragon you will never know how much I needed a bit of light relief today. Thank you.

I do hope the bath was enough...

<chortles emoticon>

Honeydragon - This is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone anywhere ever.

This is worse than the half naked running hobnob lady and has replaced that to become my new biggest-fear-that-isn't-likely-to-happen-to-me-but-still-scares-the-bejesus-out-of-me-just-in-case-it-does.

How is it possible that you are not still in the shower, screaming with horror and drinking a large amount of gin to help you forget?

OMG that's horrible, you poor thing. I remember when I rolled over in bed and squished a spider with my naked shoulder. Didn't find out til morning and caught sight of it in the mirror. Didn't scream, but did move the bedroom around and haven't slept next to an open window since!

Can't get past Sue's conker comment, am crying with laughter and only came on the thread to tut at your use of "literally" (a bug bear of mine, although I think you have more of a bug bear, literally) or is that bug beaver?

I think the bath helped

I am wearing my tightest knickers now though and may possibly seal the edges with glue

<clenches>

<passes duct tape>
<superglue>
<bloomers with extra-strong elastic>
<sleeping bag with reinforced zip>
<hermetically-sealed flotation tank, emptied of water and filled with gin>

Oh god, I can't breathe.. this is THE funniest thing I have ever read. FACT.

BUT - I will now forever check the entire bathroom for the Fucking Bastard Arachnids every time I wee.

Maybe the spider was dwelling in the crapper and came up to bite meet you?

this makes me feel better about the spider that got squashed by my baps.

It clearly thought it had found a delightful haven in my brassiere but ended up looking like it had been steamrollered.

Dh has just read this and asked:

Was it a funnel spider?

Was it after the flies?

Would anyone like to hear about the frog I found on the rim of my loo one day?

So little miss muffit
Taped up her gusset
( a good idea)

I would just go with sleeping in a full wetsuit if I were you... <<shudder>>

HopeEternal - I want to hear about it.

Has it erm, been a while HD? I am rofling at your Miss Haversham chuff.

You should have signed up to a casual sex website to blow away the cobwebs, and this never would have happened.

um. maybe it was a chap spider.

who has now impregnated you

and in 9 months you will feel the urge to create a nest and lay about 40, 000 eggs which will then hatch out into 40,000 babies who you will have to try to breastfeed and imagine the nappies and pottytraining and imagine having that many mutant huma/spider hybrid teenagers?

oh i can't wait for those threads.

Maybe the spider you, urm, "encountered" was a baby. Maybe mummy is still inside nurturing the other babies. Sorry, very unhelpful but just had to be said .

Funnel spider <massive snort>

Atyourcervix

Point 1) You can deliver them all

Point 2) Don't you get spiders in barns?

Point 3) Clenches

or maybe it was a baby and you squashed it like a panda.

but never mind because over the course of tonight you will birth another 30.999 of them

There is a piglet in tears about to go to the slaughter thanks to your fanjo.

'No-one was with her, when she died'.

AAAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!!

I do not have the spider Waltons living up my chuff!!!!!

<listens>

<hears tiny voices>

g'night ma

g'night john boy

<oh fuck>

ok, just sent dh upstairs to check each roll of loo roll in the bathroom, i shall be checking my knicker draw later....

So to clarify, do you think, possibly, that you have been harbouring said fugitive spider throughout the day today....you have been having conversations with folk, and doing stuff with a family of spiders clinging to your undercarriage?

oh god Honey that is my worst nightmare.

This is the image I have in my head

I never should have looked at this thread. Not only am I so tightly clenched now that I'm unlikely to ever have sex again but I'm also embarassed over the number of times I've used 'literally' inappropriately.

Good job I bought the Christmas cake brandy tonight.

gigglepin

I have an entire sick family whom I have been running around after it has been a long time between wees, it was there a while

Arrgh why did I open that link <reclenches tighter>

Oh I so needed this laugh, thanks girls.

And...

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Are you sure you put the right pants on this morning?

LOLSpiders? LOLSpiders? Who in the hell thought up LOLSpiders? There's nothing LOL about spiders.

IKKSpiders, yes. AAAAAAAHHHSpiders, yes. OhMyGodSomebodyKillItNow with their foof Spiders yes. LOLSpiders, big fat NO.

Good old Mumsnet eh...

one womans torment is anothers comedy gold

My phone takes ages to load threads, so here I was composing snotty replies in my head re correct use of literally...

...now am cowering under the covers clenching....serves me right!

I am literally horrified by this event.

And surely this is quote of the week, from Honeydragon:

"I don't mind spiders....till they choose to die in my chuff"

Oh this thread has had me crying with laughter (literally)

Freaky! Just seen a spider in kitchen

Honeydragon would you come and sit on it for me?

I am not rentafoof!

I found a spider in my pubes once. Was just about to get in the bath and felt something tickle...reached down and there he/she was. It scuttled off fairly happily, so I can only conclude that my fanjo is a reasonably habital environment.

<realises that may not be a good thing>
<wonders why she chose this topic to de-lurk>

I once found a woodlouse up my nightie. It fell out when I got out of bed

These insects must be perverts!!!

Maybe it was an adventure junkie spider, and had gone in there to do a bit of spelunking! We all know what happens to cavers, when there is an unexpected flood!

Love the green eggs poem ... And all the thread. Agree the quote should be quote of the week.

Was it a spider
Sat down beside her
Perched on the rim of the loo?
Or was it a nicker dweller
An ingenious young feller
Scaring the chuff out of you?

PieceOfTheMoon

If that is your first ever Mnet post, can I say welcome and for gods sake keep posting. That was hilarious

It scuttled off fairly happily, so I can only conclude that my fanjo is a reasonably habital environment. ROFL

I nearly gave a spider death by fanjo a couple of weeks ago, it was sitting on the loose end of the loo paper and I saw it in the nick of time just before it met a sticky end. Lucky beggar.

You fucking bastard, I'm scared as a mouse
I don’t need your web or your shite in my house
Please do fuck off now, I’m trying to be nice
If you don’t I will kill you will fire and with ice.

gah, i used to be good at poetry that was SHITE

Makes you wonder how many spiders have died in name of non-drippy foofs the world over ...

Maybe we all have spiders (or woodlice) down there?

They just hide really well, until old, tired and about to die.

<twilight zone music>

All the poems on this thread have been particularly good I think

"hide really well"

<goes off to look with a fine-tooth comb and a bright light>

Cunting
spiders do...
fuck off.
Now.

(see. better?)

Oh, a spider haiku

No, that was very
crap. A proper spider one

would be much better

PLEASE tell me someone has nominated this for Classics?

"Cunting spiders" ROFL

I've always worn pants
to cover my nethers in
case spiders get in.

Jareth is on a roll

My fluff will wither
with introduction of the
fucking arachnids

Argh Argh Argh Argh Argh
Argh Argh Argh Argh Argh Argh Argh
Argh Argh Argh Argh Argh

Last ones brilliant

although I don't like the idea of a withered fluff

What with the cobwebs
Spiders will be very much at home
In me. Sadly.

It was meant to be FOOF.

(brain melting)

Oh, I've had a show
I'm due on the twenty-first
It's fucking SPIDERS!

Fucking spiders, cock
off. Don't come back until you
invent timemachines

Jareth = has gone batshit.

Fucks sake! now I'm not going sleep at all, how the hell did it get in your pants?

Thanks Honeydragon . Unfortunately I think this is the only interesting / amusing thing that has ever happened to me. I was on a course with work a few weeks ago and had to do the classic 'say something interesting about yourself' icebreaker. This was the only thing I could think of. (Thankfully I was saved by a miraculously timed fire alarm.)

BEST
THREAD
EVER

Thank you honey dragon to you and your spider-nurturing chuff.
Thank you
I am crying

POTM welcome.
Come in, pull up a pombear, adjust your moon cup, you are going to fit right in!

<checks knickers>

<phew>

<Doesn't point out to Frigg that it may already be up there>

Good grief Honey

This is why I wear
pants in bed, lest arachnids
set up camp in chuff

.

WTF ? , no really WTf ?

Never heard of fanny loving spiders before .

Are you sure it's not a mutant crab ? I'd slap some derbac on just in case (well it's an insecticide , it would kill off any leftover spiders ).

Better to make sure mr spider didn't bring along a friend for a threesome !

Clicked onto thread and pc shut down - why didn't I pay heed to its kindly warning???
Honeydragon you have my sympathies. I have actually just got out of bed and gone to check bathroom and my fanjo.
<note to self - keep nit comb in bathroom/on person at all times>

Hang on - that sounds like I have a removable fanny!

> <

It's mention to be a spider (fail )

MNHQ we need a spider emoticon .

Mutant Crab

If that was a chemically altered Muff Crab than I need to change toilet cleaners!

And for the sake of my reputation my foof is regularly used for recreational pleasure and is not some random webby spider den, nor do I have mutant lice/crabs or tiny eight legged aliens.

Twas a bastard spider.

|| ||
o0
|| ||

That's not a spider

Thanks for the welcome Norks .

Crying with laughter at this thread.

Going to bed now, double pants, both pairs thoroughly checked for creepies

/\00/\

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGG

_ _
****__
_* *_
_* *_

Bollocks, it moved!

Maybe this is the real reason for the current fashion for bald fannies?! It's actually to prevent a host of fauna lurking in the bush es!

Anyway, I dunno about spiders, there could be a tribe of pygmys living in mine, it's roomy enough!

Maybe it's just a new species of spider ?

Can someone call David Attenburgh and let him know ...honey you could be famous as the discoverer of the muff spider .

Saggy I think your on to something there .

Suppose vajassles were invented to scare the critters away ?

Either that or they act as mirrorballs and the only benefit of defuzzing as catching the little buggers quicker as they vogue on your vulva?

Vogue on your vulva ?

Are spiders having a in your pants ? ... Get some spanks , the little critters will never be able to march up that amount of Lycra .

Oh sweet baby jeyzoo that is HORRIFIC!!!

Am glad I shaved my fanjo by mistake last week now <scratches regrowth>

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhhh. <<Checks chuff>>. Nope, arachnid free. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccckckkkkkkkk. I am NEVER going to sleep again. Fanjo spiders. This is worse than when DD had one in her knickers that she was putting on and only found out when she had pulled them past her knees. I am assuming your fanjo spider was related to the one trying to climb up hers! I thought it was a once ever thing to find one in her knicks - obviously fucking not.

<<Shudders>>

<<Cross stitches fanjo to prevent squatting spiders>>

Oh dear...lamoooooo

you know spiders prefer a shaved fanjo...<cackles>

if there is one up there now, it is about to get drowned, all this laughing. and now I am too frightened to go!

<contemplates weeing in childrens potty to avoid the bathroom>

Nearest I got to a muff spider was when dh picked up his jeans from the floor (casually dumped there pre quickie) ,and inserted a leg in.
I swear he jumped about 6 feet and used every swear word known to man without drawing breath ...was something like fuckityjesusbastardincuntingcockbollocks .

Guess what crawled out the leg of his jeans ?

A tiny spider . Must have been 1 cm at most .

aghhhhh mumscenter! What can I do?

<frantically considers glueing false eyelashes on to minge to form a rudimentary merkin>

do you have a copy of aliens love underpants go your house? If you do then bin it, its clearly giving the spiders ideas!

SPIDERS CAN READ?

I've killed a sentient being with my foof???? <feels guilty>

<still clenched>

Floydie I have to ask - how did you shave your fanjo by mistake <boggles>

Yes good point
how does one shave ones fanjo in error

at least when I did mine and regretted it, it was because Getorf made me I meant to.

I went to trim it (after DP was taking the piss out of me saying it was a grufflo) and forgot to put the comb attachment on....

<bzzzzzzzz> ...... oh SHIT! Bald wonky line down the centre. So had to do the rest to make it look less mental

I'm not laughing at you much

I am...

I thought that, I've been trying to imagine how the razor may of run out of control and shot up your leg mowing down everything in it's path

I am so cross. Didn't feel very well yesterday evening and was MNing to take my mind off it and my stupid pedant alarm meant that meant that I kept skipping over this thread because of the title.

Return today feeling slightly better and thought "I wonder if she did actually" and you did. And I could have spent the evening pissing myself at your expense while DH snored on the sofa.

(instead of spending the evening throwing every toddler toy I could reach at him instead)

Hope it's not like Charlotte and leaves three of its babies behind to keep you company......

<weeps with laughter>

I love this thread. Honey, have you unclenched yet?

No

I was telling MiL about this incident today, she has informed me it has done wonders for her pelvic floor everytime she replays it in her head.

Dh and I are both crying with laughter here. That is soooo much worse than when a spider ran up my face during the Harvest Festival service, when I was in the church choir, and I batted it off and then had ^no idea where it was!!^

Rushofbloodtothefeet - dh wanted to know about accidental foof-shaving too.

This thread must go in classics.

I like to think it was like Charlotte. Praps it spun a lovely word web up there, to describe the finer points of your <ahem> passage, Honey?
ROOMY perhaps, or SOME CHUFF.

recent view of my cervix for for Sues benefit

Perfect normal up there thankyou!

lovely and pink

And I thought i had it bad with my accidental spider blow job. I was driving along and wound the window down a bit. A massive spider carrabinered down in front of my mouth and I spent quite some hundreds of yards silently screaming and blowing at it to keep it off my face until I stopped and begged a passer by to open the car door and remove it from in front of me. Whilst blowing.whilst stopping at waist level of passers by. Fortunately a nice lady with a pram took pity on me.

You need one of these. I had wondered why they needed to be so phallic-shaped, but now I know .

Hahaha! I love the 'spider blow-job' image

Glad I could clarify <still scratchy>

Did you find any errant legs Honey?

My mum once found a HUGE huntsman spider lurking in my Dad's y-fronts, as they were hanging on the washing line.
Disclaimer: we were living in Australia at the time
Although if you're squeamish about bugs don't live in Oz <shudder> <remembers cockroaches in the cutlery>
I LOVE this thread, have giggled all the way through

I think I actually strained my pelviv floor at the idea of killer foof spiders

I am NOT going to Australia!

though painfully arachnophobic am now laughing hysterically into sleeve in effort not to wake up baby sleeping on me

Honey have you invested in a mooncup? Would stop any stragglers adventuring too far north.

Also someone should pitch this to beauty salons as a new type of vajazzle (or whatever the hell it is).

I was with Mooncup at the time, you have just made me VERY glad I was wearing it!

><

Is this what a spider blow job looks like floydie?

Ooh, hello classics!

Hahaha! Good one Skinnymuffin .... Did you get a look in the mirror whilst sucking off attempting to lose the spider Brambleschooks?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! not classics now my spider foof shame will live on forever

<starts considering new names>

<arf at skinny>

bloody love this. I am particularly enjoying the 'David Attenborough' image.

Welcome to this week's Life In The Undergrowth...

Oh oh oh oh - I think I've just sprained my stomach muscles from laughing so hard! Can't believe I didn't click on this earlier, honey you loon!

Boris the Huntsman reappeared in my living room last night, while I was sitting there - and appears to have made his escape back out of the air con unit. Or he's just sitting in the box outside, waiting to return when I least expect it...

See this is why bald fannies are a bad idea. Doesn't everyone realise that the purpose of jungle pubes are primarily as spider catchers? Bet you're regretting that Brazilian now honeydragon aren't you?

that would have killed me. fucking hell!!

After I read your OP I literally ran into the bathroom and shucked my pants to triple check. And now I keep feeling a phantom crawling Down There.

<boak>

What's the bet that somewhere in the world there is a spider fanjo fetishist who is wishing he was your special friend, Honey?

'I don't mind spiders....till they choose to die in my chuff'

That has to be the quote of the week. No, hang on - the year.

'I'm not a pedant! I'm just ped-curious.'

Oh, this thread gets better.

Haha no, apart from observing traffic I didn't look in the mirror, I'm not spider blow self dogging you know. It was like something out of 'gladiators' as it was swinging in front of. My face with the motion of the car and going up and down on the silk as I tried to avoid it. People watching me must have thought I was dancing to disco that I didn't like.

I am wondering what place the vajazzle might have in all of this? Would it anchor the spider? Would it attract it in with the thoughts of glamour?

DS is watching some crap program on tv and they're singing a song with the words 'Get up and dance, like you have ants in your pants...'
Just set me off giggling, thought I'd come and check on the spider situation

Have you not had a baby yet?

<ducks to avoid been hit with baseball bat>

Brambles - if you had rhinestoney vajazzling, the spider might thing it was another spider's eyes and try to mate...

Thumb makes an excellent point. It could also attract magpies

Or, take the story of the Old Woman who Swallowed a Fly as a cautionary tale. What if your spider was catching the fly? Next you'll have a rummage and find a cat, a dog, a cow, a horse and all sorts up there.

Oi Sue who are you calling old? <narrows eyes>

Yes, cos that's the big issue. Not the fecking farmyard up your chuff .

oh shit there's a cow at the front door?

Oh about that now a cow.

Should I let it in the house?

You really don't want to be swallowing flies. Don't go onto youtube and search Botfly Removal. Especially don't search Mangofly Removal Dog. Just don't.

No I bloody haven't! Now make me laugh some more!

<I'm now a fully fledged cantankerous moody bitch>

DH has just walked in the living room, saw that I'm on MN and asked if there's any update on the spider situation!

And if you do, just let it be a warning to to you if you are ever thinking of ingesting or twatting any form of arachnid or exotic insect.

Hooray - this is in Classics - and I am going to take credit for that (sorry Honey because I reported the OP to MNHQ and begged for it to go in Classics.

Am now off to youtube to look at botflies and mangoflies!

So I have you to blame ?

Honeydragon do you know what kind of spider it was ?

Just curious ,purely for educational purposes you understand ? .

I need to know what type of spider it was , so to avoid that particular spider in future .

I still think spanx are the best way to avoid vaginaspideritis .

Honey dragon, I understand that the customs men need to come over and take a look to ensure that it wasn't one of those dangerous ones that come in on banana boats. They may need to perform a pat down, if you see what I mean.

<clenches>

<bolts doors>

Ha! I will have to show this thread to my mum who always scoffed at me when I said I was worried about spiders crawling 'up there' while I was asleep.

This is like the time I put my pajama bottoms on as a child and a hornet was in them!

Stung me and flew off, bugger had made a nest in them when they were on the washing line.

I'm sorry, Honeydragon.

Better hope that Mummy doesn't come looking for her poor squashed baby...

STDG

Don't give me your face it makes me feel guilty for ing you and then I might unclench!

Besides this is a good thing...if people remember me for my spider foof they might forget the whole immacing the babies head incident

NinthWave - OMFG! That photo is the stuff of nightmares

Why did I click.. why?

<rocks slowly>

Now you've made me do it too

<cowers behind Jareth>

Why the octual web did I have a real life on friday and miss this thread?

Honeyd you are a Legendx8.

Hahaha - that photo is a killer!

Someone here told me that they had a spider make a nest in the air conditioning unit - when they switched the air conditioning on next time, all the baby spiders were blown into their living room! I hope Boris doesn't turn out to be a female...

Thankyou for livening up a dull Monday afternoon!

As a confirmed arachnophobe I am now getting odd raised eyebrow looks from every

..one as I squirm around on my seat hoping that my pants are spiderless.

Unfortunately the thread I read prior to this one was the nit thread in AIBU so I am scratching my head a lot as well.

Have to ask though - immac? On a baby's head? Why?

(apologies for split post, never really got the hang of iPhone posting)

Ha, I can answer that one for honey - t'was an accident. She was immac'ing herself in the bath/shower and the baby was on the bathroom floor - a blob flew over and landed on baby's head. Sounds funnier her way though

Oh was that you with the immac Honey? I'd heard the legend but didn't know who'd done it

Never mind spiderbabies, I think you need to watch out for the spider returning as a ghostly apparition to the scene of its demise! The ghost of Banquo springs to mind. You could make a fortune from 'Most Haunted - Minge Edition'. Can just imagine Yvette Fielding and Derek Acorah with torches.

Be the closet ol' Derek has been to a foof in many a long year since birth

Pmsl@ sue

Highly deadly black Tarantula...
(Daylight come when you pull your pants down)

Eeeeeek just seen that huntsman photo... I'd forgotten how hideous they are. <shudder>
mind you, if my dad did get one in his pants, it might have served him right. He kept a spider in a jar in the kitchen for ages, feeding it flies, to see if anyone knew if it was a funnel web spider.... Then he let it go, so it probably went and told its big bully spidey mate to teach dad a lesson

And to continue from where aubergine left off...
Come miss honey dragon
Tally me banana
Daylight come when you pull your pants down,
6 legs,
7 legs,
8 legs,
Foof!
Spider in my pants and I wanna go home

There was a mumsnetter who sat on a spider,
That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her,
She sat on the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she sat on the fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

Frigg pointed me in your direction. I apologise for laughing at what must have been a horrific incident, but this thread and the comments have had me laughing out loud!! I now need to explain to DH why!

I hope Boris was a boy - I wonder how you could assertion the gender of the average household spider?

Tiggy, either way Sue has decided I'm having spider babies!

Currently I am checking under the bed to see if Derek's there with a torch waiting for spider ghosts <gulp>

Well just be careful that Derek doesn't meet the same fate - imagine the headlines...

Incy Wincy spider scuttled across the floor.
Ran up Honey's leggy, looking for the door.
Saw a big dark tunnel long and dark and wide
Went in, laid an egg, was sat on and died.

All the little babies hatched out the next week.
Crept down her PJs while Honey was asleep.
Explored her armpits, was a bit hot there.
So snuggled up safely in her bushy hair.

Not only in classics - but in the Talk Roundup too. Now there's famous!

Someone just linked me this thread - how did I miss it?! It is genius. And the only good argument for hairless bits I have ever heard.