to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

I think the spider poo must come from the charlottes. Because where else are they storing the spiders they are eating?

We found out a fun fact whilst spider clearing. Charlottes shit on the ceiling.

Swan currently fine, there appears to be some kind of epic, Armada style battle occuring on the lake today. He may just be knackered. I sent the cat as envoy and he gave her a good telling off so now we're just sitting here. Glaring at each other.

The ceiling above a kitchen-Charlotte. It's like a tiny shart.

Dirty critters! Spiders really like to poo in your house, don't they?! Maybe they do in mine too and I've never noticed. I had a similar-looking pile of small, dark green stuff constantly gathering on my window sill which I though might have been spider poo even though I hadn't seen any spiders. Then I realised it coming from my parsley plant and, on closer inspection, found a caterpillar munching happily on the parsley. I was busy marvelling at this when a big drop of the aforementioned green poo dropped out of its back end.

Btw, your garden looks lovely.

I have ordered a Moomin Go-Round.

Can we have a Mumsnet meet-up at Bess's house?

buy some bananas, put them in a Waitrose bag - job done!

Insect poo is called frass.
Interesting fact for the day.

Frass eh?

This thread is like a David Attenborough, Steve Irwin, Bear Gryls documentary in one...so much information, action and sheer thrill of survival.

That is interesting demented - but does it cover spider poo as well, as they're not insects but arachnids?

HAs the swan buggered off yet?

The swan has left. Probably. It's a big garden.

At the gym we were all discussing spiders, and my fearless trainer (who is approximately the size and shape of a portcullis) regaled me with his close encounter:

Having answered the call of nature late at night, he was a bit bored whilst having a wee & decided to spin the loo roll on its holder, lo and behold he was greeted by
an Isembard of giangtic proportions (possibly shouting 'wheeeee' as it whirled) so he did the only sensible thing a sixteen stone, thirty one year old man can do in this situation. Bellowed for his Dad at the top of his lungs until he came to rescue him.
Dad being quite used to this kind of behaviour simply asked him if he was just going to stand there waving his willy at it.

Then one of the other gym ladies chimed in to say she had an Isembard so large in her room that she could hear the footsteps as it walked up a carrier bag. Being quite brave she picked up said bag and hurled it out the window.

We are not alone ladies & gentlemen. They are coming for us all.

I think I might email the Moomin go-round lady & ask for commission!

OR FREE MOOMIN GO-ROUNDS FOR LIFE.

And Wendy you're all very welcome but don't blame me if you get blinded by a kingsfisher or beaten up by marauding Cormorants.

I appreciate that I am now talking to myself, however I've reached the stage where I have to evict some of the insanity of country living from my brainpan.

After reading about Frass, The Boy and I went off to the Dinosaur Garden (yes, really, pictured) to take a picture of caterpillar poo for comparison purposes.

Dinosaur garden.

We found no frass, but did find this clearly dead toad in need. The Boy insisted we move it to the lake, to make it better you see...

...where we were greeted by the swan. Who is standing ankle-deep and hissing at me like a Velociraptor.

Standing there holding a dessicated very poorly toad, and with the respect of my six year old on the line, I had a full-on row with a swan. Neither of us was budging, and having been beaten by a swan in the past (no, they can't break your arm. Yes, it is still a deeply unpleasant experience. ) I ended up shouting "RAAAAAAARGH" whilst attempting to appear larger by waving one arm above my head & rinsing out a toad made of jerky into the lake.

This kind of shit is why I need a lifetime supply of calming Moomin go-rounds.

Forgive me, I haven't red the whole thread but as a PROFOUNDY arachnaphobic person (to the extent where I even struggle to see the combination of letters that spells the word!) I dread this time of year, I even imagine movement across the carpet, am constantly tense and dream all the time waking myself up and DH.
Is there an effective house treatment, ie a professional job...has anyone had any experience of this? I would pay quite a bit if I thought it would make a difference.
PLEASE...if anyone has advice about this (not interested in Peppermint oil.conkers..etc..) I would be so grateful.

Fire. You need fire.

Or a professional exterminator. Which we can't have! Because half of our house is occupied with very rare bats and is ergo untentable.

By the way RTFT. Avoid pics.

I have been lurking on this thread for a couple of days now - no pun intended! - but just can't restrain myself anymore from saying how much I've enjoyed it (even while being completely creeped out) and how funny I've found so many of the posts. Although I should not look at spider photos or read some of these stories so close to bedtime.

Bess, you are killing me. From Barrachute, to the eviction, to your trainer the size and shape of a portcullis .

Thumb, yes, I also want to visit Bess's house. We could have a MN meet up there. Bess, I'll bring wine, cheese, and a cat that will merrily dispense of all your spiders .

This thread has reminded me of a couple more spider related anecdotes. Remember a few years back, there was a FB status generator app? I think it basically took random words from previous statuses and mashed together to form a random status. Mine (and it stuck in my head for the randomness) was 'death by suicide or spider attack'. Really? Really, they are my only options?

Then there was the night that I slew a spidey with a toasted sandwich. DP was gigging, I went and got myself a lovely chicken and cheese toastie for dinner in a nearby cafe. Got home, settled in with a glass of wine, and was preparing to unwrap my sandwich when a great big hulking monster scuttled right up to me. I screamed and fucked my sandwich on to it (this cafe makes hefty sandwiches, it weighed a freaking ton). Then promptly fled to the other sitting room. DP was most perplexed to arrive home at 3am and find a toasted sandwich sitting in the middle of the sitting room floor. Then he lifted it up to find squashed spider parts underneath it. Oops .

Thought I'd show you my Charlotte(?)- please correct me if I'm wrong. She's been hanging in the corner of the upstairs landing like a cheap chandelier for the last few days.
I was hoping that she'd get the hint and leave but she may feel welcome now- DGS (nearly 2) stayed last night and insisted on saying 'hello spidey' and waving at her so she probably thinks she's special...

Like a cheap chandelier..... Love it!

Death by sandwich. That's how I want to go.

Why thank you norton, I'm glad we're all giving each other a good laugh, in this most trying of seasons.

married that's a lovely Charlotte-chandelier you have there. Stick a rhinestone on her & you're all set for Christmas!

I don't even care if anyone's reading this anymore. One spider has just tried to kill me (car-related) and one has just brought me immense luck.

I shall write these tales once have finished violently jetwashing the car...