to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

Yy to this being like a horror film you want to switch off but just can't!

Hilarious thread - not the spiders but the way you write about them.

OMG! Dd and I just watched Thumbs video and Dd screamed and I jumped despite both of us watching it several times before!!!

This is the time of year I tend to scan the floors, walls, and ceilings as I walk through the house. If I can save myself the heart attack of sitting down and seeing one next to me by doing a quick room scan first, then all's good.

They do poo bigred. They poo on EVERYTHING I OWN AND PROBABLY IN MY MOUTH WHEN IM SLEEPING.

Oh God nooo...I think spider poo in your mouth is somehow worse than an actual spider. It's like they're taunting and disrespecting you. Little shits!

Bigred, they do quite large poops.

Wonky, I daren't even look at any wonky coving at ours, I imagine it to just be like a spider highway.

Got out of shower to find one (a smol one so not a problem) sitting on my tampon packet. They're doing this on purpose now...

Right. Am going to try Isembarding again.

Cockbollock, wrap your phone in bubble wrap...

Please work...

YAS! Ladies & Gentleman, I present to you Isembard. Trying to get into my bed

Oh yes, he's a beauty isn't he?

He's a good one. I think isembard is related to Brian who is currently occupying the corner under our TV table.

I'm leaving Thumbwitch. They can have the damned house. All the wildlife has gone insane, there's a woodpigeon shouting down the chimney and this fucker somewhere in the bathroom.

I present for identification porpoises: Stripus Bastadicus. The bitey ones.

Would Brian like a flatmate?

I'm particularly annoyed with Isembard. I had convinced myself that Insane Hobo Clown Posse spiders (that's their Latin name) are supposed to live on the floor. They are floor spiders.

How dare they have evolved to climb up the walls! The whole point of floor spiders is so you have a fair chance of:
a. Jumping on them
b. Throwing the cat in their general direction.
c. Lassoing one and riding it down the High Street.

I am annoyed and I wish to complain to the Spider High Commisioner in the strongest possible terms about this rule-change.

Can't see it clearly enough to ID it, sorry!

Wood pigeons shouting down the chimney is a large part of my childhood. All my spiders are called Boris.
I won't post the pic of my Huntsman spider, it tends to upset people

Why do they do that? Do they like the amplification? Are they warning us about the spiders? Or are they JUST TRYING TO GET ON MY WICK?

Here are my scientifically labelled drawings of Stripus Bastardicus so any experts can help me identify them. But I only had a black pen so you have to imagine the stripes.

And in some cases the legs...

NOT AGAIN!

.

Is a spider klaxon a SPLAXON?

I like the fact splaxon resembles splat!

Blumin eck!! Isemburg is big and near where you sleep.....I know you've named the little darling but it could've been isemburg who dished out the bite!!!!!

HOOVER THEM ALL UP before they multiply!!!!! Those sticky pink nests come off quite well if you use the pointy bit of your Hoover nozzle to scrape backwards and forwards...bit like scraping wallpaper.

SOUND THE SPLAXON!

Am going to attempt to load my drawings again...

Bess got to say a big THANK YOU....in fear that spiders might crawl in....I gardened and lawnmowed the back garden within an inch of its life....had been avoiding because of spiders.

I'm having a cuppa and taking the Hoover into the cellar...I've counted 4 and knowing more about the particular species down there.....they bite and its meant to hurt like having a deep injection!!! They got to go!!! The washer and dryers down there.

Yay! Someone must be able to ID them from these. FOR SCIENCE!

My pleasure Wheely. My spider eviction has been derailed by DH who, having fallen asleep on the floor (not uncommon, he's a bimodal sleeper and naps like a cat) woke up to find brown goo all over the carpet.

Having established that he hadn't pooed himself, he then realised he'd fallen asleep on a piece of chocolate...

So am now shampooing the carpet (he removes the spiders from the bedroom, so seems only fair to help him out).