Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

[MmeLindor]

Reading this this blog today and thinking that I would have included Donna Moss.

Donna could have done with realising that she was more than just a secretary, or admin assistant. By the end of Season 7, she'd escaped Josh's office and snagged herself a fab job, but wish it hadn't taken so long! Typical scene - in the CJ interview, where she says 'oh, but what do I know', I wanted to give her a good shake.

Who would you include?

Rink

Titania. You slept with a donkey but Oberon doesn't need the boy.

The washer woman in the far away tree.

Just stop it with the dirty water day and night. It's not big and it's not clever. Some day, you'll really hurt someone.

Oh, and poor old Shrek, who needs someone to give him a hug, and tell him that he is lovely and sweet and kind.

I opened this thread to say Cathy Earnshaw and Angel Clare but they ve already been said!
The girl played by Jenby Agutter in the film walkabout. Don t marry him!

To all the March girls, enjoy yourselves and stop listening to Marmee making you feel bad about going to parties and wanting to eat your own Christmas dinner.

Toad.

You're lucky you've still got any friends left. the way you steal, cheat, lie and drive like a loon is outrageous. I can't believe badger, ratty, mole helped you to get toad hall back. Id like to see you rot in jail.

Jo March/Bhaer for goodness sake why didn't you marry Laurie you chump! You would have both been so blissfully happy and you could have carried on writing without worrying about money and had loads of gorgeous children running about that big house.

Instead you indulged your saviour complex and married a boring old man, leaving poor old heartbroken Laurie to get himself lumbered with selfish, simpering Amy who will make him miserable forever.

(Slightly over invested in this)

Javert. Seriously mate, just get over it. Get a hobby or a girlfriend or something. Nobody likes a jobsworth.

Jo March - get your arse over to the hot, young rich Laurie.

I came on to say Mrs Bennet too, and Lydia. Actually, there are quite a few Austen characters who could do with having a word with themselves.

Agree about Javert too.

Romeo. Juliet. You need to make a contingency plan.

Joey Maynard: No you're not just a school girl at heart. You're one of those rather embarrassing mums whose children cringe and school friends laugh about.

Agree totally about Amy March.

Susan Walker in Swallows and Amazon. Stop making everyone give way to the "baby" (first Roger and then Bridget) Roger is only a year older than Titty, but she's expected to look after him and give way to him; if Bridget is not wanting to join in with you older ones don't say none of you can do it because it's her bedtime. Pack her off to bed and then do it., or tell her not to be so silly

And Jonathan Warrender: Penny doesn't really fancy you. She just hasn't got a lot of choice of men having come from an all girls' school, and the other Lone Pine men of the right age are attached. She is possessive of you, but happy to flirt with any boy that comes near. She only gives up on David when she's sure he won't jilt Petronella. As soon as she finds someone more exciting than you (and that won't be hard, let's be honest)she'll be off. Although you can take some comfort that she'll probably jilt them when she's bored of them too.
But be careful, she'll be trying to see off any rivals you bring home too, so make sure you don't introduce any potential girls friends too soon.

What's wrong with poor old garnie?

Patrick Merrick - surely you can see that Ginty is charming and beautiful but shallow as a puddle.

Gatsby - Daisy Buncanan is a horrid horrid person - you've chased the dream and found her, now walk away. she's not worth it

Another twilight one...

Edward, you stalker!

Cremebrulee - never a truer word was spoken.
Severus Snape - you could have been a bit nicer, without giving the game away. Miserable git.
Inspector Morse: if you're so clever, then there really is no need to be so patronising or tedious
DI Richard Poole: why didn't you get together with Camille when you had the chance, you know you both wanted to? Life really was too short.

The big sister in Harry and his Bucket Full of Dinosaurs: 'Why be so spiteful ffs? He's your little brother for crissake!'

Rooster Have you read Spring term?

Whatshisname in The Kite Runner. Get over yourself, you selfish, self-obsessed, arrogant tosser. It's not all about you.

The woman in The Bookseller of Kabul. FFS woman, these people who have NOTHING are kind and generous, and you are leeching off what little they have. Do some shopping, buy them some food or fuel, stop taking their meagre supplies AND THEN WRITING ABOUT WHAT LITTLE THEY HAVE. Parasite.

I have Deewe but I don't think I count it as real Forest.
Although hopefully she would have given Ginty her comeuppance

Oh and Susan Hill's Simon Seraillier in book two. Stop the bloody mooning about, you didn't want her before, you don't get to be all "I'm so upset and sensitive" now.

Place marking, I love this thread already!

Faraway Tree washerwoman

Nick in Gone Girl. I don't want to spoil it so I'll just say I'm unhappy with the ending and leave it there.

The teacher in Ferris Bueller who blights an otherwise brilliant film by trivialising sexual abuse ("so that's how it is in their house") when he sees Sloane kissing her 'dad' (Ferris in disguise).

The tiger in Life of Pi. Just eat him ffs, it'd make a better ending.

Sorry, went a bit over-serious there.

I'd like to add Dumbledore for being so bloody enigmatic and confusing.

Fanny Price.i would tell her to stop being such a, erm, fanny! All that sulking in corners whilst the man she loved flirted with the hussy Mary, FFS woman take a stand and fight for your man!

Having said that Fanny is my favourite Austen heroin!

The twins from Sofia the First. Amber, get your head out your arse, you ain't all that. And James, what a big girls blouse, get a grip!