Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

[MmeLindor]

Reading this this blog today and thinking that I would have included Donna Moss.

Donna could have done with realising that she was more than just a secretary, or admin assistant. By the end of Season 7, she'd escaped Josh's office and snagged herself a fab job, but wish it hadn't taken so long! Typical scene - in the CJ interview, where she says 'oh, but what do I know', I wanted to give her a good shake.

Who would you include?

Actually, an Ian McEwan fan, here. Great character drawing in his early work, just disconcerting characters.

I'd also like to say to the little Hobbitses - STOP SINGING SONGS AND CRACK ON WITH RETURNING THE JEWELLERY ALREADY. Don't keep acting like martyrs, all tired and rushed and whatnot, and then pause for an epic singalong sesh. Try to concentrate FGS.

'Worst fears realised darling Seth and Reuben too bring gumboots'

Surely "send gumboots". As if Mary would ever visit a farm! Love that book so much.

Touché elephants

I've always wanted, is it, the higher common sense, by Abbé whosit? If a chapter can restore Flora, I need it even more. And I so want to see the bra collection. I once read the description of that awful film with close-ups of suicides and lily-ponds to DSis who was going through an artsy phase and she thought it sounded interesting. I was with the camp of " must have something". And whenever we go round an historic house, we remember the description of the farm, complex, then it all burned down.

Those three sisters. There are three of you, FGS. You won't get raped or lost. Most coaches will get you to Moscow. Book the tickets and JDI. Now.

And while you're at it, pass the word on: apples are a much hardier and more commercially successful crop than cherries.

DH suggests

Antonio, only go for an undated bond..

And again,

Menelaus, move on from her. Really. She's not worth it. You'll have no end of trouble. Grexit is nothing to it.

HAHA grexit :)

Pollybloodyanna.

Alicia Florrick: dump your loser DH, shag Will for a while then focus on work and avoid politics and drug dealers.

I'd like to give every single character in Grey's Anatomy a good slap talking to.
Stop with the teenage angst, the shagging each other, the juvenile carry on. Seriously, you're all doctors, you're intelligent professional people.
Stop being idiots.

Alicia Florrick: dump your loser DH, shag Will for a while then focus on work and avoid politics and drug dealers.

Sadly Will died. She missed her chance there

The entire cast of Casualty: I know they didn't teach human reproduction at your medical school, but seriously, google contraception - and then use it. (NB may be out of date on plot lines here, but last time I watched every other plot twist seemed to involve characters having a torrid affair then the woman getting pregnant).

Ana Steele - Let me introduce you to Women's Aid.

Ayla from Earth's Children - Jondalar is a cunt. Tell him to fuck off, and stay with your new family.

Aliena from Pillars of the Earth - You owe your brother NOTHING. Stop putting his needs before yours and bloody marry Jack.

Tom Builder from POTE - While we're at it, your son is as much of a cunt as Richard. Stop indulging him.

Tom Hanks - Don't do it, Wilson stood beside you through thick and thin

Mrs De Winter - She is your employee, FUCKING SACK HER!

*Those three sisters. There are three of you, FGS. You won't get raped or lost. Most coaches will get you to Moscow. Book the tickets and JDI. Now.

And while you're at it, pass the word on: apples are a much hardier and more commercially successful crop than cherries*

Brilliant. I will never sit through another Chekhov production.

Emma from SilverMoon Light. He's got to go back and rule his people in a year, and he's already told you that he'll be marrying someone else. Break it off love.

Glad you liked it, Lass. It's a bit like Beckett. Drives me bonkers.

Godot is not coming. Watch my lips. Not now, not ever.

Holidays and homes.
Insisted on going to visit North Berwick as a result of reading a novel, by a 1930s to 50s writer called DE Stevenson, same family as RLS and the engineers. She also highlighted a lesser known area of a big city for me, which I discovered was pleasant and massively undervalued which is where I bought.

Ha! Re: Casualty. Don't know about you but I'm not sure I could fully trust the medical services of a hospital whose entire staff were unable to maintain a functional long term relationship.

Ha! Re: Casualty. Don't know about you but I'm not sure I could fully trust the medical services of a hospital whose entire staff were unable to maintain a functional long term relationship.

Ditto Grey's Anatomy

I love this thread!

Len Maynard: just say "No" a few times, see how you like it. Of course, it won't work with darling Mamma, but Jack Lambert might back off a bit.

Hero Wantage: just because the tearaway you've had a crush on for years proposes to you doesn't actually mean he loves you. Especially when he tells you he's just proposed to someone else and she turned him down and now he's in a bad mood.

Elinor Dashwood: is there any chance at all that you might give up on Edward (you're dating beneath you there) and make a play for Colonel Brandon? Your sister will get over it - after all, she got over Willoughby, and look at how fixated she was on him.

Old thread but couldn't resist making some additions:

Veronica Sawyer from Heathers - your boyfriend is a murderer! Why didn't you go to the police immediately after the first murder, very likely you wouldn't have been charged and then you could have avoided all the problems that stemmed from it. Disrespectful to her parents, and faking your own suicide then joking about it in front of your mother is pretty horrible.

Grandpa Joe - the original benefits cheat!

Lots of the Harry Potter characters were problematic, especially Snape (creepy got) and Dumbledore (being unnecessarily mysterious and putting teenagers in life threatening situations?!)

Vladimir and Estragon - he's not showing up. The rope's thataway -->

Tom Bombadil - no one wants to hear interminable rhyming and referring to yourself in the third person. Just. Shut. Up.
Hawkeye Pierce - stop being such a tart. Good grief.
Prospero, you're an elitist con artist - give Caliban back his island.
Penelope, you're not telling me it takes 10 years to sail back to Ithaca - and he's been shagging everything that moves on the way - ltb.

Gandalf, if you can command eagles why didn't you use them to fly Frodo and Sam to mount fucking doom to throw the ring in? Seriously what is wrong with you?