Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

[MmeLindor]

Reading this this blog today and thinking that I would have included Donna Moss.

Donna could have done with realising that she was more than just a secretary, or admin assistant. By the end of Season 7, she'd escaped Josh's office and snagged herself a fab job, but wish it hadn't taken so long! Typical scene - in the CJ interview, where she says 'oh, but what do I know', I wanted to give her a good shake.

Who would you include?

[Pipbin]

I agree Mad. I cannot fathom this love for The Tiger Who Came to Tea.
So this tiger rocks up uninvited eats all the food and drinks all the drinks and rather than kicking his sorry ass out you just say 'fair enough then' go out for dinner and buy more food for him. Get a fucking grip the lot of you.

[clarinsgirl]

Goldilocks - breaking and entering, theft, vandalism. Stop it.

[RagstheInvincible]

The second Mrs De Winter. "Max, either that Danvers woman goes or I do!"

[Sweetpea15]

Lamppost - were you in my class? My entire A level class thought Cathy was a spoilt cow who brought it on herself!! Our teacher kept trying to convince us otherwise

[LaurieJuspeczyk]

The girl in Thirteen Reasons Why, can't remember her name. To be fair she clearly had serious mental health problems, given she killed herself (not a spoiler, it happens before the book starts) but taping yourself talking about every petty teenage wrong someone's ever done you and sending them the tapes after your suicide to make sure they know it's their fault is a selfish, vindictive, sadistic thing to do. I mean the rapist, sure, but the people who started fake rumours about her? They were about 14, and now they have to live with hearing you gleefully telling them it's their fault you're dead, for the rest of their lives. Fantastic moral lesson there.

Also it was a crap characterisation of someone who's actually depressed. GOD I hated that book!

[shadowfax07]

I'll probably get howled down for these but here goes.

Laurie Lee, I really don't care why you got kicked out of your mum's bed. Nor do I need to know what the washing looked like on the line.

Holden Caulfield, you do nothing but whinge. BTW, horses aren't human, they are equine.

[SenecaFalls]

Emma Woodhouse did get a good talking to in the book; it's one of the pivotal scenes.

[AbbyCadabra]

George from the Famous Five. If she was here today she could have the cover of Vanity Fair and have a little weepfest about how she always was a man on the inside. Instead she makes horrible comments about how soft girls are and picks on drippy Anne. And Timmy is just a dog, it doesn't really have a Mensa worthy intellect and an unerring instinct to sniff out the criminal classes.

[KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes]

Everyone at Mallory Towers except for Clarissa, Bill and Mary-Lou.

You're all such bitches.

[ShelaghTurner]

Francis Poldark - don't be so fucking stupid. Of course you're second choice. Don't Marry That Woman.

Elizabeth Chynoweth - your mother is an interfering old hag. Marry Ross or shut the fuck up about him.

Ross - CHOOSE! Stop arsing about and make a final decision then leave the other woman the fuck alone.

[nailsathome]

Postman Pat. No you do not need a helicopter to rescue a postal job you have cocked up yet again!

[NinjaLeprechaun]

"Anne of Green Gables:"
Jumping in to defend Anne and Gilbert -
Cavendish PEI, where LM Montgomery was raised and wrote her first two books, and the location of the real Green Gables, has a modern population of fewer than 300 people. I doubt that either she or Anne would have considered a city necessary. Or possibly even desirable.
Not to mention the fact that any position for a young doctor in the Canadian Maritimes during that time period would have been hard to come by, let alone one in the very few cities.

Anyway misses point entirely if she had left the neighbours to themselves it would have made for some fairly dull books.

[LineRunner]

Myron Bolitar, have a proper bloody drink for God's sake. And admit that the love of your life is not that strangely detached woman who seems to make you miserable all the time, but is in fact Win.

[Canyouforgiveher]

every single person in Wuthering Heights (including the author) needs extensive psychotherapy. A good talking to wouldn't suffice

I read The L-Shaped Room as a teen and was devastated by the story. Now I just want to tell Jane, stop stressing about Toby. even if he was the love of your life you'll get over it. Plenty more fish in the sea.

[echt]

YY to Holden Caulfield being a whingy twat, as is his later ego, Frankie, in "The Member of the Wedding".

Although to be fair, Frankie gets talked to 24/7 yet is still a monster of egotism.

[Trooperslane]

Anna bloody Karenina.

[MythicalKings]

Melanie in Gone with the Wind. How drippy can one woman be?

YY to Toad and the second Mrs DeWinter

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

Jeeves.
With your ability you could be earning enough to have your own valet, not running around after Bertie Nice But Very Very Dim and his series of bullying aunts and accidental fiancees.

[Fiderer]

I just read the thread and wanted to start with Anna bloody Karenina too.

And the 2nd Mrs DeWinter. My d (12) and I are having a film fest atm where we take it in turns to choose films to watch. Think we were talking about first lines in books and Rebecca came up. But as soon as I said, "God she's such a drip" my d replied dryly "Better not watch that then. You'll just shout at the TV again."

Countess I was thinking of Lord Emsworth then remembered "Lord Emsworth and the Girlfriend" - my favourite short story.

[Icimoi]

Miriam in Sons and Lovers - what a wet drip. And Gertrude Morel, let your sons live normal lives, ffs.

[sashh]

Daenerys Targaryen.
No you are not 'just a young girl', you have murdered (both your husband and the woman you burned), led a Khalasar, cheated someone out of an army off unsullied and captured a city - stop with this 'young girl' talk.

And train your bloody dragons, you were doing fine with them when they were little, they used to obey you and then you just stopped, is it any wonder they went of killing sheep, cows and children?

And what a chance you missed staying in Bravos while the whole of Westeross was in turmoil, had you turned up with your dragons Walder Frey would not have needed to be placated and Rob Stark would still be alive. You could have been sitting on that iron throne by now.

The entire cast of Friends.

And Timmy is just a dog, it doesn't really have a Mensa worthy intellect and an unerring instinct to sniff out the criminal classes.

And train him not to eat poisoned meat, every other bloody book you say he won't take food from strangers, and there he goes again.

[jeee]

Er.... drippy Ann deserved to be picked on. Always crying, so that she didn't have to go and George then had to stay with her. And when George is understandably more than a little miffed when an arrogant public school boy tells her she has to stay and look after Ann (look after her yourself, Julian, she's your sister), Ann then bursts into tears because it's not her fault that she's only a girl. Passive aggressive, whiny, irritating.....

I don't know why the washer woman in the Faraway Tree needs talking to. Tipping water over all the asbo-types who can be found clambering over the tree seems to me rational and appropriate.

The Robin needs a talking to more than any other character in literature. She is infantilised (is that even a word?) all round. I've always suspected that under the angelic face, she was a nun of the most sadistic variety.

[BalloonSlayer]

Melanie in GWTW isn't drippy! Scarlett thinks she is but that's not the point. The point is that there are more ways of being strong and coping than Scarlett's sledgehammer tactics. But I am talking about the book . . . it probably doesn't come across in the film.

[Ledare]

No no, Daenarys keeps saying that to be disingenuous. it just doesn't work on the audience

[BalloonSlayer]

Anne from the Famous Five. Stop doing the cooking and washing up and tidying just because you are a girl.

George from the Famous Five. Stop pretending you want to be a boy just to get out of doing the cooking and washing up and tidying. Embrace feminism, encourage Anne to do likewise and tell Julian and Dick to do their fair share. Don't just pretend to be a boy and leave it all to Anne.

Mum from The Tiger Who Came to Tea. Look, love, you're fooling no one. The look on your husband's face says it all. You need to seek treatment for your alcoholism before your daughter is damaged by your ridiculous lies.

Dr Frankenstein. So you decided to create a person out of bits of dead people. Did you not think it might turn out a bit on the ugly side? And how did you think your creation would feel when you were repulsed by its appearance and rejected it? Do you seriously think it isn't justified in being angry in being created by someone who immediately rejects it because they haven't done a very good job?