Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

[MmeLindor]

Reading this this blog today and thinking that I would have included Donna Moss.

Donna could have done with realising that she was more than just a secretary, or admin assistant. By the end of Season 7, she'd escaped Josh's office and snagged herself a fab job, but wish it hadn't taken so long! Typical scene - in the CJ interview, where she says 'oh, but what do I know', I wanted to give her a good shake.

Who would you include?

Jude (the obscure), just so much unnecessary angst over everything.

In fact a lot of Hardy makes me rage - maybe that is the point of them, misery of our own making and all that.

The tiger in Life of Pi :o :o :o

Love that!

Cathy in Wuthering Heights
Tess D'Urbyfield
The new Mrs DeWinter in 'Rebecca'

Dumbledore. Stop leaving everything to a bunch of teenagers. And tell someone else the bloody plan!

Anne of Green Gables: I know you love Gilbert and are delighted to be his wife etc etc, but for gods sake get him to take a doctor's practice in a city, where you can keep up with your writing ambitions, than in a tiny fishing village in the middle of nowhere where you'll have nothing to do except get involved in the vagaries of village life!

Lizzie Eustace. Shallow, vacuous, greedy, spineless.

Also Becky Bloomwood. You're not a warmhearted, well-meaning pickle who gets herself into amusing scrapes. You're a materialistic airhead.

I love this thread. And all of you for contributing. It's MADE my afternoon.

Linda Radlett. Stop faffing about with 'great loves' who turn out to be boring bankers, give your daughter a nicer name and a bit of attention once in a while and have a bit of self respect over Fabrice.

Carrie also needs to stop investing in shoes and write a sensible financial plan.

Bridget fucking Jones.

Sort yourself out for goodness sake.

Totally Bridget Jones.

What a train wreck..

Cinderella - stop being such a fecking doormat with all your " yes stepmother" crap and waiting to be rescued by a Prince. Woman up and tell your evil stepmother and ugly step sisters to do their own bloody housework. Oh, and and stop talking to mice, it's just weird.

Isabella Linton: stay away from Heathcliff, he's a psychopath who will rape you and impregnate you on your wedding life, is obsessed with a dead woman he thinks was the love of his life, and will generally make your life miserable. Run and run fast!

I always had a lot of admiration for Isabella.

She left an abusing prick whilst pregnant and unwell and very, very young.

And Dumbledore, the Elder Wand looks like anal beads.

What's that about?

Oh, and Mary-Lou Trelawney. Sit down, shut up, and mind your own business.

Heathcliff, read between the lines. She's your sister.

LOL at the tiger! Would have been a short film

Oh and Sophie's mummy: if a tiger pops his head round your door asking to come for tea, it might be more reasonable to stall him and call the police rather than inviting him in to drain your water system.

Has the zoo lost a tiger? Although the tiger seems polite, might he actually be a bit wild and hurt you and your daughter? Is it really wise to be in an enclosed space with such a (self-confessed) hungry animal?

All things worth considering, rather than just 'drat, I've not got a tin of Tiger Food in'.

I totally agree with Cathy in Wuthering Heights. I've never felt so misled by what I thought a book was going to be about before I read it! I can't believe no one has mentioned Holden Caulfield- irritating little oaf. Needs to be told to shut up and stop being such an entitled little brat!

Miss Havisham - you dodged a bullet. Your intended was a prick. Now take off your dress, put it in a box and stick it up in the loft. Send all the presents back. Keep the cake, champagne and pearls. Light a fire. Light the candles. Pour yourself a large glass of bubbly and grab a huge slice of cake. This is your life. Fabulous.

Ross Poldark in the book, not so much the series, mooning over Elizabeth, it makes me so mad.

Mr and Mrs Lisbon. You keep your daughters in such claustrophobic proximity to you, under such strict rules that they have resorted to killing themselves.
Just let them go out and do normal things with their peers.

Robb Stark- just go and crack one out in the shower over Jeyne, and then put marry the least worst of the Frey girls. Trust me on this.

Hermione Grainger I know Ron has certain charms but marriage, really? Surely a couple of years of teenage angst and shagging would suffice.

A woman with an intellect as keen as yours would surely ditch him and disapporate off to the wizard equivalent of Oxbridge, meet a dashing young professor (possibly played by Bendict Cumberbatch in the inevitable movie version) and live a fulfilling cultured, intellectual wizard life.

Fer fuck sake scarlett, Ashleys a drip.