Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

[MmeLindor]

Reading this this blog today and thinking that I would have included Donna Moss.

Donna could have done with realising that she was more than just a secretary, or admin assistant. By the end of Season 7, she'd escaped Josh's office and snagged herself a fab job, but wish it hadn't taken so long! Typical scene - in the CJ interview, where she says 'oh, but what do I know', I wanted to give her a good shake.

Who would you include?

My Gone With the Wind character who needs a talking to is Ashley! How wet can you get? He clearly wants to shag Scarlett without marrying her but isn't man enough to tell her that, so instead he keeps her hanging on for over a decade by talk of honour and wanting to do the right thing etc etc.

Taggie Campbell-Black. You do realise abusive men don't change, don't you? If he hit and raped his ex-wife, and now he has chosen you - a much younger, vulnerable, inexperienced girl who struggles to read and write - it's not actually a very good sign is it?

linerunner absobloodylutely!!!!!!!

The two main characters in the Earth's Children series by Jane Auel need to try actually talking to each other about how they feel instead of constantly misinterpreting each others' actions leading to brooding and angst.

That actually applies to 99% of all fictional couples...

Lear - talk about an egotistical drama queen creating all of his own troubles.

King - that's always been my theory about Cathy and Heathcliff too, |I'm probably just too practical, I mean who picks up stray children on the street and brings them home! of course, they are brother and sister

Shadowfax - no kicking from me, I felt exactly the same when I had to read Laurie Sodding Lee for O level.

Juno, just nip to the local pharamacy and get yourself some Plan B. Then get on with your life.

Adding to the chorus of "Hermione, just date him for a few months to get it out of your system, then find someone interesting!"

Yes balloonslayer, quite right about Taggie C-B!

Sue Bridehead needs a stern talking to as well, for entirely different reasons.

The entire bloody cast of Turandot.

How many red flags does anyone need?

Becky Sharp - should have made an effort to actually speak to her husband and son occasionally and not constantly be seeking the next mark.

Maria Bertram - you married for money and now you're cheating on your dim yet kind hubby. Stop it.

Henry Crawford - stop encouraging Maria, you are morally complicit in this.

Mrs Norris - you are unkind to Fanny and a right spiteful kiss-assing bitch.

Angel Clare - judgemental cunt.

Cathy Linton - nuff said.

Mr Norrell - stop depending on Laschelles, he is a bad 'un.

Mrs March - preachy much?

St John Rivers - oh, you self-important twat.

Gilbert Markham - you're not all that. Helen likes you but you need to give her time.

The various men in Bathsheba's life - stop pulling her to bits!

Rosamond Vincy - the doctor shouldn't have married you, he should have married Dorothea.

Mr Casaubon - you shouldn't have got married. End of.

Bellis - you got stolen and shipped out to Armada. Stop sulking and get involved.

Kevin's dad - whoosh. Selective blindness much?

I am enjoying this too much

Hugh Grant's character in 4 weddings (Charles??)

You choose drippy Carrie (who in turn is a shit to her fiancé/husband) over gorgeous KST, all the while messing duckface around.

Oh, and Ned Stark. Yes, what a good idea to inform evil scheming Queen you know her children are bastards fathered by her own twin brother, when you strongly suspect she's already bumped off your predecessor for finding out exactly the same thing. Stop being so noble ffs.

Katy Carr: just do what you're told and stay away from the swing.
Cousin Helen: water never cured anything other than thirst. You need a proper doctor, not another bath.
Lady Macbeth: have you tried soaking it in biological washing powder or a bit of bleach?
Constable Peter Grant: Beverly loves you and Lesley isn't your fault, move on love.
Shylock: litigation is not a good idea.
Titania: should have gone to Specsavers.........

Bathsheba Evergreen - you flighty tart! Anyone can see TRoy is a vacuous waste of space.
On the other hand Gabriel Oak is bloody dull and Boldwood is a stalker - move to a town!

Oh and while we're here Mr Rochester, you are rich enough to afford a divorce and a sprinkler system.

Mercedes - how could you let Edmund Dante drop out of your life and then marry the crappy other bloke who engineered it. You even let Edmund's dad starve to death - you heartless bint.

Maggie Tolliver's brother - stop being a dick.

Geordi - I find you a bit whiny.

Riker/Troi - I find you a bit smug.

Anya - I don't think you are that kind to Xander.

Buffy - see above, re: Spike-with-soul.

All the women in Charmed - christ, you're annoying.

Charlotte Lucas. Just don't do it. You are lovely and just because everyone tells you that you are plain does not mean you don't deserve love. The weather will get colder and your husband will have to come in from gardening at some point. You can't keep him out there forever.

Temperance Brennan, book version.
She spends book after book after book tying herself in knots over whether or not she should be interested in Andy Ryan. Even while she's dating him - It's ridiculously frustrating. (For me, never mind him. But bless him he keeps trying.) I sometimes want to smack some sense into her. He's definitely a keeper.

Kay Scarpetta, shut up with the endless descriptions of your Italian cooking. It's just pasta. With some stuff on top.

Oh Fadedred, couldn't agree more: Mr Rochester, you are rich enough to afford a divorce and a sprinkler system.

Plus, Jane Eyre needs to get her hands on a copy of 'Wide Sargasso Sea'. Wouldn't seem such a catch then would he?

Has anyone else mentioned Bella from Twilight yet? Edward isn't romantic, he's a crazy stalker! Also, stop being so damn ungrateful towards your father, he's only trying to protect you.

Professor Umbridge - look I know you've got issues but you don't have to take them out on everybody else, Harry has been through enough already without you giving him grief too. And for the love of God, please get rid of those hideous plates!

yy linerunner , I believe there is a spin off cookbook though?

Just about everyone in Gone With the Wind.

Mother in the Folk of the Faraway Tree - for Christ's sake woman, do some parenting.

Rose in Brighton Rock - grow a pair.

And from films/TV:

Ally McBeal - gives me so much rage.

Most of the cast of Friends, particularly Ross (controlling), Rachel (spoiled and whiny) and Chandler (just shut up).

Bella off the Tweenies - I do not advocate corporal punishment, I have never ever smacked my DC, I never will, and I don't generally feel violent towards anybody, but I would totally bitch slap Bella, the bossy, know it all little fanny.

Balloonslayer
YES to Taggie. Poor love. A lot of Jilly Cooper's heroines could do with a good chat.

TwigletLola
yy, read the blog I linked to! It's very funny.

RinkRash - genuinely snorted at that! It's so true.

To rinse my brain out after reading the second twilight book, I had a lengthy daydream which involved a worldwide aunt turning up and convincing idiot teenager Bells that ending your life, family & future over a boyfriend is fucking stupid and that she should go off to study in New York, experience the world and fuck a load of different boys and girls. If you still want stalkers glitter boy after that, ok, knock yourself out.