What's your best sporn story?

[Ouchbloodyouch]

How excited do you get when you see KLAXON? Sometimes you get a few in a week.. sometimes there is a drought! So in order to keep us sporners truly satisfied can we do our ultimate ultimate sporn stories? I've just shared my blackhead story on another thread (TAAT guilt) but this is my best..if it looks familiar its because I have posted it under a different name.
Many years ago I became aware of a very sharp pain on my left side. Between the hip and the buttock. Upon examination there wasn't much to be seen other than something that looked like a teeny pimple. I pierced the top with a sterile needle and nothing happened. Owing to the position of the 'pimple' I had to grab my flesh to bring it to a better viewing position.. well.. as I did that the pressure I applied caused a jet of pus to spew three feet across the room. In an arc! I've never seen the like. After evacuating the pimple I took a hot bath and tried again. Lo and behold it happened again to a lesser extent.
That was it. The best half hour of my life. I've never had anything like it since.
Over to you. .

[Coffeethrowtrampbitch]

I have a number of sebaceous cysts on my head. About 10 years ago, I developed a spot right on top of one that was on the top of my head. I was trying to squeeze and could only do so if I squeezed the cyst, so I did.

After about half a hour it burst, with a series of crunchy noises that reverberated through my skull. There was a lot of white smelly pus and clear pus following that I tried to soak off with tissues. There was also a weird noise like a squeezed rubber ball inflating as air entered the sac of the cyst.

It was awesome. It would slowly refill for a few weeks and I regularly squeezed out clear pus, but then it cleared up. Quite irritating as cysts aren't meant to if the sac isn't removed.
I've popped a few large boils, like most in armpit or groin, but nothing was as good as that was.

Thank you for the thread!

[Interrobang]

This isn't so much sporn as spawn of the devil - thought some of you might enjoy it!

aplus.com/a/ear-bug-guy-disgusting

[Chippednailvarnish]

i have to suction secretions occasionally as part of my job

Swoon

[emwithme]

Growing up I thought my mum was ODD because of her sporn-love...and then, when I was 19, my BF at the time took his ear piercings out. Oh. The wormy loveliness. 13 lots of wormy loveliness that all refilled at different rates.

Since then, there's nothing nicer than a mirror-splatterer or a blackhead that comes out like a worm with a face, or that feeling where a fanjo spot has just going B-DOING and is ready for a squeezing.

Unfortunately, DH is not into sporn and won't let me attack him very often. BFF (who I shared a flat with for 10+ years) is, though, so sometimes I have to go and visit her and "play monkey" (and be reciprocated...for as much as I like squeezing other people, I love to be squeezed myself)

[helensburgh]

Telling DH about this and he's agreed to let me loose on his 3cm diameter sebaceous cyst.

Yipeeeee.

He's had t 13 years.

I have a ganglion , but thinking not

[Fishandjam]

Argh! In related ewwwww topics, I've just discovered that I'm missing a programme on parasites (with Dr Mike Mosley) on BBC4! Half way through already!

[Alchemist]

Has anyone seen the Eastenders advert with the bendy bit of the Thames?

It looks like the space a boil would fill to me :).

[EBearhug]

It's filled with the Millenium Dome isn't it?

[Fugghetaboutit]

[Lightattheend]

I didn't know this was a thing! I had a sore on my knicker line, sat on the bed with tissues to tackle it. Well it did pop, the blood shot up, missed my head but hit the ceiling! Months later my dh enquired about the (now) black spot on the ceiling, i just shrugged my shoulders, its still there and makes me chuckle all the time.

[dubdurbs]

I had a sore bit under my tongue, it got to the point where I couldn't eat or drink because it was that sore. After lots of poking prodding and squeezing at it(tears rolling down my face from the pain and drool hanging from my chin after having had my mouth open for so long) eventually a hard piece of white tooth shaped something or other came out of the salivary gland, followed by oozing, hot, green puss. I nearly fainted with the relief of it! I also had what I reckon was a bartholins cyst a few years back. Gave it a good poking with a sterilsed needle and after much squeezing, it popped and hit the door, oh my god, the speed of it! It splattered and took a good scrubbing to get it out of the woodwork!

I had a dog once that used to get spots on her muzzle, teenage acne really, she was really good at letting me pop them, lots of green yucky stuff-she was so grateful afterwards! Her litter mate used to get what I could only describe as oily blackheads on her belly, and once had an infected nipple. I plucked out a hard plug from it that was the shape of a grain of rice, but the size of a large grape and then spent 15 wonderful minutes pushing out the stinky green slime that had been hiding behind it.She snored the whole time and only woke up when I stood up :D

DP love's for me to give his back a good seeing to, usually just as he's getting into bed, and when I'm tired and don't want to move. Because I love him so very much,I deny myself a few precious moments of sleep and have a dig at all his spots and blackheads. he aso has old peircings that fill with cheese, and a wonderful tubular shaped hole under one armthat fills every so often with this strange, rubbery sort of white stuff, it's a joy!! He also had an amazing large whitehead on his chest, while we liived overseas. He wasn't going to let me at it becauseit was so sore, so I took grreat pleasure in telling him that it could be a botfly larva(we lived in a region reknowned for them!) and showed him several gruesome youtube video's of larva removal. He dug it out himself, and I was so disappointed, I had been looking forward to him caving and allowing me to rummage around. He's got a big scar on his chest ther now because he was so cack handed, serves him right! :(


I may have a sporning problem.....

[EugenesAxe]

dubdurbs - thank you for your awesome testimonials!

[lithewire]

I assume everyone here has tried those blackhead removing strips that you put on your nose? Peeling it off is so satisfying

[Cruickshanks]

i was so greasy the strips had no purchase :(

[FluffyTheEvilOne]

My best one was in the loos at work; I'd had a lump on my cheek for a few weeks, that never came to a head. One day it was a little red so I thought I'd give it a quick go, and oh my god the pressure behind it was like nothing I'd had before or since. The first squeeze sprayed yellow goop all over the mirror, and it was a good few squeezes, all of which hit the mirror, before I got it all. Thankfully nobody walked in, either during the operation or subsequent clean up of the mirror, or I'd have never lived it down.

I'm a very selfish sporner though; I don't like dealing with other people's for some reason.

[Alchemist]

DP had never encountered the joy of the blackhead strips.

He now asks "Is it time yet?" :).

[Jessicalovessunshine]

Oh my god, I love this thread. I am a spooner. My family think it is hilarious. I have had a couple of awful cysts in my groin area (one last week) I noticed there was a dark area on my left groin, but didn't think too much of it, a few weeks later i knocked it with my hand and noticed there was a HUGE lump (bigger than a 50p!) I was able to pull the skin 'upwards' and i squeezed... thick yellow/brown pus shot out, in an arc, all over my white drawers.

The other time i had more of a battalions (spelling?) cyst, which appeared as i flew to Brisbane. It got more and more uncomfortable to sit down. Imagine my happiness when my cheap hotel had a moveable mirror which had a magnified side. I was able to have a hot bath and then angle the mirror perfectly. loads of puss shot out and then a big hard thick piece of puss.

My husband will also let me check him out for spots AND my sister gets a monstrous ear spot every 6-10 months. I love squeezing!

[LosingNemo]

This was on buzzfeed today, thought people might enjoy it. I'm not sure I believe all of them are real, one looks like a tube of primula being squeezed... www.buzzfeed.com/nicholaswray/zit-pop

[Thatwanoverthere]

I registered so I could share.

When I was 19 I spent a summer in Barcelona. Before I left, I decided to immac my bikini line to avoid the inevitable spider legs.
I wasn't ver au fait with lady garden topiary at the time, so when a spot appeared at the top of my leg, I was intrigued but didn't immediately know what it was. I was informed it was probably an ingrown hair and the idea of a hair lurking caught my interest. I squeezed, attacked with tweezers but nothing did. It grew bigger and bigger. Back at home, I kept tweezers by the loo and attacked every few days.
I eventually I gave up. The spot was now a lump, but I supposed it would never appear.
After a shower, I was doing my now customary investigation when I saw a hair. I grabbed the tweezers and pulled. And pulled. And pulled. It was coiled around so when it was stretched out it was about four inches in length. Lots of lovely pus accompanied it.
I sometimes think about that ingrown hair.

[tiredvommachine]

Love this thread!

[Weasel113]

I am a man aged 59. At the age of 10 I had a boil on the inside of my knee and it got bigger and bigger over a 3 week period. I could not touch it, or anywhere else on that leg from the calf muscle to the top of my thigh because of the pain. My leg was half as big again as the other one. There was talk of having to go to hospital to have it lanced.

During the world cup final in 1966 it burst......holy moly it burst. The pain had stopped a few hours before. After the initial volcano of puss that lasted around 15 minutes I was still leaking throughout the game. It was like slow moving lava. If I changed position more puss would come out. If I bent my knee even more stuff would flow down my leg. Think blackcurrant Eton mess for consistency and colour. God the smell.

Said boil died over the next 2 days and my affected leg was for a while thinner than my good one.

We were tough in those days.

[Mrsderekshepard]

Love reading these, anymore to add?

[ScorpioMermaid]

I have an addiction to squeezing, dont like to be squeezed myself though, that's my job. DH has accepted that I MUST squeeze everything spot like or ingown that appears on his body.

he had been having a pain around where his tail bone is so asked me to investigate. I get my best clean digging tweezers out and set to work. I found 2 pin hole type things at the top of his, for want of a better word, bum crack. one was a little cheesy with hair stuck inside it and the other.. well..
I squeezed and loads of hair shot out like a bullet, it made me jump, followed by a load and I mean load of green/blood streaked/thick/stinky pus. It was oozing and oozing. I went through at least half a packet of baby wipes and a box of tissues. It was great. When it stopped I bathed it for him and left it a few days as it was sore to let more pus pool and it did it again. it's been a while now but he gets me to check it every now and again for hair. turns out it's a pilonidal (sp?) cyst. his uncle was hospitalised with one that required surgery (google nearly made me barf) but I did such a good job on DH he's not even been to the Dr's about it!