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Original poster

What's your best sporn story?

337 replies

Ouchbloodyouch · 10/02/2015 23:34

How excited do you get when you see KLAXON? Sometimes you get a few in a week.. sometimes there is a drought! So in order to keep us sporners truly satisfied can we do our ultimate ultimate sporn stories? I've just shared my blackhead story on another thread (TAAT guilt) but this is my best..if it looks familiar its because I have posted it under a different name.
Many years ago I became aware of a very sharp pain on my left side. Between the hip and the buttock. Upon examination there wasn't much to be seen other than something that looked like a teeny pimple. I pierced the top with a sterile needle and nothing happened. Owing to the position of the 'pimple' I had to grab my flesh to bring it to a better viewing position.. well.. as I did that the pressure I applied caused a jet of pus to spew three feet across the room. In an arc! I've never seen the like. After evacuating the pimple I took a hot bath and tried again. Lo and behold it happened again to a lesser extent.
That was it. The best half hour of my life. I've never had anything like it since.
Over to you. .

OP posts:
StrawberryTallCake · 12/02/2015 20:52

Had a quick browse and wow... Frankel that is quite something.

Fishandjam · 12/02/2015 21:29

DH recently got a peritonsillar abscess (aka quinsy). His neck was swollen and he said it was enormously painful. The GP warned him that the causative bacterium is usually antibiotic resistant, but that they'd give it a try - otherwise, it would require aspirating. He was understandably leery of this but I, may the God of Sporners forgive me, was secretly hoping the antibiotics would fail and I could hold his hand while observing the pus being sucked out of his throat. Dammit if the bacterium didn't cave in and the abscess cleared up without the need for the needle. I wuz robbed, robbed.

EBearhug · 12/02/2015 21:31

A friend was hospitalised with quinsy. Apparently, "That's just so Victorian!" isn't the correct initial response...

sweetkitty · 12/02/2015 21:32

I have another one, I had a sore heel for a couple of days thought it was my shoes but then I looked down to find a nice little spot, squeezed it and it had the loveliest pop and loads and loads of pus, it left a lovely hole too Grin

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 12/02/2015 21:32

strawberry I am speechless

OP posts:
Fishandjam · 12/02/2015 21:37

I know ebear, it's up there with rickets and scrofula! It can be quite serious so I did feel guilty for being cross that the antibiotics worked.

frankel, you definitely win. It's....erm. Cor.

EBearhug · 12/02/2015 21:40

Rickets is making a comeback in areas of Britain, apparently.

Alchemist · 12/02/2015 21:42

Oh, Strawberry, that was lovely Thanks.

WineCowboy · 12/02/2015 21:43

Frankel that is proper sporn, shocking but alluring..... Grin

Alchemist · 12/02/2015 21:45

Sorry, I was meaning to say that Frankel, well I never! Must have given you a start!

DP is a gardener but has not given me any thorn/pus happiness yet.

I live in hope.

ProcessYellowC · 12/02/2015 21:46

Hmm this is pretty mild but when I classify my own spots there is a "mirror hitter" variety. They are the best.

cleantheplaceup · 12/02/2015 21:50

My dog got a grass seed embedded in her cheek.

Only realised because one side of her face filled up.

I took some tweezers to it and gently guided the seed out - it popped out from under the skin followed by a river of green puss.

Ahhhhhhh...

Deedeecupcake · 12/02/2015 21:55

Thank you for the mums better who mention piercing worms. Had several minutes of fun with that earlier!! Had never even thought of it.

Christmasbargainshopper · 12/02/2015 22:04

I have two.

Dh had a grape sized lump under his arm and asked me to look at it. I parted his arm hair and with a pop a huge amount of thick pus appeared. Gave it a squeeze and tons more came out. It was a blocked pour and I'm convinced it keeps refilling but he won't let me touch it again :(

The second was an infection in my face. A small spot turned into a large boil overnight. Visited gp and was told not to touch it or it would scar. Left it three days! Then went back to gp as it was getting worse. She said she couldn't recommend using a sterile needle and draining it myself Wink Went home and pricked it generally with a needle. It exploded puss everywhere, followed by clear stuff and more puss. Fabulous!

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 12/02/2015 22:10

It was only on an MN sporn thread that I discovered the piercing worms. My navel piercing was like a double headed blackhead..twas lovely

OP posts:
goodasitgets · 12/02/2015 22:18

My inner thigh one has done nothing Sad much to the disappointment of two friends I was away with. One prodded it, the other suggested a needle (I love my friends)

Horse at the stables had a jaw abscess, me and another woman practically elbowed each other to get to it first with the vet looking on wetting himself. He ended up suggesting we took turns Blush

Fishandjam · 12/02/2015 22:29

Do you only get piercing worms in empty piercing holes? Mine always have some form of earring/barbell/whatever in, so am I missing out on sporny fun?

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 12/02/2015 22:56

Yes you are. Remove adornments forthwith and brew..

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 13/02/2015 07:25

Piercing worms?? What is this, i need to know!!

GothicRainbow · 13/02/2015 17:22

I've just had a lovely mirror hitter! Was lush!! Corner of my mouth and it's been a real achy sore bastard. Been going at it for days with no results and have just had another good squeeze sesh and bam spot went with a lovely pop and a feeling of immense relief and satisfaction!!
Would it be wrong to say it was better than an orgasm?!? Hmm feeling ever so content right now!!!

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 13/02/2015 18:14

A piercing worm is where you have a piercing that you no longer use. Give it a squeeze. !

OP posts:
MrsDiesel · 13/02/2015 18:41

I need to remove the toddler from my nap and squeeze my naval piercing! Sometimes I get a build up of soap in my naval (it is very deep) and pick it out with tweezers.

MrsDiesel · 13/02/2015 18:49

Ok so I just had a good squeeze, I did get a small worm but it had so much more potential. I feel it could have been so much better if I had another hand. What an awkward angle!

Chavaloy · 13/02/2015 19:12

This thread is disgusting and lovely at the same time!
I love shoving an earring through the second hole in each ear every few months and seeing the wiggly white worm appear! Not worn earrings in these holes for 30 years!
Also... had some 'lumps' removed from my back a couple of years ago. Doctor was amazed at what came out (I refused to look - sorry - massive cysts - he said the inside would be white and smell of rotten cottage cheese!). Was told not to make stitches wet for 2 days. Then I had baths (doctor didn't say only shower!). Lumps seemed to be growing back, then one day I lay on the sofa, there was a massive pop, and green stuff spewed - loads of it. Needed antibiotics for the infection and only showered after that! DH now occasionally squeezes the tiny lumps that have re-appeared and gets a very long thin white (smelly) worm!

FuckYouKatieHopkins · 13/02/2015 19:36

I had a sty type thing on one eye. It started as a very swollen eye infection but when it went down a hard lump was left. It didn't hurt or look infected so I just left it.

Almost a year later in got huge and red and angry pretty much over night.

I made a GP appointment and tried not to fiddle but eventually I decided to have a look in the mirror. I sort of pulled my eyelid taut and it just exploded with an audible pop. The thing is, I was wearing glasses so the contents was neatly displayed for me to examine... there was a whole load of pus, blood etc and right in the middle was a solitary piece of glitter stuck to a hardish waxy lump.

And that, people, is why we do not wear normal crafting glitter as make up for fancy dress.....