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Original poster

What's your best sporn story?

337 replies

Ouchbloodyouch · 10/02/2015 23:34

How excited do you get when you see KLAXON? Sometimes you get a few in a week.. sometimes there is a drought! So in order to keep us sporners truly satisfied can we do our ultimate ultimate sporn stories? I've just shared my blackhead story on another thread (TAAT guilt) but this is my best..if it looks familiar its because I have posted it under a different name.
Many years ago I became aware of a very sharp pain on my left side. Between the hip and the buttock. Upon examination there wasn't much to be seen other than something that looked like a teeny pimple. I pierced the top with a sterile needle and nothing happened. Owing to the position of the 'pimple' I had to grab my flesh to bring it to a better viewing position.. well.. as I did that the pressure I applied caused a jet of pus to spew three feet across the room. In an arc! I've never seen the like. After evacuating the pimple I took a hot bath and tried again. Lo and behold it happened again to a lesser extent.
That was it. The best half hour of my life. I've never had anything like it since.
Over to you. .

OP posts:
iamdivergent · 13/02/2015 20:20

I'm a picker, it's terrible. I had quite bad acne from about 20-25 and am quite scarred. I get these little niggly hard lumps behind my ears about nd in the hairline - sometimes they are amazing!

I'll tell you my two favourites:

I was still bf DD1; she was 1 and had most teeth, someone made loud noise and she whipped her head round and broke skin above my areola. didn't think anything of it til the next week when i noticed it was hard and swollen - gave it a squeeze and omg the green pus that shot across the room was amazing! needed a course of antibiotics for that one Grin

another boob one, just on the cleavage area, small sore spot, quite tiny - was in the shower and gave it a squeeze, the pop was so loud, white pus and blood and it sprayed everywhere for about 20 seconds Shock I have two scars on my left boob because of these Grin Grin Grin

stabbypokey · 13/02/2015 20:40

My last relationship was almost defined by sporn and my heart always skips a beat when I see a klaxon on here.

One of our best date nights was at the theatre. I had a hard lump about the size of my thumbnail near my right ear. I can't remember anything about the play as I was mithering the spot, it was hot and when I rolled it between my fingers it was painful, but a good pain. It popped during the final act with a low thud. I virtually punched the air and turned to my boyfriend with a look of triumph and loads of pus came out which crystallised and matted my hair.

He was so jealous and wanted to be part of it somehow so I was banned from picking the crystals out so he could do it when we got home.

He was a good man.

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 13/02/2015 20:52

Naval piercings require the help of a cotton bud sometimes to apply pressure.
I'm so glad you are all still adding to this. ..

OP posts:
NerdyBird · 13/02/2015 21:20

Mine are tame compared to these. I suffer from acne so I've had lots of squeezy fun over the years. Most recently I had a small lump under the skin sort of where your neck meets your shoulder. I kept fiddling with it but couldn't get anything out as it was an awkward angle, but then a few weeks ago I managed it and there was a lovely waxy lump with a brown bit on the end. That was quite satisfying.
In the summer I had a spot behind my ear, I was randomly prodding it one day when it burst and I could feel and hear it pop.

I also had a corn on my foot. A corn plaster had softened it a little, but not much. I was picking at it in the middle of the night (awake after feeding DD) and felt the core come out. That was really good and walking was much less painful. I put another corn plaster on and this time it did work. I had a lovely time picking off the dead skin after a shower. I know the last one isn't strictly sporn but it was good.

MrsDiesel · 13/02/2015 21:22

Ahhh I will have another go tomorrow.

Fugghetaboutit · 13/02/2015 21:25

I always feel cheated if I pop a spot and don't get to see it.

Popped and eyebrow spot once in the cinema and it popped loudly and I was so upset I missed it :(

Sistedtwister · 13/02/2015 22:41

THis thread is a thing of beauty.

I had an abscess on my inner thigh. So big my normal walk was similar to the Tina Turner dance move. The puss when it went was awesome. I have a small hole there now that refills with waxy gunk, it's brilliant.

DH gets a spotty back especially in the summer. He ASKS me to squeeze them. I lufffs that man Grin

I also had what looked like a dry patch of skin on my forehead. I was inspecting it one day and stretched it. Out came a thread of white stuff about 3" long.

And I have plaque psoriasis. During a flare up I can peel up to 5cm square of thick skin in one go ( know that's not strictly sporn but it is very satisfying)

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 13/02/2015 22:46

I had a corn once. I tried a corn plaster and nothing seemed to happen. A few days later I was poking and prodding absent mindedly when I noticed that the whole thing had fallen off. I spent a long time examining it.

OP posts:
rootypig · 13/02/2015 23:25

An ex of mine had a quinsy years back. It was pretty serious, I went with him when he was transferred from walk in to an ENT hospital. Where I was so desperate to see fascinated by the draining of the pus from the abscess that the doctor asked me if I was a medical student Grin In fact the pus was too thick to come out so I was cheated out of a lovely syringe full of gunk Angry

WizardOfToss · 13/02/2015 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stabbypokey · 14/02/2015 00:21

Wizard he introduced me to the joy of his ear blackheads, and used to 'do my face' about once a month. A true fellow sporner, perhaps I'll give him a call....

samlamb · 14/02/2015 00:55
suitsyousir · 14/02/2015 01:27

you all might want to check out a youtube poster called sankaqm5. loads of videos cyst removal/explosions and the like.

WizardOfToss · 14/02/2015 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivaLeBeaver · 14/02/2015 08:16

My best one is a guinea pig abcess. Piggy had a huge lump under his neck. Went to the vet who said it was an abcess and reckoned piggy needed an op under GA as hard to get to.

I said bollocks to that thinking of the cost and told vet to slice it while I pinned the piggy down. She got a scapel and made an inch long incision in the lump and then squeezed and squeezed and loads of thick, white, smelly gunk came out.

I was sent home with instructions to keep picking the scap open and squeezing till it stopped refilling. Took a week of alternate day squeezing. Dd used to hold the piggy and I used to be chief squeezer.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 14/02/2015 19:06

Our lovely poodle got very ill, lethargic and wobbly,but christmas so no vet. Then Boxing Day she was better, but stinky, so quick bath ( Australia, so not cold) I was drying her and a fucking huge tic dropped out of her front, followed by rivers of thick yellow pus.
I also used to sit running my fingers through her wool, when one night I came across a hard lump, like a grain of rice. It was a blackhead bigger than a match head which popped right out, totally black, into a hard ball about the size of my little fingernail. That dog was gold.

AnneofCheese · 14/02/2015 21:35

This thread is giving me LIFE. It is amazing. I have never had pus shoot across the room though, is my immune system broken?

Btw, Caitlin Moran is a sporner. She described a blackhead in her armpit as 'it slid out like a bolt out of a door'

OscarWinningActress · 14/02/2015 22:02

Ok, Sporners...Need your advice! I bit off a hangnail last week and now the tip of my finger is swollen, throbbing and fifty shades of red, pink and purple. What should I do ? It hurts so much, I can feel it in my shoulder. I really would rather not go to the Dr as you have to wait FOREVER.

nilbyname · 14/02/2015 22:10

Mag sulph to drAw it out!

Fugghetaboutit · 14/02/2015 22:11

it slid out like a bolt out of a door

Grin
FlossieTreadlight · 14/02/2015 22:28

Thank you. Just thank you.

rootypig · 14/02/2015 22:29

I like people sporn but not animal sporn. Why is this? does this imply a sexual element I suspect so. am I a particular pervert?

HellKitty · 15/02/2015 07:28

Mag Sulph is amazing! I had a big old boil under the skin on my chin years ago, no head just a sore lump. I put a bit of mag Sulph on, then a plaster, within 10 minutes I felt it burst then hot boil juice was dripping down my neck. Happy days.

My ingrowing Fanjo hair came to nowt. It was about 1cm long but nothing pus wise to show for it :(

Penguiney · 15/02/2015 07:39

Where can one aquire mag sulph? It feels like something I need to have stocked in the cupboard.

HellKitty · 15/02/2015 08:32

Ask the chemist, it's behind the counter and a little pot of thick white goo, pretty cheap.