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Original poster

What's your best sporn story?

337 replies

Ouchbloodyouch · 10/02/2015 23:34

How excited do you get when you see KLAXON? Sometimes you get a few in a week.. sometimes there is a drought! So in order to keep us sporners truly satisfied can we do our ultimate ultimate sporn stories? I've just shared my blackhead story on another thread (TAAT guilt) but this is my best..if it looks familiar its because I have posted it under a different name.
Many years ago I became aware of a very sharp pain on my left side. Between the hip and the buttock. Upon examination there wasn't much to be seen other than something that looked like a teeny pimple. I pierced the top with a sterile needle and nothing happened. Owing to the position of the 'pimple' I had to grab my flesh to bring it to a better viewing position.. well.. as I did that the pressure I applied caused a jet of pus to spew three feet across the room. In an arc! I've never seen the like. After evacuating the pimple I took a hot bath and tried again. Lo and behold it happened again to a lesser extent.
That was it. The best half hour of my life. I've never had anything like it since.
Over to you. .

OP posts:
GoofyIsACow · 15/02/2015 12:16

My DM has an amzing one on her back, but i am not allowed anywhere near it any more due to me mag sulphing it but then not being able to remove it (it's really deep) it swelled up and became really really sore. one day in the shower she 'squeezed what looked like cream cheese' out of it... I was furious she got my pay off.

I used to have a piercing at the top of my ear, it has a black shadow under the skin where it used to be, it isn't a head, just a black mark, should i attempt to squeeze?

VixxFace · 15/02/2015 13:07

Viva thats animal abuse.

VivaLeBeaver · 15/02/2015 15:48

Seriously?

honeysucklejasmine · 15/02/2015 20:26

Oh my gosh, I think I have hidradenitis suppurativa! A mild case for sure, but I constantly have boils, blackheads and the more solid white pus variety spots on my upper thighs and armpits. Must get some antiseptic wash!

The ones that shoot across the bathroom are the best.

VixxFace · 15/02/2015 20:59

Yes! Did it squeal?

SauvignonBlanche · 15/02/2015 21:24

This has distracted me for far too long!

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 15/02/2015 22:18

I took a little break from MN for a few weeks and upon my return this thread was waiting for me. I take this as a sign - I home again.
I've tried to explain to DH what sporn is but he just looked mildly disgusted. He did let me get a rather large blackhead on his thigh last night though.

VivaLeBeaver · 15/02/2015 22:21

Yes it squealed. But it was a new piggy which squealed when picked up anyway. Better that than dying from a bad abcess I guess.

Vet only suggested a GA in the first place as she reckoned he wouldn't stay still for her to be able to do it without. I suggested we wrapped him in a towel and job done. It was literally only piercing the skin then squeezing.

I have a cyst on my neck which dh frequently slices open with a knife. If I can cope with it I reckon a guinea pig can.

sweetkitty · 15/02/2015 23:02

I had one of those lip spots this morning, I could see the hello but after an initial squeeze nothing much, still could see it so spent about 5 mins manipulating it, result mirror hitter, not as good as the one during the week but quite a good one.

FannyFifer · 15/02/2015 23:41

Place marking as neeeeeeeeed to see photos but can't as on bastarding app!

ChickyEgg · 16/02/2015 12:13

I have read this thread and now I am going back to page 1 to read it all over again.

NerdyBird · 16/02/2015 16:44

I forgot the one I have in a rather delicate area. It comes and goes. A few times there's been a bit of a crunch when I've squeezed and gunk has come out but I know it's not done. It's decided to refill again, so I've had a bit of a prod but need to let it brew for a bit I think.

DP has one at the top of his bum. It refills and pops spontaneously. I wish he'd let me have a go but I think he'd be horrified!

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 16/02/2015 18:48

Oscar - show us a pic and we'll be better able to advise you.

Fishandjam · 16/02/2015 21:37

At what stage does all this cease being joyous and just be horrible, though? I remember a next door neighbour who apparently had such a bad, chronic abscess on his coccyx, his spine was visible. That's just bad IMO.

rootypig · 16/02/2015 21:39

Um, about now for me Fish. I have a stress induced sty and it's agony. Sporn karma Sad

honeysucklejasmine · 16/02/2015 23:39

DH has cystic acne. And he lets me loose on them. Lovely! Particularly satisfying white worm type this evening, which responded well to a "pumping" action.

I realise this sounds like a sex joke, but honest, it's not.

CosmicDespot · 17/02/2015 00:35

Thanks for the thread OP. It has made me very happy, apart from the bits where I discovered my sporny limits. Envy < boakface

I'm afraid I don't have anything spectacular to add, but I did find two lovely new blackheads on my chin the other day. I inspect very often, so didn't expect anything as satisfyingly well developed Smile. I am very much a fan of the hard, waxy type, rather than the splatters, although if they're mine I love them all.

Also, as a sideline, I very much enjoy it when the eyelash/fibre which has been irritating my eye finally turns up attached to a little blob of eye-bogey.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 17/02/2015 08:07

I was at a friends once pissed and had been transfixed by a blackhead on her otherwise perfect cheek. Eventually I whispered that it was there. She said quick get it. It just slid out, hard, black and yellow, just as our other friends came into the room. Blush They were all very jealous.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 17/02/2015 09:32

I think this thread had a physical effect on me.

Last night I noticed what appeared to be a large blackhead on my boob.

I gave it a flick - it was solid. I squeezed and it slipped out. A black headed white bodied maggot of a blackhead Grin

But that wasn't all.

There was a lump.

I squeezed.

It popped.

pus and blood in a sort of granulated liquid.

But that wasn't all.

There was still a lump.

I squeezed.

HUGE pop and this, this thing popped out, still attached. I got my tweezers and pulled and it was a long thin piece of tissue.

It has left two holes. TWO!!

innocentbadger · 17/02/2015 10:54

I had a bad quinsy when I was 16. Taken to A&E when it started affecting my breathing and I'd barely eaten for days. They lanced it with a fuck off massive needle but instead of being drawn up into the syringe the thing was so full it just exploded in my throat. I was coughing up thick pus and blood. Had it been on the outside of my body I'm sure I would have enjoyed the whole experience more as I am a huge sporner. Coughing up the vile, stinking stuff is less enjoyable unfortunately

meandjulio · 17/02/2015 11:38

i have to suction secretions occasionally as part of my job. I'm secretly quite disappointed when they are plain white and clean. A nice gob of yellow or green stuff, that's the business.

I'll admit the fantasy I go off to sleep to is not Fifty Shades of Grey but Fifty Shades of Grey Blackheads: My Day As a Dermatology Nurse.

meandjulio · 17/02/2015 11:38

HowCan [awe]

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 17/02/2015 11:58

I know.

I've been checking it hopefully all morning but the bastard looks like it's just going to heal.

What's your best sporn story?
HellKitty · 17/02/2015 15:29

DP had a hypo last night, after saving him with lucozade I asked to squeeze this small blackhead/pimple on his chest as a reward. I got a full index finger nail's worth of cream cheese. Lovely. I thanked him.

Brutalista · 17/02/2015 16:45

A fine reward, HellKitty.
I'm only allowed a squeeze on DH on high days and holidays.

EXP however... When I first met him in the naked way I noticed that he had a smattering of big slightly raised freckles on his chest. But oh NO freckles they were not.

They were all untouched years-old blackheads and giddy with love he agreed to let me have a squeeze.

My GOD The joy when the biggest one slid out the width and length of a Crayola crayon. Fucking unbelievable.

The joy of being the first to discover them - I felt like Captain Cook Grin