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Original poster

Overheard on the bus

360 replies

AdventuringAbout · 28/12/2014 14:43

Man to partner: It's a lovely day for a walk in the park...
Woman: It is, but there are lots of other things we must do today.

Man: like what?
Woman: well, for one thing, I need to check all the use-by dates of things in the fridge.

Suddenly my day of nappy changes and playing trains seemed much less dull Grin

Any good eaves-dropping round your way?

OP posts:
Applejack29 · 22/06/2016 09:55

Overheard at a wildlife park-

Little girl aged around 6: Muuuuuuum! Come and look, they're so cute!
Her mum: what are they?
Little girl: baby whales!

(They were otters Grin)

Laquila · 22/06/2016 10:05

Overhead through an open window whilst walking down the street I used to live on:

"Well it ain't me oo's just come back from Dubai wiv a faaahsand paaahnd carpet, Karen!!"

alltouchedout · 22/06/2016 10:48

Yesterday on the tram, two older teenage boys. Their whole conversation was fantastic but the bit that really stuck in my head was when they were discussing one of their dads:
1- me and Gemma went to see him last week
2- oh right how is he?
1- same as normal, really shit, just lies on the mattress all day, he's not even going out now
2- is he still on the crack then?
1- yeah yeah, he's right fucked up. And he owes £600 for it and all now
2- £600, he could get shot for that
1- I hope he does get shot, it'll teach him a lesson... not killed though, just his knees or something

Seahawk80 · 01/07/2016 15:10

My Ex and I lived on a busy street in London in a fairly rough area. Our flat was first floor and with windows open in summer we often got woken up by drunk people. One night I was woken up by a woman rowing with her boyfriend. I think that she kept stopping and he'd walk off and she'd shout at him to come back. I was really annoyed and thought hurry up and go away. However it was worth waking up to hear her then say "Oi - come back. Come 'ere, come back I've pissed me self".

Classy! And why would that be an incentive for him to come back?Confused

heron98 · 05/07/2016 15:17

I once cycled past two men who were jogging together just as one of them said "so then she sucked me off on the balcony". I wish I'd heard the rest of it.

TiggyOBE · 12/07/2016 21:16

I was on the train from South Wales to London. There was a young and pretty blonde singer, quite famous who spoke Welsh. She was with a gaggle of friends and they were deafeningly loud! She was on the phone at one point so I only heard her side of the conversation, in welsh, but with the occasional word that either travels well or has no Welsh translation.

"Blah blah blah blah blah goodbye blah blah blah blah OK blah blah blah blah leather bondage!"

Is there really no Welsh word...

KittyKrap · 25/07/2016 15:25

A couple across from us when we went for a meal,

M - so I should really make more money from my house than he did as I have two, TWO, electrical sockets in my bedroom and he only has one. I mean I have TWO!

littleprincesssara · 25/07/2016 21:53

On the tube in the middle of the day:

"So then she stuck the vibrator up my arse! I quite enjoyed it on my balls though."

Banana99 · 25/07/2016 23:10

More American ones!

My friend was at Edinburgh Castle and one American lady said to her friend 'how convenient to build the castle next to the railway line...'

And once when we were in Rome walking through the Forum an American lady was pointing out a stone block that had the middle carved out (about a meter tall) ' and that's where they lived because they were only tiny....'
Makes colosseum seem even more impressive.

chough · 26/07/2016 14:40

I overheard a young man on his phone as he walked past me in the street:
"He's not a Project Manager! He's just a bloke who lives with his mum!"

TribbleTrouble · 28/07/2016 11:52

Overheard on the bus, as said bloke was picking his nose Hmm.
'Yeah I got a two pack, but they're too small. I can't be arsed to take 'em back though. They make me look ripped, but they chafe.'

Said bloke did not looked ripped, he probably would have ripped them though.

innocentinfamy · 16/08/2016 03:42

Nooooo, that can't be them all!
I need more! Grin

TheSilverChair · 16/08/2016 06:58

There had been a burglary and a video player was stolen. Unfortunately there was a home made porn tape in the video player. This somehow did the rounds and was much talked about.

My friend's mum had heard some rumours and asked my friend what was on it. DF really didn't want to explain to her somewhat naïve mother but her mum went on and on. So DF explained there was one part where the woman masturbated with and aftershave bottle.

There was a sharp intake of breath and DF's mum said (read in a Welsh accent), "Duw, she must have a fanny like a bucket!"

Rockelburger · 16/08/2016 07:02

Actually making me lol.

alldaysleeper · 16/08/2016 18:39

Two women overheard on a very hot and stuffy bus ride today.
1 - "God the day I've had, I need wine, dinner and a good seeing to in that order"
2 - "On a Tuesday?"
1 - "If you'd had the day I have believe me you would"
2 - "Mick plays pool on a Tuesday"

CatsGoPurrrr · 16/08/2016 20:50

Overheard when I was walking to work last week.
Two women in their 40's coming towards me.
As the went past, Woman A to Woman B 'at least the Dementors didn't get me'

Wish I'd heard the rest of the conversation. I hope they don't get in trouble for talking in front of Muggles.

CheekyMcgee · 16/08/2016 21:19

Overheard on the maternity ward five years ago.

"I want to give him an English name"

Pause as woman flicked through Heat magazine with her friend.

"Leonardo's a nice name"

InScotlandwetrust · 17/08/2016 13:51

Overheard a bunch of 14/15 year old boys discussing the Brexit result

" we should just buy America?"
"Yeah I mean we did use to own it."
"I know, plus were the richest country in he world so not like we can't afford it."
"Saves Trump getting in."

IHulaNaked · 19/09/2016 11:20

Just bemused by what I have just heard:

Middle Ages woman: I wear medical crocs at home instead of slippers. Is that ok?
Elderly woman: yes that's fine.

?!?!

PattyPenguin · 23/09/2016 17:55

Years ago, in a slightly hippy gift shop in Oxford, I'm looking at scarves (a weakness of mine) when two vair, vair posh ladies head past me towards the exit, one saying to the other, "Well, we'll just have to pin our hopes on the Russian Orthodox church sale".

flapjackfairy · 11/10/2016 13:53

The funniest i ever overheard was while queuing at parents evening. The people behind were chatting and one said " how is your arthuritus" (said as spelt) to which the other replied " oh it is much better now... the doctor gave me some of them inflammables" .
As we were waiting to see the special needs coordinator i could see where his son got it from!

flapjackfairy · 11/10/2016 14:03

Another classic . My neighbour played in a quiz team with an alan dick and phillip brain. The quiz master thought they were taking the mick when they submitted their team sheet with a dick and p brain! Not an overheard but makes me laugh whenever i hear it.

Lweji · 28/10/2016 10:42

Right now, four young men talking about one of them spending the night at, presumably, a new girlfriend's:
You should talk before, so it's not awkward then.
It will happen.
Better take protection.
And shampoo. Just in case.
Grin
Bless them.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 13/12/2016 08:00

.

TheEternalForever · 14/12/2016 23:15

I was standing at a bus stop quite late at night next to three teenagers, two boys and a girl. The girl was eating a boiled potato but it was a cold night and she fumbled and dropped it.
Looking round to one of the boys
"Mikey. Mikey I've dropped my potato"
Mickey didn't respond so she turned to the other boy
"Nazza I've dropped my potato. My potato Nazza"
*Nazza also ignored her so she stood up and wailed
"Why doesn't anyone care about my POTATOOOOOOOOOOO" Grin