Overheard on the bus

[AdventuringAbout]

Man to partner: It's a lovely day for a walk in the park...
Woman: It is, but there are lots of other things we must do today.

Man: like what?
Woman: well, for one thing, I need to check all the use-by dates of things in the fridge.

Suddenly my day of nappy changes and playing trains seemed much less dull

Any good eaves-dropping round your way?

As I peeked in the Harrods wedding department, pretending I was interested in making an appointment for a fitting ( I was planning my wedding at the time, I'm not just crazy wedding woman!)

Woman wearing HUGE PINK meringue of a dress, who was obviously doing her final fitting of dress, literally stamping feet, shrieking and crying ' I look like a footballer's wiiiiife!!!!'
Mother and shop assistant look on their faces was a picture of 'errr, what exactly did you think you would look like!!!!'
I've never seen anyone look quite so lost for words.

A few years ago I was on the bus in to town at night to meet friends. I live in a Northern city with a 'China Town' and it was around Chinese New Year so they had all the lanterns out etc. As we went past this an American lady turned to her friend and said "are those the northern lights".

And not on a bus but whilst on a tour of the Colosseum in Rome the tour guide told us how the gladiators fought tigers. Another American person on the tour piped up with "so Tigers are native round here then? I hope we don't see any".

On the train to York, overheard an American lady say to her partner "Do ya think they called it York after New York? Or the other way round?"

Thank God he looked at her like she was crazy and put her right or I'd have had to have said something!!

a few years ago, visiting friends in the midlands. On a bus heading towards Merry Hill shopping centre...

Old lady 1 : what are you shopping for?
old lady 2: just looking at stuff for my grandkids in that new shop they've opened.
OL1: oooh lovely! I like new shops when they've just opened! What's it called?
OL2: Toys Am We.

I still giggle at that every time we go to Merry Hill and pass Toys R Us.

Best one I heard was when I worked for a dive shop in Australia. They have pedestrian crossings that have an audible ringing sound. We used to pick the students up every morning and one morning when the mini bus was full, the last passenger was a young American.

Red lights at a pedestrian crossing and I stopped and the ringing sound began and the chap asked what that noise was. I replied "its a pedestrian crossing the noise is for blind people.” He said “that’s amazing, we don’t let blind people drive in America.” I laughed so hard I couldn’t drive away. He did actually realise as soon as he said it.

Love it!!

At Victoria station, a family came from the concourse through the ticket barrier and walked down the platform to the front carriage of the train. The mother then looked around and asked "I have to face forward. Which way will the train pull out?'

Presumably not straight through the concourse.

Also at work a bright young colleague (PhD) asked me "What's the date?" "The thirteenth."

Oh ...... So when's the 15th?" "In two days' time".

" Oh..... Are you sure?"

overheard retired American tourists on the top of a London bus:

Her: We will see St Pauls's Cathedral soon.

(Sure enough St Pauls comes into view.)

Her: OOOOOH look it's St Paul's Cathedral!!

Him: That's not St Pauls Cathedral, that is just a little church!!

Me

On the train to York, overheard an American lady say to her partner "Do ya think they called it York after New York? Or the other way round?"

Thank God he looked at her like she was crazy and put her right or I'd have had to have said something!!

I hope he told her that New York was not named for the place, but for a person: James Duke of York, who became King James II and VII.

One young American student on a bus, talking to a girl he clearly tried to impress with his talk about how his parents are obliged to finance his trave around the world because he wants to go into politics and needs the knowledge.
Next I'm going to spend 3 months in Brazil to improve my Spanish.
Us: Roared with laughter till we had tears streaming down our faces.
The girl pipes in: Oh, I thought they speak Portuguese in Brazil.
Him: Swift change of monologue topic.

On the train to York, overheard an American lady say to her partner "Do ya think they called it York after New York? Or the other way round?"

Like my overhearing in a theatre, mostly emptied for the interval, 2 student age American women in front of me. Lull in conversation and gaze lights on a lit statement above door.

"Why do you think they call the exit 'Way Out'? It's like... 'waay out'."

When a particularly wanky conversation was held on a table next to us in Cambridge, without too much trouble taken to check the volume, DH conspicuously started to blow bubbles through a straw in the lower remainder of his ice and fizzy drink, then furiously slurped it up loudly. You had to be there, probably.

'So how was your trip to Italy?'
'We had a lovely time although the food was awful'
'How was it awful?'
'Well, if you ordered pizza or lasagne, that's all you got, no chips, no peas, no nothing'

Ooh, another one, possibly one of my favourite moments ever.

A former colleague volunteered for a bat charity and had a licence to handle and monitor them. She'd been asked to release a bat that had been injured but someone had taken it to a vet's a fair way away from where it was found. She rang up the vet so we only could hear her side of the conversation in a quiet office.

She explained who she was etc and said she needed to arrange to pick up the bat.

Conversation went rather like this:
"Well, it's a bat. Someone brought it in yesterday."
... "I don't know. It's a bat."
..."It's probably the only bat you've got there."
..."It's a bat. I don't think it has a name."

At the last one we all POSL.

Years ago I was at a little city petting zoo. There were a few goats and a couple of sheep. One mother piped up "look Hunter, those are goats and those little guys next to them are their babies", Unfortunately my mother, who I was with at the time, actually snorted.

In my teens I was walking past Big Ben one day and overheard a American tourist say to his son "That's the biggest church in the world" how he managed to make a transatlantic crossing without hurting himself, I'll never know.

There was a very tragic conversation a friend overheard at the doctors waiting room "What do you want to do now then Colin?", Colin replied, "Go and see mum". The reply came "Mum's dead" to which Colin responded "Oh, alright, chips then".

On a London bus an older quite posh woman said to her friend "Did you have a nice dinner with your son and his wife?" and the reply came in an equally posh accent "Oh lovely, but we didn't have dinner, just a little coup d'etat" she pronounced it perfectly!

Not really an overheard conversation but MartinaJ's story remided me Years ago we were in Miami airport, we being me and DH before we were married. We had a long wait for the fight and decided to get something from a pizza buffet place. The 3 or 4 pizza choices were displayed behid a couter and there was a woman taking orders. DH's English wasn't that good then and he still couldn't pronouce H words (as the H is silent in Portuguese) so instead of asking for ham pizza he was asking for 'am pizza. The woman didn't understand him asked him to repeat a couple of times and then said "Do you speak English or what?" To which DH replied "I speak what".

I said he wants ham to which she replied "oh haaaaem, why didn't you say that?". Since then we've always called ham "haaaaaem" in a Southern US drawl.

Amazing conversation between two women on a train:

Woman 1: sighs We've got a new rescue cat but she can be a bit aggressive.

Woman 2: oh dear, why's that?

Woman 1: I think she's feeling insecure

Woman 2: Ahh, because she's in a new place?

Woman 1: No, because she's blind and she's only got half a tail.

Heard on the night bus last week:

GF: I think the 24 hour shop will have some.

BF: Ok, but will it still be open?

Overheard in New York, two very posh American woman discussing summer holidays:
"But Europe is no place to take a child"

Last year a colleague was given the task of ringing round clients with pets who had arthritis to see if they would be interested in a trial of some new food that was supposed to help.
A few calls later we overheard her saying: "That's great Mrs xx, I'm really glad to hear that Mr Tinkles isn't stiff any more".
The rest of the office cracked up around her, but to her credit she kept a straight face until the end of the phone call.

I also remember going to a cafe with my parents when younger. DF ordered a toasted ham and cheese sandwich, and DM and I had hot meals. A few mins after ordering one of the girls came back out and said to him "I'm very sorry but we can't do your sandwich as the dishwasher is broken!"

Muslim man, in the chinese takeaway: Is the meat halal?
Chinese woman: Is hello?
Muslim man: No, halal.
Chinese woman: Yes, hello!
This went on for some time until he ordered a vegetable dish.

Overheard in supermarket:

"I don't know whether to have salmon or fish for dinner"

A couple of years ago, I was on the bus in front of two older ladies.

OL1: Isn't it amazing what they can now with their special telescopes.
OL2: Yes, but I don't believe them.
OL1: Who?
OL2: NASA, I don't believe they exist. It's just a scam to get your money, like banks.

I never managed to follow her logic on that one.

Teenagers on a bus. "Last new year grandma was very drunk. She was so sick, she vomited her dentures down the toilet!"

Elderly ladies:
"I let out my spare room to a young girl. She started bringing in various men. I thought -- young people need to have their fun. But once she brought in a married man. His wife found out, came in and smashed everything up. Will never let room to young women ever again!"