If you fart in the bath

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

Are you washing in poo particles?

[FizzBuzzHaveABanana]

Reported for classics. I am crying with silent laughter.

[fflonkl]

My best friend and I once went away for a weekend where we started the day with a full on English breakfast. On the 2nd night we were safely tucked up in our respective beds when I suddenly farted - it was one of those bubbly ones that you can actually feel traveling inside before letting rip. I just KNEW it would smell rank (it did!) so muttered sorry and kept the sheets tight around me. Not 2 minutes later she did the same.

That was the start of a very giggly evening as we both took turns producing super loud, eggy farts for quite some time

[SinglePringle]

Hgfcdddsdx

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

Are the particles gaseous or solid poo particles? Surely my bum is too tight to let solids slip out unnoticed

[HemlockStarglimmer]

Penelope
When I first heard that joke the butler was called Willoughby

[RetroHippy]

I have recently switched from thongs to large pants. It would appear that thongs act as a very effective 'fart muffler', whilst large pants allow my cheeks to rub together in the style of a grass whistle.

I'm sure DH thinks I fart twice as much now I'm pg, in fact, he can just hear them now. It's quite impressive.

[GoodboyBindleFeatherstone]

I am laughing at this thread so much I farted.

I've also reported it for Classics.

[WilburIsSomePig]

I had a truly frightening fart experience a few weeks ago. I was on my own so not concerned about any embarrassment but as I er 'erupted', the fart seemed to take on a life of it's own and travel around my pants like a wee bubble before it finally broke free. I wondered what the hell was going on and it vexed me greatly.

[WienerDiva]

The creme de la creme of fart disasters has to be any the dreaded (da da DAA)......

Shart.

Horrendous.

Another fart incident actually involves my dd when she was a couple of weeks old. Back when her poo was still curds and whey, a curd seed was still on her bottom hole, she guffed and it flew straight into my mouth.

Panic ensued.

[WienerDiva]

I almost forgot a good "I'm going to fart son" in our house is

"Here comes another one just like the other one, doo doo, da doo doo doo FART".

Inspired by PP and ending sentences with a trump

[Oblomov]

We all like a good fart here. I have to remind ds's that this is 'home humour' and not to be done in front of anyone else/ not at a friends house/ not in posh restaurants etc!

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

If a fart is hot you always know it's going to smell bad!
I like the big loud almost rippy bumhole ones that feel fantastic but don't smell like your soul has rotten and fallen out of your bum.

[flappityfanjos]

Oh god I am weeping. DD wants to know why. I cannot tell her that Mummy is laughing at fart wanks.

The other day I thought I had pulled off a silent fart when standing next to DH in the kitchen. But the fucker (the fart, not DH) crept right up my bum crack and burst out at the top with an audible POP. DH pretended not to notice.

[ghostisonthecanvas]

My mother used to tell me ladies don't fart. Spent years hoping I wasn't a boy, then I heard her farting, I was and and relieved. Mostly relieved.

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

This is awesome: fart caught on infra red camera
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Is97VfTZtJU&feature=youtu.be

[honeypie10]

dione I am dying !!

[SheWhoDaresGins]

At work I once farted the entire length of a corridor, a colleague clapped when I finished I had no idea they had been sat round the corner and had heard every sound barrier breaking explosion.

[Offler]

When I was pg with DS, walking down the stairs sounded like I had my own little 'Oompah Band' following me! As my house is 3 storeys, we had quite a concert .

[iwanttobemrsnorthman]

I cant stop laughing at some of these !

[CalamityKate1]

About 10 years ago DH took DSS to Alton Towers, along with a mate, mates wife and their DS.

After the first day they went to a local pub for a bite to eat.

Relaxing on chairs and sofas afterwards, DH let out what was apparently the longest, loudest fart ever. He was sitting on a leather sofa which added to the acoustics, which resulted in practically the whole pub coming to a standstill.

A barmaid pulling a pint looked up, her face frozen in , the pint she was pulling overflowing.

People were pausing, their drinks halfway to their mouths.

The whole pub stared over at DH and the rest of the group.

Mate's wife wanted to die. She pulled her bb cap down over her eyes and slithered as far down in her seat as possible, whimpering in mortification.

Mate's son, who had been asleep in his chair (he was only about 9 and had had a long day) jerked awake, going "What? What? What was that??"

It was quietly and mutually agreed that it might be time to go....

[CharleytheFrenchPoodle]

I am actually crying with laughter over this thread! Hilarious!

[CugglesandTisses]

Oh my god Calamity your post has just finished me off ... I hardly ever laugh out loud at a thread but I am genuinely crying picturing the entire pub ground to a standstill. Thanks for the best laugh I've had in weeks

[MyCatIsAStupidBastard]

The funniest thing on here for yonks.

Washed farts. The fart wank. The rotten soul falling out your bum.

Literally crying with laughter!

[DontVexMeYeah]

Oh dear god, this is the best fred in ages, howling here

[WhistlingPot]

Oh stop! My sides!