If you fart in the bath

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

Are you washing in poo particles?

So, I'm reading this in bed next to DP and, being the considerate person I am, am trying my hardest not to laugh so I don't wake him up. He just farted in his sleep, said "oopsy daisy!" rolled over and snored

I'm not sure I have ever laughed so much at a thread

I LOVE a good fart. I HATE farts that slowly bubble round to the front, the tickle isn't pleasant

Front escaping farts!!!! Dying with laughter here

As much as I love a good fart.

There's nothing worse than a bad one. Like the ones that smell of gone off milk

Has anyone managed to work out why fart smells are more intense in a shower or bath? And yet not a swimming pool?

I didn't fart in front of dh for a long time, he used to say 'don't be shy, its natural' his are always very loud but never ever smell.....the first time I farted it smelt like a rubbish dump, he was polite, then I got bad wind and he asked if we could go to not farting in front of each other

Bogeyface, you're now my favourite mner. Hilarious.

I never ever laugh out loud but fart wanking just made me guffaw.

Oh and the bum sieve... Isn't that what pants are for?

Oh and the bum sieve... Isn't that what pants are for?

Dont say that! They go in the washer and contaminate everything else, the panickers will be burning their worn shreddies now :o

Re: Front Escaping Farts (FEF...which is onomatopoeic!)

Doesnt anyone else worry about them going "up there"? I suspect that may just be me.....

If you ever see a girl scoffing beans while frantically rocking back and forth...

:o:o:o

I think you may have just invented a new porn category!

Bum sieve explains why David Beckham only wear a pair of pants once

I was with DH for 2 years (not living together) before I let one go in front of him. Two whole years I nipped those in while he farted freely and happily in front of me.

My Mam used to say she knew when I'd arrived home after he dropped me off as she could hear me farting my way down the path to the front door. I'd then carry on up the stairs - oh the blessed relief.

One day I accidently farted in front of him and that was it really - no looking back - initial embarrassment over and a green light to let rip thank God!

He did admit that he just assumed I was one of those people who never farts. I think after 24 years of it he now wishes I was

If you're in the bath, does it make sulphuric acid?

lemon

Is this you?

11:00 to 11:20 :o

I'm a bit scared about them going up there. You can't wipe back to front in case you get thrush so don't guff straight up there!

Lemon you've reminded me of a trip to the cinema I had to once endure. I'd not been with now dh long (we were still both 16) and for some unknown reason that I can't remember and we went to see Castaway with my my fil in tow.

20 mins into the film I got "the urge". By yet end of the film my intestines were reverberating and it sounded like I had a didgeridoo in my digestive tract and my belly was rippling with what can now only be described as "reverse farts".

Fil asked me if I'd like to be excused to use the loo

Oh God YES Bogeyface

I'd forgotten how much I love Dinner Ladies.

Oh Weiner I know that feeling so well!

Bath farts often sound like "Edward Woodward".

Oh the reverse fart! I had one of those last week waiting for DD to come out of the Physiotherapists! They can be louder, which is weird!

Question at a slight tangent: do your labia get bigger/longer with age (like ears do in men)? My front exiting farts seem to be causing more flap than they once did

Bath farts often sound like "Edward Woodward".

My sister says they sound like "gotta bigger bubble?!" but that doesnt really translate in text, you need to hear her say it :o

Here's one I've been telling for twenty years - still love it:

Old Lord in the bath - rings the bell and in comes his Butler, Waddle

Lord: "Can you get me a whisky please Waddle?"
Waddle leaves- comes back with a whisky

The Lord rings the bell again, and in comes Waddle

Lord: "Can you get me a cigar please Waddle?"
Waddle leaves- comes back with a cigar

As Waddle leaves the bathroom the Lord lets out a loud underwater fart.

5 mins later Waddle comes back in with a hot water bottle

The old Lord says "Why have you brought that?"

Waddle says "Well as I was leaving I distinctly heard you say "what about a water bottle Waddle"

Works best if you say the last bit very fast

penelope

You might want to post on this thread too :o

I seem to attract badminton partners who fart on court. I once had one of those chats behind you hands in the middle of a county match with my ladies doubles partner in which she announced that 'Every time I move a fart comes out. I am like eek...eeek...eeeeeek....all round the court'.

I think of this every time I see them discussing tactics on the TV.

My mixed doubles partner used to hold up his hand, apologise, walk off the court, let rip, wait a polite 5 seconds then come back on.

The decent thing to do is to get a dog so you can blame any farts on the dog.
Only down side is when the dog farts (wow!)
Farting is hilarious and DH & I routinely try to time sentences to end in a trump
I do worry about farting around food as obviously the poopicles might settle on food. Bath farts are indeed the creme de la creme of farts. 'Forward escaping farts' sound like a little self-congratulating clap. Well done Hotfuzz, they say. I don't like FEFs in front of DH in case he thinks it was a fanny fart